(Closed) I broke my man’s budget, and I will not hear the end of it.

posted 11 years ago in Dress
Post # 47
Member
3563 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Like you said, what’s done is done–you might as well just enjoy the dress now! I think you have the right idea, to try and cut down on accessories, floral designs, and the guest list in order to bring down the overall cost. And I agree with pps who said that it’s not fair of your Fiance to keep making you feel bad–you can’t do anything about it now anyway. Is he saying things to make you feel bad, or is it just that YOU feel guilty about it? I would try talking to him and expressing that while you’re grateful you were able to get the dress you wanted, you feel badly and hope he knows how appreciative you are that he was willing to compromise and fit the dress in the overall budget.

Post # 48
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Honestly – that’s a LOT of money for a dress – but that’s only relative to what your overall budget is and where your priorities lie. As long as you’re not feeding your guests hot dogs and stale buns while you sit in your gown then it’s all good. I’m sure your Fiance will move on from this.

Post # 49
Member
5495 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think that’s a lot of money for a dress, but it’s one you love! Everyone has different priorities in the wedding process. Instead of cutting people, have you thought about setting money aside from your personal income (seperate from the wedding fund) to help off set the costs of the dress?

I’m sure there are some other petite brides out there that would LOVE to have a dress like that!

Post # 50
Member
665 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Yeah… I fell in love w/ that gown the second it hit the runway. However, the price automatically sent it to the “dream dress” category and thats that. Over $3k is absolutetly insane… but you could still try to sell it. There are plenty of people out there that could purchase it off you.

Post # 51
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

You look amazing in that dress. And like otheres have said-what’s done is done. maybe you could put in more hours at work or find someway to get a little extra income. I know you siad you guys are sharing the cost of the wedding, but maybe Fiance would drop it if he saw you put a little extra effort in to making up the difference in the budget.

Post # 52
Member
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I personally wouldn’t have done it if it meant cutting important people from the guest list. It just doesn’t make sense. Can you change it? LIke still let them keep the deposit but have it go towards a less expensive dress? I would probably try to do that if I were you.

But on the flipside, sticking to your dress budget and buying a less fancy dress may have meant that you spent more money on shoes, jewelry, sashes, etc. and maybe ended up closer to your $4,400 number anyway. My dress was over budget (it didnt’ matter b/c there really was no budget, my parents paid for it), but the one thing that makes me feel okay with it is that it’s perfect for the venue and the type of wedding we’re having and since it’s so fancy I don’t need to add anything to it. My sister bought a cheaper more simple dress and had to buy SO many accessories to dress it up. So she ended up spending close to what my dress cost at the end of the day with her multiple sashes, several pairs of shoes, several bracelet options she purchased, earrings, etc. All Ill be wearing will probably be a borrowed pair of earrings.

Post # 53
Member
1250 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

For those of us planning a wedding in a budget, I guess we just have to come to terms with the fact that if we splurge in one area, we’ll have to cut back in another. In your case, you chose to splurge on a dress – which is fine, if thats what is most important to you – but you’ll just have to remember how much you love your dress when you end up being disappointed with cutting down on other things. We’re paying quite a bit (for our budget) for our photographer, so I have to be cool with our buffet style dinner with chicken and pulled pork. Nothing fancy, but people will get fed and I got the photog I wanted.

Post # 54
Member
1565 posts
Bumble bee

I think the balance between splurging and saving is up to you and your Fiance as long as it doesn’t influence the guests’ comfort. I hope your cutbacks are things guests won’t care about as much (like photographer, decor,etc) rather than basics like food and alcohol. We had a few splurges (not the dress – I really think the importance of the dress is overblown) but we were both onboard with all of them. 

Post # 55
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

The way you look on your wedding day is like icing on a cake.  You HAVe to look and feel your best! You cant have a perfect wedding and not a perfect bride.  Its very important, the way you look comes first before anything.  My Fiance gave me a $500 budget but when I found the one I just had to get it, it was $1000 and im so happy and cant wait for it to come in! My Fi is excited that i found one that i truly love.  So dont feel bad, it only comes around once and you got to make it worth it.  All eyes will be on YOU!!!

