(Closed) I bought the ring myself, how do I tell him?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 32
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

View original reply
@nursemel:  This is my situation too. I picked out the setting, the exact diamond, everything. Mine was custom so I didn’t actually know exactly how it was going to look since the one I tried on instore was a smaller diamond of lower quality but I touched the exact diamond going into the ring and got measured and talked with the designer. Fiance went back ALONE and paid the next day after we agreed and ordered the ring. Fiance likewise went back ALONE and picked up said ring and arranged for the proposal. I think this is as involved as someone could get without completely taking all the glory away from the Fiance. I think to pay for it and then to give it to him to propose with (even if he paid you back) is a little much.

Post # 33
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2005

I think you should sell the ring, possibly make a profit, and when he is ready, go shopping together.  You should be able to give him some ideas about what you like and don’t like and let him decide.  This is what my DH and I did.  Also, when the one I really wanted went on sale for 25% off I told him so.  I know if I had bought my engagement ring myself my DH would have been hurt and frightened.

I think, in any relationship about any topic, regardless of how big or small, if it is something you aren’t willing to share with your SO you shouldn’t do it, PERIOD!

 

 

Post # 34
Member
853 posts
Busy bee

I think you need to return the ring.

Post # 35
Member
2334 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

For those saying they picked out their rings: picking out a ring with your Fiance after you’ve disucssed marriage and choosing a ring and buying it without SO’s knowledge are completely different things.  I picked out my ring too, but I didn’t buy it or pick a proposal time/place.

OP, I’m sorry but what were you thinking???  How do you know your SO hasn’t bought a ring yet?  You’ve “dropped hints,” but if he hasn’t proposed or told you the exact date he’s going to do so, you don’t know his intentions.  This is 10x worse than picking out a wedding dress before you’re engaged, IMO.  If you guys have the type of relationship where this wouldn’t be a huge deal, then tell him about the sale and give him the ring.  If you think he’d freak, then return the ring and wait for him to do it himself.  I don’t think there’s any way to keep the ring and not explain 100% of what you did.

Post # 36
Member
38 posts
Newbee

Abort mission. Abort mission.

Post # 37
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I don’t think anyone on here would know your man and your relationship enough to say… maybe with some more info?  My husband and I talked about our future and wanting to be together, so I designed my rings and had them made and passed on the engagement ring to him to propose and gave him ideas of my perfect proposal… but that’s our relationship and what works for us.  We kinda share the “masculine” and “feminine” roles in decision making.  It really depends on how you two are with these roles.  Some men would love a woman who will take charge… others are scare of her, lol

Post # 38
Member
5992 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

my thoughts are you love this man, you already have a child and you want to be married so you should be comfortable enough to discuss finances and marriage and that includes the ring you love on sale and giving him the opportunity to buy it first

but its done now, i suggest you talk to him and say “it was on sale and i couldnt resist, do you want it so you can give it to me when you want to ask me to marry you” and leave it up to him

Post # 39
Member
9816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
@nursemel:  Yeah I did help pay for it, but like I said, we had already agreed to get married. If I were OP I would get the actual proposal before being like “Oh hey I bought a ring.” Bad plan.

Post # 40
Member
4150 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@Rizzo:  Lol. 

OP, can you answer some of the questions that have been asked so we can get a better perspective on the situation?  Have you guys talked about marriage?  How seriously have you talked about engagement?  Do you have any sort of timeline in place?

Post # 41
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My Fiance and I talked about marriage and rings looked and looked and then,… I bought my own ring. Fiance didnt have good enogh credit we both knew we wanted to get engaged and so I opend a account while out paying a bill one day and brought it home. I gave it to him and he decided when to actually propose.

P>S I bought my second band for my ring also without telling him untill it came in lol.

 

Post # 42
Member
2447 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

unless you guys have already discussed marriage and are on the same page, sell the ring and don’t tell him about. i don’t see this ending well.

Post # 43
Member
515 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable doing this.I would return it and have a serious conversation with him about your expectations in the relationship. Getting engaged doesn’t have to be picture perfect , but I think that takes the thunder away from him. It could be awkward especially if he isn’t ready to marry you. I don’t know what your boyfriends personality is like, but I know my husband would feel completely emasculated. If you feel like your relationship is ready to be taken to the next level, you should feel comfortable about being honest with him and what your wants and needs are. He could end up feeling betrayed like you went behind his back on such an important decision that the both of you should enjoy and plan together.

Post # 44
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Wow! OMG return it and NEVER tell him you did this!

Post # 45
Member
5992 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

for those that are all “omg!!!! how shocking”, you do release they have a child together so its not as if she has known the guy for a few months and decided to say surprise. 

i mean if she can have the mans baby and they are living together as a family then its not as if contemplating a future together including marriage should be a surprise to him. its a new century ladies – women can take the lead and some menfolk’s egos can handle it

Post # 46
Member
1463 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

View original reply
@eloping: I’m with you in this one, the fact that the OP has a child with her partner is an indication that there is already some sort of commitment in place and this is not just one of those situations where the girl has planned out her whole wedding before there’s even been talk of a proposal.

OP -only you know your partner and your situation!  I’d maybe suggest not giving it to him but telling him that you bought the ring and when he’s ready to ask you to marry him you’d like it to be your engagement ring. 

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