Post # 1
Ok, please help pump me up to do this!! 🙂
My Dad left my mom and I about 20 years ago. Ok, that is not totally true, my mom had to call the police on him because he was abusive and an alcoholic. But anyway, we were never close because his addiction controlled is life and he was aggressive.
My mom will never forgive him (and I do not ask her to), and has not spoken to him since the divorce. I have recently, in the last year, started speaking with him and working on our relationship, but of course it is very difficult.
I naturally have become very close with my mom and would like her to walk me down the aisle. But I do not want to hurt my dad’s feelings and want to keep the drama to a minimum.
SO…this is how I am going to say it….
We would like each parent to have their own time to shine at the wedding, and I think it would be odd to have a Mother/Daughter dance so if it is ok with you Dad I would like Mom to walk me down the aisle. You and I would have a father/daughter dance and my FH and Future Mother-In-Law will have their dance. (FFIL is not in the picture, but if he becomes in the picture we will make something special for him too)
Positive spin right?
Ok, thanks I just needed to get that off my chest!!!! Wish me luck!!!
Post # 3
good spin! let us know how it goes!!!
Post # 5
- Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden
I think that sounds great, just the way you said it.
Post # 6
Wow that’s a perfect way to put it! He can’t argue with that one!
Post # 7
I think that’s the perfect way to say it. Just be prepared for a wide variety of responses.
Post # 8
@GreenBee I usually expect the worst, but I am doing it now (8 months before the wedding) incase he is upset and we need to repair our relationship or make changes to the “plan”, while still making mom happy too. Whoooww, so exhausting!
Post # 9
I had to do this too, and my dad took it really well. Honestly, I think he was a little hurt, but it was humbling. I am sure I will not regret it, even if my relationship with my dad strengthens, because I don’t want to pretend on my wedding day. I want it to feel more authentic than anything other day.
I think you are phrasing it in a really good way, but I personally don’t think you need to sugarcoat it too much or try to protect his feelings, because in the end this is about you. I feel very strongly about this! Good luck!
Post # 10
Great approach, but one small tweek.
I would suggest that instead of saying, “if it is alright with you” say “I have decided”.
Don’t ask a question that you don’t really want the answer to. You have made a good decision for yourself, and that is the way it is going to be. I think you are very wise for trying to avoid drama, but you may invite a tad if he responds, “no it isn’t okay with me.” You don’t need to check with him, this is your decision, and you should, as politely as you indicate here, just give it to him.
Post # 11
That’s perfect! I’m glad you found a way to put it nicely!
Post # 12
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
I agree with monitajb – I would say “I have decided”, instead of asking. But it sounds great! Let us know how it goes!!!
Post # 13
I think your approach is perfect! I hope he takes it okay.
Post # 14
- Wedding: March 2011 - The Providence Biltmore
Good Luck!! Love the spin 🙂
Post # 15
Wow, I love the spin you gave it! If I were him, I would just be glad you’re even letting him participate at all! Giving him the F/D dance is pretty special, so I bet he’ll understand that your mom will be walking you down the aisle. Good luck, let us know how it goes!
Post # 16
Good luck! I think things will be okay 🙂