(Closed) I broke my man’s budget, and I will not hear the end of it.

posted 11 years ago in Dress
Post # 17
Member
40 posts
Newbee

Honestly? I don’t think you made the right call on this one. The dress is stunning, but if you and your Fiance had an agreement to spend X on a dress (as part of your overall budget) you didn’t show him a whole lot of respect when you doubled that budget. I think the dress is amazing, but just consider how you would feel if your Fiance went out and bought a 5K Armani tuxedo to wear for 5 hours. A tuxedo that meant you couldn’t invite certain guests, have certain food, etc. I think your dress was a game-changer to your wedding budget, and I don’t think it was the most mature decision. A few suggestions:

Can you return the dress, or is it too late for that?

If you can’t return it, is it possible the seamstress can only do a basted hem, rather than cut the dress? If your height makes the dress impossible to resell, I would have her baste the hem up lightly, rather than cut the dress. That way, you could take the hem out after the wedding and the dress would be much more sell-able.

Even if you do sell the dress after the wedding though, that money will not be avaliable to use NOW for planning the wedding. Will you regret wearing a dress that made it necessary to compromise the vision you had for your day?

Post # 18
Member
3613 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I also wanted to add, I was stressing out about the guest count in the beginnning but now people I was sure were going to attend are dropping left and right, so we may not even have the number of people we hoped for! Sometimes these things have a way of working themselves out. Your dress is gorgeous, I’d just enjoy it and not worry too much.

Post # 19
Member
5669 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Don’t feel guilty, feel grateful. Love you dress and enjoy the moment and be thankfull that you found someone who cares so much about your happiness.

Post # 20
Member
1813 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t think you just have to cut back on guests to make it work….can you cut back on your day to day spending or sell some old clothes at a consignment shop..whatever to help make up some of the difference?

Post # 21
Member
3124 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

since you bought the dress already and you don’t want opinions on the budget thing, I won’t say what i’m really thinking. but, if you must have this dress instead of the other things, at least it’s a lovely dress and looks great on you.

Post # 23
Member
2392 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You were pressed to make a big decision in a quick amount of time.  I do agree that you over-spent (even if you do look great in the dress) and I can see how he’s upset that this is going to cost other things.  BUT if he’s constantly harping you about it when you’ve already made the commitment to the dress, he’s being needlessly mean.

The issue here is to talk about how you can make up the difference and still have the sort of wedding you want in the dress you want.  Not just in terms of guests, food, drink (though you could look at doing fewer appetizers, a less expensive meal choice, limiting the bar).  How much more can you be saving each month for the wedding?  Can you earn extra income?  Put a moratorium on all clothes/entertainment/non-essential purchases/eat lunch and dinner in every day? What’s done is done – no sense in being guilty over it – just look at your whole financial picture to see how you can make up the shortfall.

Post # 24
Member
768 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

the dress looks great on you! i bet you could still find someone interested in your dress after if you want to try and sell it. you never know!

just be sure to be really aware of your budget now and although you may never hear the end of it, you will feel amazing! you always have the things you end up splurging on and this is yours.

give your Fiance a big hug and kiss for letting you have your dream dress!

Post # 26
Member
1229 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I just wanted to say 2 things:

1.  I did EXACTLY the SAME thing!  My dress budget was $2000, found my gorgeous Jim Hjelm and HAD TO HAVE IT!  Doubled my budget and I have to tell you – it was WORTH.EVERY.PENNY!!! That one splurge made me so ENORMOUSLY happy that I cannot even explain.

2. You look FABULOUS in that dress!!

Post # 27
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think it depends on you.

One of the basic rules of wedding planning is identify a few important elements, spend the money on those elements to make yourself happy, and be flexible with other parts of your wedding.

IMO, if the dress is one of the elements that is the most important to you…then you did the right thing.  If it’s not one of the most important elements…well it is now and you are going to have to give up other things to compromise.  But you know this.

On the upside, you look so happy and beautiful!  I hope I have that same expression when I find my dress.  You look like you are so happy you can barely breathe!  🙂

Post # 28
Member
3063 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I don’t mean to make you feel more guilty, but in my opinion it was kind of selfish and unfair to your fiance. Like you said you’ll probably only wear it for 4-5 hours… your fiance just paid $1,000 an hour for a dress. But what’s done is done and for what it’s worth, you look stunning in it! I’m sure your fiance will get over it sooner than later, dear. Happy planning!

Post # 29
Member
695 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I hope you’re able to talk everything over and that it works out for you! I would post the dress for sale just in case too. Good luck to you!

Post # 30
Member
348 posts
Helper bee

I think the important thing here is going to be what you take away from it about how to make decisions together in the future.  It sounds like he needs to commit to telling you how he really feels about major decisions–not saying yes when he’s not really comfortable with the decision–and then not giving you grief if he changes his mind later.  You might need to commit to listening to him when he’s trying to express his feelings on the issue, and not pressuring him into a decision he’s uncomfortable with.  And maybe you both can agree that the next time you’re thinking about spending that much money you should sleep on it for a few days first to make sure you’re both really comfortable with it.

If you can’t cancel the dress deposit now, though, don’t beat yourself up about it.  Enjoy the prettiness – and maybe try to sell it when you’re done.  There are other petite brides out there!

Post # 31
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

You look like a princess in the dress.  You look radiant.

Your Fiance is extremely generous and must love you a ton to agree to let you buy a dress that was twice your (in my opinion, already high) budget.  I wouldn’t have set my heart on a dress way out of my budget, but everyone’s situation is different, and it seems like you can afford it.  I may be over-generalizing, but if you can afford to spend $2000 on a dress you will wear for 5-6 hours, you could probably spend $4000 without breaking the bank.

I’m all for an expensive dress if you can afford it, but not at the guests’ expense.  A lot of people think it’s in bad taste if a bride has a really pricey dress but only serves the guests appetizers or something.

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