(Closed) I bought a house with you, now propose already!!!

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
Post # 16
13 posts

@kay01:Agreed – perhaps because I did the same thing – with understanding (I think/thought) it would lead to marriage.


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@claireos: And agreed. 

 I think I have to go and read the orignal post which I have yet to do.  Some people like to live together to see if they might kill the other person.  My bf/SO and I bought a place without living together.  Holy tough. A lot of people feel that that in itself shows committment, and it absolutely does (we both put equal amounts in the house)

It’s not a prison sentence – if things are not progressing after a year, you can always sell if need be.

Post # 17
7039 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Somebody who bait and switches proposal plans doesn’t sound like someone i’d want to buy a house with.

It also sounds like you guys aren’t communicating very clearly on both of your expectations about this process, or how it is making you feel. Specifically, it sounds like you aren’t actually communicating – at all – what all of this is doing to you. It’s your life and your marriage, too. You get a say in the timeline, too.

Post # 18
1229 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I may be the minority, but what’s the rush to get engaged?  If you and your boyfriend know you’re going to be together in the end, than what difference does it make?  Yes, I know, every girl wants her prince charming to propose, but honestly having a place to live is so much more important in my eyes. If both your names are on the mortgage, I would consider this a big step in the relationship.  The engagement will come, I promise.  Just be patient.  Good luck and enjoy your new house!

Post # 20
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

My fiance and I purchased our first home together 2 years ago.  You see, I lived at home with my folks and he lived in an apartment.  My parents did not want me to rent an apartment but Fiance and I wanted to live together.  We started talking about purchasing a home and eventually found one we both loved.  Before really searching though, my dad, mom, me and my fiance all sat and talked.  My dad asked my fiance what his futures plans were and my fiance said he wanted to marry me. 

The year we moved in was incredibly busy for us.  Like everyone on here has said, its expensive to furnish, etc etc.  After a year I started wondering when he’d actually pop the question.  He always assured me he would.  At the same time, I couldn’t complain too much since a house is a huge financial responsibility and we both just took it.  I also couldn’t shake off the sad feeling that maybe he wouldn’t propose then what would we do?  Obviously sell the place.  But anyway.. he proposed last October, after 1.5 years of living together in the home we purchased together. 

It’s not really advice, but more of just letting you know how it panned out for me.  Good luck!

Post # 21
1258 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@BOSOX11: With all the new information, I’d say get the move over with first. That will be insanely busy and stressful. No need to worry about a proposal in addition to that. Then wait and see what happens. You say he hasnt given you any reason to doubt he won’t follow through with the agreement.  That’s great! So what is the concern? 

As far as the ‘soon’ goes, that is a very vague term that is open to subjective interpretation.  While for you it could mean ‘tomorrow’, for somebody else it could mean ‘within a year’. I agree with the PPs who said that you need more and clearer communication.

Before we got engaged, hubby used to tell me he’d propose ‘soon’.  I took it to mean that it would be within the next weeks or months and was anxious on every holiday or at every romantic guesture. Nothing happened. Eventually, I flat out asked him what his timeline was.  Turns out he meant when he paid off his debt, ‘probably no more than two years’!!!

Post # 22
4831 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@BOSOX11: Thank you for taking the time to give us all this additional information.

I feel slightly differently then when I posted before.

Relax until at least 2 months after you are settled in the new place. Moving, unpacking, etc can really be stressful and hard. Try to enjoy this new adventure.

Having a candid conversation is always a good thing, but make sure it is an open discussion rather than a pressure session.

Good luck and congratulations on the new house!!!

Post # 23
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I can totally relate to what you are going through. My SO and I bought our house together nearly 2 years ago now. We knew we were going to get married one day, had already lived together for a year, had a deposit and saw there was an opportunity to buy a house at a great price.

I knew at the time that buying a house meant putting our marriage plans on hold for a while, but I was comfortable with that as I knew we were on the same page for our future, and that buying a house was setting ourselves up for the future.

I understand it isnt for everyone, but I have never once regretted buying first! I love coming home at night to our home and for us getting married is really just going to be the public declaration to our friends and family. My SO tells me all the time that he already considers me his wife.

Good luck with the house! Try to just enjoy the excitement of buying your first home together, the home that you will come back to one day as husband and wife 🙂

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