Post # 1
Member
11 posts
Newbee
Hello Bees,
Long time lurker, first time poster.
I know my boyfriend is planning a proposal. [ He is anything but discreet….. gets way too excited and starts spilling a bean at a time
]
I am also planning a proposal [ not getting on one knee though]. Its a custom in my culture that the man and the woman are engaged, hence both get rings.
He’s white American so I suppose its out of his tradition. Now I haven’t told any of my friends cause I would like them to be surprised by his ring as well as mine. But I did tell my coworkers so I can get some ideas and they find it super weird, like really bizarre to even telling me to not do that. Even more that he will have a small diamond on his ring. I’m getting a diamond and would like him to have one of his own.
The fact that they find it so weird is giving me second thoughts. What if he finds it weird too along with his friends and family?
An engagement ring is a token of your love and commitment to eachother and I want him to know that from me as well. I know my person and he would love that sentiment but I just dont want him to feel weird wearing it from the second hand comments from his friend or family.
Cheers Queen bees,
Post # 2
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
I think this is a wonderfully sweet idea! As an American, I have often wished that it was part of our culture for the man to wear an engagement ring as well. It just makes more sense to me. It is part of your culture, so your FH can explain that to anyone who may question it. People do seem to insert themselves into the couples’ business a lot once you become engaged, so I wouldn’t be too surprised if people ask about it–but he can easily explain it, and I’m sure they will be able to see how much he loves it!
Post # 3
Member
9 posts
Newbee
If you know he is going to propose I would maybe just hold onto the ring and give it to him after that. He may have done a lot of planning already and be really excited to do it and if he gets your ring beforehand it could feel like his proposal to you is a second thought.
Also have you both talked about this aspect of your culture before?
Overall I think giving him a ring is great idea. I would just keep in mind what he might feel about you asking first.
Post # 4
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
I would bring up the concept as a discussion of your culture. Like try to weave it into a normal conversation about engagement rings/proposals “oh you know in my culture, the guy actually wears an engagement ring too” and see his reaction. If it’s an “oh that’s kind of cool” reaction procede, if it’s an “oh wow the men wear rings I would hate that” reaction reasses.
I think discussing it like that also would give some context to him when you give him the ring.
Post # 5
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
Hi Bee! I think it’s an adorable idea. I proposed to my husband with a tungsten band and he turned around and whipped my custom ring out and we ended up both proposing. We had plans to propose one day apart. I would ask him how he feels about wearing a band, my husband personally said multiple times he wanted an engagement ring too, because some men don’t like rings in general or engagement rings. You probably do want to know that before purchasing a diamond band especially. Anyway, you can always go ahead with your proposal plan and just save the receipt if they allow refunds. I’m sure he’ll think your proposal is cute anyway and if he knows about your culture or just likes the idea then he’ll keep the ring hopefully! Good luck 🙂
Post # 6
Hostess
8830 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
penkneelane : I gave my now husband and engagement ring, nothing to do with our culture, but it just seemed fair to me. He loved it. He was so proud to show people it when they asked to see mine! ha ha. It was only cheap, like £70 maybe, and now he just wears his wedding ring.
I think some people found it odd, but they couldn’t really object to the “we think it’s fair as we are BOTH engaged logic” also – my husband didn’t give a toss what anyone thought as long we were happy. He even handled it really well when he got snide comments about taking my name.
Do what suits you both and don’t pay any mind to anyone else. It’s your lives, your relationship and as long as you are both happy, that is all that really matters! Best of luck! I look forward to seeing an update and the rings!!!
Post # 7
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
- Wedding: October 2021 - City, State
Whoa the weirdest coincidence, this post. I was legitimately JUST wishing this were more of a thing in American culture. I’m considering getting my FH a thin band for this purpose tbh! I think go for it! He may not know the tradition, but he loves you, and he will love it when you explain it to him 🙂
Post # 8
Member
4609 posts
Honey bee
I have no qualms about your cultural tradition. I don’t necessarily think it’s weird or would gasp in horror at it. People do what is right for them. Other people’s opinions really don’t matter.
However, the way you describe this process, you are kind of making it all about you. You want him to have a ring. You want him to have a diamond. Does HE want that?
For example, I know that if I had a discussion with my SO and said him wearing a ring was part of my culture and really important to me and I would like it if he wore one, he would almost certainly be on board. But he doesn’t wear any accessories and I know a plain wedding band is probably his limit. He’s a pretty understated guy and while in theory he could surprise me by wanting a band with a diamond in it, I could almost guarantee if I showed him 100 bands and 99 bands had a diamond in it, he would choose the one band without a diamond. He’d appreciate the thought and the symbolism behind him having a diamond, too, but I know a ring with a diamond in it isn’t something he would have an interest in wearing every day.
Is he at all aware of this cultural tradition? How does he feel about it? What is his taste in jewelry and accessories? I would encourage you to at least have a discussion about that ahead of time. But if you don’t want that and want it to be a complete surprise, then I at least hope you have zero expectations that he actually wants to wear the ring full-time or will like what you picked out and are fine if it ends up sitting in a box on his dresser. I’m not saying that he will definitely hate it, but it’s the risk you run with surprises – if you can’t handle the possibility that he’ll reject the idea or not like the ring, don’t make it a surprise and let him have input into the ring. If you can handle that possibility, then go for it, regardless of what others think.
Post # 9
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
penkneelane : I think you need to talk to him about this, I know if I would have given my husband an engagement ring he would have thought it was kind of weird, especially if it had a diamond on it because he doesn’t wear jewlery besides a watch and his plain wedding band, so a diamond would for sure be a no go.
Would your soon to be fiance want to wear a diamond ring?
Post # 10
Member
6845 posts
Busy Beekeeper
penkneelane : After he has proposed to you I would tell him what you told us and be happy if he wants to wear it and understanding if he tells you that wearing an engagement ring or a diamond ring makes him uncomfortable.
Post # 11
Member
1432 posts
Bumble bee
Mine, and many other male fiances wear an engagement ring. They often repurpose as a wedding ring.
It’s not about tradition or culture, it’s about the two of you. Go for it.
Post # 12
Member
11 posts
Newbee
antiqueoecs : Mrs_Beer : awww! You guys proposed too! I love that! Why should they have all the fun in making us feel special? Lol. I love that they embraced the nontraditional so humbly. Many many blessings!!!
I def feel so much better knowing theres other out there! Thank you!.
Post # 13
Member
4330 posts
Honey bee
It’s not weird, it’s nice, and it’s actually becoming more common in the US.
Post # 14
Hostess
8830 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
penkneelane : Yay! Happy to have helped.
Post # 15
Member
11 posts
Newbee
nattywed : I already bought the ring 🤦🏽♀️.
I got too excited and spend a good chunk of $$ designing it and even got sand from his fav beach where him and his late father used to go as a kid to be sandcasted into the ring. Now I’m showing to ppl and comments coming in is giving me reservations. I never thought of the cultural aspect. It’s a ring. Such a small symbol I figured.. bahhumbug!
annabananabee : o no I def didnt want it to be a me thing. Hes an electrical engineer and the ring look like it has thunderbolts and in the crack is a diamond. I thought it was beautiful and I got to personalize it with sand from his childhood beach. I tried my best to keep him in mind without giving away the surprise…. idk how men do this. This is way toonerve wracking
Member