TO @lalamcbee: first and foremost, I see you are NEW to WBee… so a BIG Welcome to “the Hive”
Wow… you sound like a very invovled Maid/Matron of Honor… the Bride is lucky to have you.
You obviously have put a lot of time, effort and consideration (not to mention money into the mix)
I am a bit of an Etiquette Snob… comes in part with my age (over 50) and the fact that I’ve used it a lot in my job. So I thought I’d make a few comments on your post
# 1 – The Nightclub Couples Party (Bachelor / Bachelorette) Evening sounds nice enough… not sure if you are the Host (you said “helped pay for”) but you most certainly should be able to bring your Boyfriend or Best Friend as it is a Couples Event, and you are one of the Bridal Party Members… and of course I assume everyone is paying their own way anyhow (except for the B&G). AND YES IF you are the Host, then most certainly this shouldn’t be a Question whatsoever. You Host you make the rules.
So long story short… from an Etiquette POV the Groom is WRONG.
# 2 – I am sorry for the traumatic situation you found yourself in a year ago (( HUGS )) to you. So I very much get why you might feel apprehensive about this upcoming Event. If the Bride knows the background, then she should be more than willing to work with YOUR NEEDS in this situation (afterall being the Maid/Matron of Honor to me means you guys are BFFs*)
So yes, if you need to go certainly do so. It is understandable.
* Also, all the more reason that your Boyfriend or Best Friend should come along to this couple’s party… as your support whether you decide to stay or go at the Nightclub (leave alone ?). Seriously the Bride here needs to be more aware of your potential plans … forget what The Groom said, you need to have a heart-to-heart chat with the Bride…
# 3 – Your Boyfriend or Best Friend at the Wedding. Again an Etiquette faux-pas by the B&G. Anyone in the Bridal Party, willing to stand up for them and their relationship in public (or before God)… which is essentially WHAT YOU ARE DOING gets a Plus One period. So don’t feel bad about any of that… you absolutely should have your Boyfriend or Best Friend at the Wedding.
The B&G are WRONG to make you feel otherwise.
# 4 – Lingerie Party for the Bride. As the Maid/Matron of Honor your obligations are such that you will try to make ALL the parties… BUT that doesn’t mean that you truly have to. Send your polite regrets (and a gift if you choose… not an obligation if you aren’t going).
As for the bit about the MOB & Sis not being invited to this event … to be honest… the Host in this case the MOG gets to decide whom she wishes to invite. Altho often both sides of the family cross-mingle prior to the Wedding it is not a requirement. Less so at this type of event… in that perhaps the Bride would feel most uncomfortable having her Mom at a Lingerie Party (maybe she made the request). But in any case, it isn’t an usual thing, or necessarily RUDE.
Thought you’d appreciate knowing.
Hope this helps, and I see you around WBee again in the future,