Post # 1
I am sooo upset right now and I feel like maybe I’m overreacting? I don’t know so I need your advice!
Last night I expressed that I want to move in next year, like a year from now. I admit I have assumed that we would be on the same page with this one. But no, apparently he wants to wait till we are married. Now, we’re together for coming up 2 years and we decided we want to get married 1 1/2 year from now which is good but obviously I am still waiting for him to properly ask. At this point I am so ready to live together as we have future plans, Right? I personally am not comfortable with the idea of cohabitation without any solid plans, and I have told him that early in the relationship.
He’s NOT religious or anything although his parents are somewhat traditional. He says he wants to wait till we’re married 1 1/2 years later because that’s all he’s got to live by himself in his bachelor pad, after that we have the rest of our lives to spend together. Well yeah…that’s right but I’m not convinced. I don’t wish to deprive him of what he desires to have in his life and if it’s important that he has X amount of time to do this and that then by all means he should. But again I’m not convinced. Why? I’m not sure. But you know there are PLENTY of couples living together after 6 months or dating and obviously the guys are comfortable with living with someone even if they are no where near ready to get engaged anytime soon. So, I feel like WHY NOT my guy. I expressed this to him and he says we are on the right track, we have plans for our future, he will get me a ring, a BIGGER ROCK than his friend’s fiancee(well I once commented that her ring is too sensible for what she deserves…sorry I sound like a queen bitch). I have no reason to doubt our relationship is on the right track but still I won’t feel secure until our venue is booked and guests got invitation or whatever. I’m kind of tired of communicating. Communication my a$$.
These upsetting feelings are similar to what I went through when my parents said NO to my wanting to go to university abroad. I was so set on the idea and that was kind of my dream, then my parents said NO because of finances etc, I cried my eyes out! My brother also cried his eyes out when parents said NO to him wanting to go to Art school, then he ended up in the School he wanted to go. He almost always gets his way. Ugh.
Well that was long, sorry… I’d appreciate your advice.
Post # 3
The fact that he wants to keep his bachelor pad another 18 months is really telling for me…If a guy said that to me, he’d see me walking out the door. Not because I’m “marriage hungry” or whatever, but because I find that kind of dis-attachment and attitude really disrespectful. I’m also big on following gut feelings, and it seems like yours is telling you that something is off. It sure reads like something is off.
Can I ask how old you both are?
Post # 4
I would be more understanding if he had a better reason for not having you move in sooner. He wants to keep his “bachelor pad”? I totally understand personal space and though I LOVED living on my own in my apartment (which I only did for a year), I was more interested in beginning my life with my SO. I always find ways to have my personal time alone when I need it. I agree with MsCricket- something is off.
Post # 6
I totally get you. You would think that a guy you’ve been dating for 2 years would want nothing more than to be with you even MORE often by moving in with you! You want to live with him and see his smiling face every morning, but he doesn’t seem to share the sentiment. It’s really hurtful and I think you should let him know that. But know that it’s likely that if he changes his answer anytime soon that it may not be genuine. If in 2 months he finally concedes and says “fiiiiine, we’ll move in together”, he might just be saying to to make you happy. Kinda like pushing a guy to get engaged and then receiving a “shut up” ring. Sad, but true.
But until 18 months from now, enjoy your space! Redecorate it, get some interesting/new furniture or a rug! Love your home and embrace having your own, CLEAN space. Because that might change once you move in together. Have him come over to your place and make your base for activities if it isn’t already. Maybe after having to drive over to your place all the time, he’ll come around to moving in with you.
Post # 8
Thanks, yeah I guess it doesn’t help that I’m the one commute to his place because he has a bigger place. My apartment is tiny!
Post # 9
You may be ready, but to me, it sounds like he just isn’t yet. That doesn’t mean he won’t be in time, or that he doesn’t love you. I think he realizes he just isn’t ready to be in a fulltime, committed day to day relationship yet. Having a girlfriend that he sees on a regular basis is what he can handle right now, and he isn’t ready for anything beyond that. Trust that he is a man that knows his own mind, and what he can handle.
Post # 10
I don’t think you are overreacting at all.
He does not sound on the same page with you.
Post # 11
WOW – he’s 30 and still wants to live in a bachelor pad?? I would understand this if he was in his early 20’s, but the fact that he’s using this as an excuse at 30 is also worrying to me. You’re right – those boyfriends that move in with their girlfriends at 6 months are excited and totally ready to be making that commitment. If he’s not feeling ready to move in, why would he be ready to become engaged? Both are huge commitments. haha, I’m sure you’re sick of hearing it, but he needs to COMMUNICATE his real feelings with you so that you are both on the same page!
Post # 12
(I can’t think of any way to say this without coming off harshly, but…) As old as he is, how come he isn’t tired of the “bachelor pad” situation by now?
Post # 13
Has he never lived by himself before? I can kind of see his point that he wants the experience of living alone before getting married.
Post # 14
Yeah, I’m with Banana. A 30 year old man should have some motivation to get a move on, and especially if you’ve been together for 2 years, and he still doesn’t want to live with you for basically another 2 years, he’s not even commuting to see you as often as you see him…. Who’s that guy, “Here’s your sign”?
Post # 16
Thanks ladies. I’m pissed and sad that this is happening to me.