Post # 1
My mom just called me to tell me that she’s out having dinner with her friends who are visiting her from out of state, and that she’s invited them to the wedding.
All I could say was ok because I didn’t want to say anything, knowing they might hear me say no, they can’t come. I haven’t seen them since I was a little kid. And I’m afraid that if I don’t say anything, this will open the door for my mom’s college friend and her family to come as well as her friends from work and what if she also decides to invite the people in her church group… and not to mention my dad is paying for 95% of the wedding and I don’t feel comfortable asking him for more money, nor do I care enough to when I had my budget planned out already.
Also, my mom invited her siblings that live abroad as well as their families. Should I just be happy that she’s finally enthusiastic about the wedding? (I’ve been engaged over 2 years and for a while she kept trying to talk me out of it, saying I’m too young and stuff. Even a few weeks ago my fiance made a joke about calling the wedding off and my mom all straight-faced said, “you don’t know, she could break your heart” (!?!?!?) There’s a 70% chance that none of these extra people would be able to make it since they all live states or countries away. That and the fact that the wedding is on a Friday. Maybe this is just a case of my mom losing it…
Not to mention the wedding is in less than 4 months. If my mom wanted to negotiate the guest list with me, she should have done it before I sent out the save the dates. I even gave her extra save the dates and wasn’t able to give some to everyone because I ran out.
Needless to say, I’m very confused. When I first spoke to my mom about the wedding, I thought she understood that it would only be close friends and family…
I really wonder if she’s bluffing though, because my FMIL insisted on inviting a few people I invited met and I agreed to it, but she still hasn’t given me their addresses or phone numbers or anything.
Post # 3
Ugh, I totally feel like the guest list is the bane of every bride’s existence. I’ve also had guests invite a plus one for themselves that I didn’t give, and family members beg for dates for their 17 year old daughters (OH NO YOU DI’INT, AUNT LISA).
I’m sorry that you’re dealing with that! Good luck…I guess all you can do is try to talk to your mom, or just hope that they don’t show up?
Post # 4
All I can say is good luck. I won’t highjack your thread with my guest list stories so….good luck. lol
Post # 5
I get how you feel. My FMIL is trying to talk us into inviting a whole lot of people who we either hardly know or whom we haven’t spoken to in years. I have had to give in to her on some of them as she’s paying for much of the wedding but I’m not giving in on all of them. I do feel a tad bad about it though because she’s so sweet and has been so good to me over the years and I know the only reason she wants to invite all these extras is because she doesn’t want people to feel left out. Still it is my wedding, not hers. I suggest you speak to your mum about this in private. Tell her you don’t see the point in having guests at your wedding who you hardly know and you would appreciate it if she would consult you before adding to your guest list from now on.
Post # 6
@MrsDiddles: Haha, I don’t mind a good story.
Post # 7
I had something similar happen, and in the end it resolved itself. Here’s how it played out, if it’s useful for your situation:
My dad copied me on an email to one of his old fraternity buddies who lives in the state where FI and I live, and where we are getting married: “Dear X, yadda yadda, great to get back in touch with you … by the way, we’ll be in the area in a few months when one of my daughters will be getting married. We’d love for you to come, I want to see you again, it’ll be a great time, we’ll give you a good meal …” yadda yadda, etc., etc.
I didn’t reply directly to that email, so as not to embarrass my dad in front of his friend. I did talk to him privately afterward: “Dad, I’m really happy that you’re so excited about our wedding. We are too, and we’re looking forward to getting together and having a chance to reconnect with old friends. Please understand, though, that we already have a long list of people and we don’t know if we’ll be able to send an invitation to everyone. I’ve never met this person, and if we invite him – and his wife? Kids if he has them? – that it might mean that FI and I have to cut some of our own friends from the guest list. We are trying to be really careful to have a wedding we can reasonably afford, and you and Mom have been so generous by offering to help pay for the reception – we want to safeguard your budget as well as our own.”
Dad understood, and it was fine. And fortunately, he had misspelled the guys email address so the message never actually went through and we were off the hook. *sigh of relief* Maybe you can have a similar conversation with your mom, in private? Even if you have to absorb a couple of unplanned guests, you can at least prevent her from doing it again with the 15 members of the Church Ladies’ Sewing Circle, or whatever.
Post # 8
@KCKnd2: More like the ladies who “heal.” Actually, one of them tried to “heal” my fiance the other week :l
It actually turns out that these “friends” are my aunt, uncle, and 2nd cousin. Show’s how disconnected I am…My mom explained to me that she doesn’t think they’ll be able to come anyway since it would be a trip from Texas to New York, and that she just wants me to get more gifts. I told her I’d think about it. I know there are some people who have asked her about the wedding, and she said it’s a small guest list and she’s not paying for it and such (implying they’re not invited), so I’m trying to take her word for things.
Post # 9
What is it about mothers and adding randI ripple onto guest lists!? Sorry you are going through this. I literally just got off the phone with my mom who is doing the same thing. She keeps adding people like her high school friends and people I don’t know or whom I haven’t seen in over 10 years. And then she holds te fact that they are paying for some of it over my head. Well guess what I’ll just elope then!
Sorry for hijacking your post with a story, but it helps me to know I’m not the only one going through this. Hope it works out well for you!
Post # 10
FFIL is doing this already and we have been engaged for eight days. Wedding is in ten months and with the rate he’s inviting people we’ll have 700 people there. MH is going to have to sit down and nip it in the bud soon because we’re travelling across the world for an intimate wedding and I don’t want it to end up being the same circus we would have had in Sydney.