Post # 56
Member
4023 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think you look wonderful in that dress, but to be honest, I don’t think you should have bought it. If you are fine with cutting back in other areas, including guests, and you can still make your overall budget work, than that is fine. I would have never even tried a dress on that as over my budget though for that reason. Your Fiance gave in and you bought the dress, but I’m sure he was really upset that you did. It was over 2x your budget. My Fiance and I are on a tight budget, so we talk about everything involving money, and I would never buy something that he said no too or that was way over the planned amount. If you found that dress, and HAD to have it, then you should have looked around for one VERY similar but at a much less price. Even places like oncewed and preownedweddingdresses. I’m sure you could have found one close to that one, and maybe even that one.

Post # 57
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

First up… the dress looks beautiful on you and if it has already been purchased, you should enjoy wearing it… what’s done is done.  That being said, it will be difficult in the next 6 months to overlook your splurge when you’re constantly pinching pennies or running out of money for items.

Here is how I look at it…if the dress really puts a dent in your overall budget, sacrifices are going to have to be made and (you probably won’t like this next part) they should be made in areas that are more important to you than him.  Maybe you go with a plain wedding band instead on one with stones in it or maybe you wear a pair of shoes that you already own, you might have a friend do your hair or you do your own make-up… I can think of several little things that are “luxuries” for us brides.  You may not be able to trim $2000 but you can get close 🙂  It will be tough & will take perseverance but I think if you look at the situation, you’ll realize you can do it. 

I can somewhat understand your fiancé’s disappointment, this is his wedding too and the thought that he may have to cut some of his friends or family off the guest list is probably the hardest part for him. I think it would go a long way if he sees you’re willing to give up some things to make sure that this will still be the wedding of his dreams too.  Good luck!

Post # 58
Member
1229 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Okay, don’t freak out about cutting your timeline short. 

When I ordered my Jim Hjelm they told me to expect that it would be in 6-8 months!  But it only took 3.5 months!  And I bought mine the same time of year (late January). 
And don’t worry.  I had a bubble hem (difficult to hem) straps, corset, pin-tucks and my bra altered all in 3 weeks – for no extra cost.

Post # 59
Member
52 posts
Worker bee

I think everyone is being unfair and very judgemental. Yes you went over budget, but your fi agreed! it would have been horrible wrong if you did it without consulting him. First of all you look amazing in that dress and secondly its up to her what she decides to cut from the wedding. A wedding is the one day in your life you get to wear a dress like that and feel beautiul. If your fi and you together decide to buy an expensive dress and have a more intimate wedding, then thats your decision! If he was not ok with the purchase he should have said so upfront instead of nagging you after. Also while its great to make the guest comfortable and happy, the wedding is not all about them. You and your Fiance are spending alot of money on a wedding and your happiness comes first. Alot of people go to weddings and just complanin anyways, you cant please everyone. Do what makes the both of you happy, and please everyone stop judging her for making one decision to buy a dress over budget!

Post # 60
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

dancer, I agree, I thought everyone was a bit harsh.  Especially like the dress is already bought, there’s no going back now 🙂

You checked with him, and he ok’ed it.  You’re just gonna have to cut in other areas, and you understand that.  I’m glad you found a dress that makes you so happy, and its gorgeous.. you have to feel like a million bucks on your wedding day, so I’m happy for you!!!

You can make up the difference in other ways. 

As for the alterations & timing, they will make sure you get it done in time, could be costly though…

Post # 61
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

You only live once!   The dress looks stunning on you, and its not just about how it looks. It’s about how it feels!  This your wedding day you deserve to feel special!  What’s done is done so move on and ENJOY

Could you get a second job maybe on the weekends to cover the extra expense?  Babysitting?  Maybe cut back on the trips to Starbux or do your own mani’s?

My grandma lived in Poland during WWII she traded some of her food rations for fabric rations.  She would laugh and say her stomach was empty but at least she looked good!

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