(Closed) I broke my man’s budget, and I will not hear the end of it.

posted 11 years ago in Dress
Post # 33
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I agree with PPs:

  1. you can definitely sell your dress after
  2. if you love your dress, you also need to take responsibility that part of the payment of the dress is kinda hearing it from your Fiance (granted, he needs to be a grown-up & learn to let it go…HE said ‘yes’ to the dress, too.)…I mean, he’s cutting back on HIS vision of the wedding, too. And if you’re (plural you, as in you both) having a hard time finding the money, being forced to cut friends from the list, then he’s going to be upset, possibly MORE upset than you, because he doesn’t get to wear that fabulous dress…BE EXTRA ATTENTIVE TO THAT FACT – as wonderful as he for giving you what made you happy (your dress), that’s how wonderfully creative you should be in trying to give him what he wants out of his wedding (whatever that is)
  3. You DO look FABULOUS in that dress – keep it (& how it makes you feel) in mind to get rid of all the negativity of cutting guests or cutting expenses – that dress & how it makes you feel is ALL WORTH IT…as long as you stay positive & think creatively, you & your Fiance can still have a fantastic wedding, WITH a FABULOUS dress

Good luck.  I’ve been learning to accept that the wedding planning process is like practice for the marriage: the way you handle making all the difficult decisions you make now, gives you practice for the even bigger, harder decisions in the future.  When you get through the wedding together, you’ll know you’ll get through life together.

Post # 34
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Oh, Jim Hjelm. Why do you make such beautiful, expensive dresses that lead even the most frugal girls astray? I also did exactly the same thing!! I guess there are at least three of us out there.

I really, really thought buying an expensive dress was silly. I’m a practical girl! I didn’t have any “moments” when trying on wedding dresses! I systematically tried on dress after dress to find something I liked for under $1500, until…

I saw the JH 8810 (a cheap replica on ebay! I was looking for a cheap dress, remember?) and could not get that dress out of my mind. I had dreams about it!! It was love at first sight, and when we finally met I just knew I had to have that dress. And then I went home and cried tears of happiness. Over a dress!!

I feel really guilty too, but there is no looking back for us. We have so many options where we can cut back: flowers, DJ, invitations, number of guests. We can make it work.

 

 

Post # 35
Member
4122 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

One of the topics on our engagement retreat this weekend was “decisions” and other was “fighting fair.”

On the decision front, it sounds like you made the decision together to splurge, so you BOTH have to own up to the effects of that decision, good or bad.  Maybe he didn’t get to think as long as he would have liked, and maybe he’s now seeing the effects he didn’t think about.  HOWEVER, he did say, yes.

I wouldn’t have been able to make that decision.  I also had a $2000 budget, and I almost splurged on a $2500 Justin Alexander, however, the alterations and everything would have been painful.  I found one in my budget and I love it more than the Justin… I also found a Kenneth Pool on “sale” that I was tempted by, but again, I tried to make a “rational” decision, and I don’t regret it.

My biggest concern, is your alterations.  Do you need many? Because honestly your timeline scares the living crud out of me…. I really don’t want to worry you, or stress you out, but you’re cutting it really close…. That right there would have been my “out” for emotional regret of “what if I had the dress.”

Post # 36
Member
2633 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with hotchildinthecity.

 

Post # 37
Member
11324 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

My honest opinion was that this was not a good move. Is there any way that you could pay the difference yourself? 

Post # 38
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

Oooh, a suggestion that might make you feel better, I don’t know what your shoe and accessory budget is like but have you thought about wearing things you already own?  That way it’s your outfit that cost that much.  ๐Ÿ™‚

Also I second what someone said above, if this dress makes you really really happy – then it is really really important. 

Post # 40
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

I also believe it wasn’t a good way to go.  Overbudget by a few hundred, OK.  But over double your budget?  I think you cornered him by taking him there. 

I think yoou should either pay for the difference yourself.  (Ie. giving up lattes or massages, or regular clothing expenses,).  Or if you can’t make that up, I think you should try to get you money back, or possibly see if you can let your deposit stand nad work with a less expensive dress at the store.  The dress is lovely, but I think you can find something to work with that looks very similar.

 

Post # 41
Member
3124 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Alterations on a dress like that?! My simple Nicole Miller dress took a month – 6 weeks. You are going to pay a premium to have someone rush that for you, in addition to the many alterations that need to be done. I’m average sized and had a SIMPLE dress, and it had to be altered on the sides, straps, hems, bustle. Yours looks a littttle more complicated.

Post # 42
Member
2000 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Personally, I would not have spent that much $$ on a wedding dress. BUT, as us ladies, when you know it’s your dress, you know. Everyone’s different & just like a similiar poster said, he agreed…so, he can’t say too much about it. At least you didn’t get it with him against it completely. I’m sure everything will work out the way you want it to ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 43
Member
2206 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Dude, I did the same thing. And your dress looks AMAZING on YOU.

1) Don’t totally give up on the idea of reselling.

2) If you can’t resell, donate and take the tax write off. That will be worth a couple hundred. I’m going that route.

3) My advice? Start an automatic deduction from your paycheck to savings. $50 every paycheck will cover the difference in 2 years. Make it $100 every paycheck, and it will take less than a year.

Post # 44
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Alterations (cost & time) can depend on the kind of dress you got.  Some factors include:

  1. zipper or corset?
  2. # of layers
  3. type of fabric
  4. size you ordered

If your dress is 1. corset, 2. has less layers, 3. has very easily (uncomplicated) workable fabric, & 4. ordered in a size VERY close to your own size, your alterations may cost less & take the shorter end of the time frame spectrum that your seamstress gives you (if she says 4-6 weeks, it will be more like 4).  If your dress is 1. zipper (not much wiggle room – to tightent or loosen), 2. has multiple layers to hem or alter, 3. has complicated or especially delicate fabric, & 4. is NOT very close to your own size, your alterations will cost A LOT & probably will take the full amount of quoted time (6 weeks, in the case given above).  So…which of the scenarios fits your dress?

Post # 45
Member
3613 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

An FYI – The store I bought the dress from said they can do alterations easily in a month on my Lazaro. Extra charge if it’s less than 4 weeks. I wouldn’t worry about it not having enough time. 6 months is plenty of time to buy a dress and have it ready in time. Plus it may arrive earlier then they said.

I bought a wedding dress off the rack ten years ago for my first wedding, 2 sizes too big. I think alterations only took about 2-3 weeks and then I flew with the dress to my wedding destination. The NIGHT before the wedding, my mom realized the top didn’t look right (due to poor work by the seamstress, not a time crunch issue) and she fixed it herself overnight. It’s doable. I’ve never met a bride who had to wear a dress that didn’t fit because they ran out of time ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 46
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee

As another bride who “spent too much on her dress” I know how you feel. My husband told me to keep it reasonable, but what I wanted was so unique that it was never going to be what he considered reasonable.

There were times, before the wedding, when I felt incredibly guilty about buying my dress. I even had a minor panic attack when I signed the bill!

BUT – my god, I felt so beautiful on my wedding day. I wore a dress that was unique, totally suited to me, and made me feel like I was walking on air! I am still obsessed with my dress to this day (four months later!).

I think people have different priorities about what they want for their wedding. For me, it was my dress. For him, it was an open bar. My advice is just make sure that he is getting what he wants out of your wedding as well. After all, marriage is all about compromise!!

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