We talked timeline but in terms of benchmarks, not in specific time. He’s wasn’t comfortable in his career & didn’t know if he’d stay in it long term. I think men tend to want to have their lives and finances figured out before they get married. Anyway the timeline we talked about a few months ago was a proposal one year after he changes to another job. I was really supportive of the job search but it didn’t really go anywhere. He’s starting to like his current job better & I will probably bring it up again after he’s been in the current job one more year (to honor the timeline even though he didn’t end up changing jobs).
We talk about a lot of long term enterprises, most recently getting a second dog. So maybe I can try to work in a timeline update, since the job change probably won’t happen.
I think you’re right about a talk. He’s said he can picture marrying me someday, he’s really really bad at getting any more specific than that. He say’s he wants to be ready & completely sure, and he can’t know when it will happen. I don’t think he’s playing me or leading me on, but I do think he’s avoiding thinking about it unless I bring it up because it brings to mind a lot of responsibility. I guess I need to remind him that even if he ignores it the responsibility is still there.
Since the topic of getting married came up for the first time about 1 year ago, he’s very slowly getting used to the idea. At the outset, it was a completely new idea to him (which I find a little bit insulting, but that’s another conversation for another time). When we went to a wedding in November we actually got in a tiff because he was saying all these leading things, like, what would you want our wedding to be like, etc., and I just hated being frustrated at the wedding and hearing him say that! But, it was definitely a different attitude out of him. I think he’s just the kind of person who’s very slow to change his thoughts.
He has said multiple times that if there were a practical reason to be married (e.g. health insurance, traveling together for PeaceCorp) then we would get married. Which I think is dumb. The practical reason is that you just said yourself that we are ready!
This sounds weird but he’s said another reason that’s stalling it is that we discovered a few months ago that I was very allergic to his cat & we had to get rid of her. Well he’s a cat person and he says he’s getting used to the idea that being with me we’d never have cats or even many pets. I feel so silly typing that out that he’s partly waiting because he loves cats!
I don’t think it’s finances. He has some debt(car & student loans) and some savings. Probably if there was no debt it would be a little easier, but it’s not the main issue. I do wonder if it has something to do with me making more money than him, but I don’t know how it would tie in.
It sounds like your talk was exactly the right thing. I’m not sure I’m ready to present the situation to him like that. I need to think more about what I want out of my whole life and whether I would want it with or without him.
I love my boyfriend & the way he thinks and lives. He’s financially responsible but he’s not being emotionally responsible. He’s even said he doesn’t feel like a grown up, and that’s why he doesn’t want to get married. Which makes me crazy.
I feel very devoted to him and I pretty much always have. I don’t think that I would want to marry just any guy at this point in the relationship, but I want to marry this guy. I am 26, and I think I was a late bloomer, which is maybe why I can empathize with my boyfriend a little bit about stalling. I never thought about marriage until I met him, so I wanted to give him some time to come around to the idea too. I just don’t know if it’s ever going to happen!