Post # 1
Fiance has a certain loose-knit group of friends who he probably wouldn’t mind inviting or not inviting. The problem is, I already asked for some of their mailing addresses in anticipation that they would be invited. Now Fiance has decided that the loose-knit group is too large and he would rather invite none at all than only a few of them. (For example, I already asked A and B for addresses, but if A and B are invited, then X, Y and Z should also be invited, and that’s too many.) Can I turn back on the ones who I’ve already requested a mailing address for? Nothing official has been sent out yet, but we are sending Save-The-Date Cards next week!
I’ve told Fiance that we can invite them all if he wants, but I think the more people he invites, the more people he feels he SHOULD invite, and he just wants to limit the headaches.
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
Just because you have their address doesn’t mean you need to invite them. Just send them a christmas card next year. Or a wedding announcement with a picture, if you want to send them something
Post # 4
What did you say when requesting the address?
I do think it’s in sort of poor form if you specifically mentioned the wedding when requesting it… if you asked for my address, I’d be waiting on an invitation. But – if you’re going to limit it, now is the time. Hard choice. If they ask, you can always just say you were working on pulling the guest list together and once it was all compiled, you realized it was too large and had to limit the size. Awkward, but better than dealing with an out of control guest list.
For other people reading or for future addresses you might need to get, you might try to ask someone else for it (like if you have a mutual friend or something). That can help reduce that risk a little bit. My Maid/Matron of Honor had a lot of our friends’ addresses from a past baby shower she threw.
Post # 5
@NAvery: I said “In light of our recent engagement, I need your mailing address!”
:/ I guess I jumped the gun, I was just so excited!! haha
Post # 6
@Pumpkin_Bee: I would tread lightly and only send save-the-dates to people that you intend to invite to the wedding. I agree with PP that if someone asked me for my address and I knew they were getting married that I would kind of expect an invitation or save-the-date. I would use your best judgement with this situation. 🙂 Good luck.
Post # 7
i KIND of did the same thing – we got engaged over xmas and I immediatley wrote MY friends who i knew i would invite to get their addresses – a few weeks later he got freaked about the number of people we were talking about inviting – but it all worked out because we found a great venue that was much cheaper than we were anticipating — tread lightly – you may just have to invtie them.
the standard is if ask for an addy they are getting an invite
Post # 8
@Pumpkin_Bee: Send them a wedding announcement like @MeiFrancis: said. I think that’s a good way to navigate the situation. And if they bring it up beforehand, just say you had to condense your list.
Post # 9
I agree with the wedding anouncement PP!
Post # 10
I was in the same boat last year. My Future Mother-In-Law had given me a list (Of 86 people) in March of people she thought should have been invited to the wedding. Without even thinking about if those were all people we would be inviting, I just told her to get all the addresses for me by June when I wanted to send Save-The-Date Cards. Well, she did. And then before we sent STD cards Fiance and I went thru his mom’s list and put quite a few on the back up list, without even thinking that she had already asked them for the address so they prob assummed they were invited. Well, needless to say Future Mother-In-Law was very Surprised when she heard that quite a few of them didn’t get an invite and she had already asked for their address. I told her to mail a Christmas card LOL.
Post # 11
I think Fiance needs to let them know they aren’t invited if that is the direction you’d go. They might have already made plans to attend.
Post # 12
@Pumpkin_Bee: Based on what you said when requesting the address, you implied it as an informal save the date request. If I was these people I would be expecting an invite. Ultimately, it’s your decision, and if you don’t have it in your budget to invite these people then don’t send them save the dats, if you do, then maybe consider just inviting them.
Post # 13
You could put them on your b list and send them invites if enough people can’t make it. If you don’t invite them I would deffinately send them a wedding announcement.
Post # 14
Truthfully, if you asked me for my address, regardless in what form, I’d forget I gave it to you and probably would never notice if an invite came or not.
Post # 15
@Pumpkin_Bee: No. There are plenty of reasons to ask for addresses other then wedding invites
Post # 16
@drummerbride: +1. By saying you needed their address because you got engaged, you were essentially telling them that you intend to send an invitation.