Post # 107
While I think buying her own engagement ring was bad in the (long gone) OP’s situation, I don’t understand the level of disbelief being expressed here. If both parties are on the same page, I see nothing wrong with a woman giving a man an engagement ring to propose with in the future. In fact, I plan to do that with my DBF – he’s thrilled with the idea, and even said that it will “save him a lot of trouble one day”.
However, the major problem here was the lack of communication. I have a feeling that her SO didn’t want to get married. In this case, it was a problem. But as much as I loathe this phrase, it’s 2013 (in our calendar at least). If it were a healthier situation, why would many women be revolted at a woman “encroaching on a man’s territory” by giving him a ring to give back to her?
Post # 108
i really don’t think it’s a big deal. you guys are obviously heading towards that step if you bought the ring. as long as you’re both on the same page that an engagement is, in fact, happening in the (hopefully near!) future, i don’t see why you can’t just explain to him exactly what you said to us and see where he wants to go from there.
i had a similar situation, though it wasn’t a ring i bought, it was my great great grandmother’s ring. it was a bit non traditional but i explained to him how much i love it and gave it to him for safekeeping. he held onto it until he was ready to propose. some guys could care less and will be thankful that they don’t have to go through that step of picking out the ring. my Fiance let out a huge sigh of relief because i got the ring he knew i loved and we saved $!
Post # 109
oh man, i got duped by the ancient thread as well! i need some coffee.
Post # 110
@FortiesFlare: I never said married people make better parents (btw, you probably meant to write “…better parents than my fiance and me).
I just don’t understand why people wouldn’t choose to make a legal commitment to each other before they make a committment to be parents. Why would you choose to be with someone for 9 years without committing to marriage? I don’t really care; I just struggle to understand the logic in it.
If people believe in marriage, why would it take so long to make it happen? If there’s a financial or other impediment to marrying, one would think that would also impede the (vastly greater) committment of parenthood.
Post # 112
@lorie: op having a child before marriage is completely unrelated to her post. Your comment was unnecessarily rude. Fi & I are getting married after 6 years and our dd will be 4 by then. She was no accident, she was very much planned. We take of her just as well as two people who are married if not better. Our daughter has an amazing life. Marriage has nothing to do with parenting.
Post # 113
@lorie: Marriage was not something we ever wanted to do. So there was no decision that went like “hey, should we get married before we start our family?” in our heads, we were never going to get married, so there was no question.
We both come from divorced parents and never really saw the benefit of marriage. It wasn’t until our son got a little older and started asking questions, and we decided we didn’t want his last name to be hyphenated anymore, and also that we were missing out on quite a fun party that we decided to actually go ahead and get married.
That may not be something you understand, or agree with, but that doesn’t give you the right to judge other people’s decisions.
Post # 114
oh man i read the whole thing then realized it was 8 mos old! crap!