- 5 years ago
- Wedding: December 1969
Hi everyone, Well where do I begin. I am really struggling. 3 weeks ago my fiance was in a horrible car rollover on his way to work. He almost didnt survive, spent a week in intensive care in an induced coma and then another week in hospital. He had two collapsed lungs, broken ribs, two massive head wounds (major blood loss-11 bags- and surgery to fix), a broken neck which he also had surgery on and 5 chipped vertebrae. We have been together for 8 years and our wedding was next weekend which we have now postponed for another 4 months so he can recover without the stress. Aswell as our 8 week honeymoon in europe. Good news is- that he will make almost a full recovery.
Anyway- onto my problems. During the stay in hospital, my fiances family were horrible to me (mum, dad and sister). I did NOT see this coming. They have always been very interfering and over bearing in our lives but I let this slide because I love their son and I was only 17 when I met him and I have been naive up until this point.
A little (big) list of what went down:
-his father constantly saying foul jokes about the nurses to me infront of everyone (includng my fiance) -I constantly was rubbing his mums back and trying to talk to his dad (‘you know its okay to cry’)- not ONCE did I get asked how I was coping, not once given a hug the entire time
-his dad saying more than once (infront of everyone) ‘good! now he can have the honeymoon he REALLY wanted. Refering to Hawaii- but his dad has no idea how excited my Fiance is about europe
-his dad swore at me MORE than once. I told him the nurses said no water- he replied real nasty ‘I’ll give MY son fucking water if I want too’ somehting that could in fact kill him and I told him that.
– All three of them totally ignored MY family and OUR friends in the ICU waiting room. In fact they sat there looking quite annoyed they were even there. But the moment their extended family showed up- they went to a different part of the room and suddenly found their voices- laughing and almost having a family reunion. My family love Luke and were more there to support me. I found out later that ALL of my family and OUR friends were really angry and felt so un welcome. My fiances mum apparently even said to my dad ‘immediate family only’ – not even an hour later- they were letting all their extended family go in and see him. This infuriated me because I know my fiance wouldnt have wanted people to see him like that (he was still in a coma) and I am his next of kin and was never asked.
-his dad reminding me that I am only ‘his wife to be’ and that he has known luke for 29 years- way more than me.
-When we knew Luke was going to be fine- his mum and sister never looked happy, like ever. Its like they enjoyed the drama and attention
-alot of carrying on by his sister (we had to get her a wheelchair so she wouldnt faint-more than once. His cousin also pretended to faint in the waiting room- ten minutes later she was laughing with everyone.
– I would always come out from seeing my fiance (once awake) and tell them what he had been saying about them- for days I thought that my own fiance hadnt asked for me or wanted me- only to find out days later that he had- just that they hadnt even told me.
-my mum booked accomodation for all of us and paid for it- they took the bigger and better room without even asking- mum and I got left without even a kitchen.
-It ll came to a head one night when Luke was in emense pain and had told me to not let anyone in for half an hour. His family turned up in the waiting room and went to walk straight past me- I said ‘oh he doesnt want anyone in there for half an hour’. They sat down and then his father got back up and yelled ‘Im going in there to see my fucking son’ real aggressive. My mum got really mad with him and confronted them for me- he kept saying ‘what did I do??’ Then as a ‘fuck you’ to me- he kept sending in his guests all night. It was heart breaking having to see my fiance have to hold in his pain whilst people tried to talk to him. I am talking major, couldnt lie still sort of pain.
-We then didnt talk for two days (they kept trying to get me alone but I refused), the only time they acted normal was infront of Luke-so fake. His sister then hit me up RIGHT next to my fiances hospital Bed (somethng I will NEVER forgive her for as I wasnt sure my fiance was actually asleep) for not saying happy birthday to their mother the day before. I was livid!!!! I called a meeting (without the sister present). My fiances mum kept saying ‘I am sorry you felt his way’ etc no real apology. His father watched the cricket with his arms folded the whole time- no apology from him. I apologised for not speaking to them, we hugged and that was it. My fiances father hasnt spoken to me or my family SINCE- even when he comes to our home. He barges through the front or back door and walks straight past me- not even acknowledgng me. His mum just sulks the whole visit.
-I have just found out since what his mother has said about me in the past ‘her family is so fucked up shes just desperate’ ‘He could do sooo much better I dont know what he is thinking’ ‘he is just after his money’ ‘she is so messy’ and god knows what else. Due to this I must admit I havent been the friendliest person when they come over daliy. Then just two days ago- she got my fiance on the phone and told him that they were upset with me and they felt unwlecome by me and they dont know what they have done. I hadnt told my fiance anything much yet because I believe he should be allowed to heal in peace. He came in bawling his eyes out (something I have rarely seen) and I had to comfort him alllll day. I mean crying in the fetile position. They then come over that afternoon like nothing had happened. That might be because they werent the ones that had to comfort him all day.
I just feel so unappreciated and unwelcome in their family. Gutted by what they think of me becauase I thought they loved me this whole. I have always tried to do everythng for them and include them and make my fiance see them more.
My mum, her partner, my dad and his partner all came over and told my fiance that I was treated badly in hospital but didnt go into detail yet- he wouldnt have been able to handle it- he was bawling infront of them-we were all crying. My fiance keeps apologising on their behalf but saying to me when we are alone that basically- they are just misunderstood and that deep down they love me- something I am not convinced of now but I am just shutting my mouth so he can heal properly. I am just hoping when he knows the full extent that he stands up for me. I would never make him stop talking to his parents but I know I sure as hell dont want to right now- not until I get a sincere apology- something I am sure I will never get.
The next thing thing I am worried about is when they do eventually get him alone- what sort of lies they are going to tell to save face. They have proven already mulitple times over the years that they do this. And they KNOW now that I have caught them out and am not going to back down anymore. Also when it comes time to tell him in a few months- it is going to be like 1 month before our rescehduled wedding date and will just cause so much stress. But I need him to know before the wedding as I am here everyday wondering if I even can handle his family for the rest of my life. I am doing everything for him- getting his medications, being with him all the time, helping him shower himself and shave, rubbing him to sleep, putting all the ointment dressings on 4 times a day, making his specialised foods and liquids and taking him to all his appointments. All of which I would do for him in a heartbeat, but I am feeling VERY unappreciated and unthanked by his family completely.
So sorry for the LLooong story but I just needed to talk. I cant stop crying about it all.