(Closed) I am still upset with SIL – do I have to send a thank you?

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
726 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Thank you for what? It looks like you bought HER two dinners and that’s all. 

Post # 4
2832 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@krstino1012:  I would not send her a thank you. Buuuut… It might be in your best interest. Not sending anything will just send her more into crazy town. I think by sending a thank you, it would make her look dumb if she were to try to talk trash about you.

Post # 5
9692 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@krstino1012:  I thought thank you notes were to thank people for gifts. Perhaps I am wrong and you are also supposed to thank people just for attending. If you intend to have future interactions with her, it would be easier to just write her a (brief) thank you note than cause any further grief…”thanks for sharing in our special day!”

Post # 6
7272 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@krstino1012:  You only have to send thank you cards to people who bring gifts, help with the wedding or are in your bridal party. She did none of those things, so there is nothing to thank her for. 

Post # 7
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m confused – if she didn’t give you a gift, for what would you be sending a thank you?

Post # 8
4479 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

If she brings a gift, you send a thank you.  Unfortunately she’s family now, and in situations like this sometimes you have to take the high road.  If you don’t send her one, it creates the potential for more drama you don’t need.

Post # 9
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@krstino1012: I don’t think you should stoop to her level. As much as you don’t want to, and I understand where you’re coming from, you still should send her a card. Just keep it short and direct. “Dear Jane and John. Thank you for being a part of our day. We have so many beautiful memories that will last us a lifetime. Love Betty and Brian.”

Don’t give her any more ammunition to cause problems. Just be the bigger person and get it out of the way. You’ll feel better for it in the long run.

Post # 10
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Like the other girls, I don’t think you need to send her a thank you because by the sounds of it she didn’t do anything that you should be thankful for!

Post # 11
3266 posts
Sugar bee

@krstino1012:  Thank you notes are for gifts.  If she didn’t gift, she doesn’t get a thank you.

You’ve already thanked her by hosting her at your reception.  (It may make you feel good to know that she should have thanked you via a bread and butter note for your hospitality, but don’t hold your breath).

To thank her again can be seen as fishing for gifts.


Post # 12
680 posts
Busy bee

No. Ignore her. She’s obviously starved for attention and is probably feeling like you stole her brother from her or something. I’m dealing with some pple like this in my SOs family right now. They cannot be logically dealt with. Ignore her ass. 

Post # 13
11760 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Did she give a gift? if not no thank you needed. if yes you need to send a thank you. 

Post # 14
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Nope. If I’m reading this correctly she never gave a gift. The reception is how you thank the guest for attending the wedding ceremony, a thank you card is how you thank your guests for leaving a gift.

Post # 15
1 posts
  • Wedding: October 2013

[Comment moderated for trolling]

Post # 16
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Not awful at all. She can go suck a lemon 🙂

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