(Closed) i broke the first rule of bridal parties…

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: should i drop MOHzilla?
    yes : (4 votes)
    7 %
    no way jose : (37 votes)
    62 %
    ask her to step down as MOH and just be a BM : (15 votes)
    25 %
    run for the hills! : (4 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1986 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I’m probably alone in this, but I read a whole lot of ME ME ME in that post. You can’t drop a member of your Bridal Party without looking like a Bridezilla. Which is already debatable.

    Post # 4
    Member
    5993 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    i think you need to realize that although your wedding is very imporant to you its not the most important thing to everyone else, especially as your wedding isnt until September, there is a huge amount of life being lived between now and then and im guessing a pregnant woman getting her maternity pics done is just as important to her as your get together for your bm’s

    to which i have said “no, you won’t. no (screaming) children. none.”

    as far as the babies at the wedding – did you actually say “no screaming kids” to her? thats like me saying to your face “dont go all screaming bridezilla on me” to your face – to a parent its rude and makes it personal.   IF you did say that to her, as a parent you instantly are going to make her defensive. IF you didnt say it that way to her then maybe shes got breastfeeding/seperation anxiety that you might want to talk to her about

    Post # 5
    Member
    617 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    I voted not to get rid of her.  I don’t really understand what it is that she has done that warrants her being kicked out.  She took unflattering pictures of you in your dress (on purpose? I can’t imagine that), So she didn’t show up because she had a maternity shoot. People have other priorities and that obviously was important to her.  Things come up and people can’t make get togethers; I wouldn’t take that personally.  I can see you would be a bit put off that she was late to your engagement party and forgot what she was supposed to bring, but like you said-it was still a great time.  And I think your response to her about bringing her baby to the wedding wasn’t the nicest reply to that.  I can understand she would change the subject, it doesn’t sound like you explained how you felt or tried to hear out her concerns why she would need the baby there.  Does she need help finding a sitter?  Is she going to breastfeed?  If you kick her out be prepared to no longer have a friendship with her.

    Post # 6
    Member
    971 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2008

    @Chocolatte: This line tells me a lot.  You wrote: but then this morning i get a text from her about how she had such a great time at this shoot, blah, blah, blah – i admit it was all blah to me.

    Guess what?  All of your wedding talk is blah blah blah to her.  Now you know how she feels. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    5993 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    good pickup BanditGirl

    Post # 8
    Member
    971 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2008

    Thanks, eloping!  Friendship is a two way street.  The OP didn’t care about her friend’s stuff but expects her friend to care about her stuff?  Seriously?

    Post # 9
    Member
    971 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2008

    Is your Maid/Matron of Honor a professional photographer?  Did you pay her to take photos?  If not, it’s not her fault if the photos were unflattering.  In the day of digital cameras, you could’ve looked at her work and asked someone else to take the photo if you weren’t happy with it. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    9029 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    This is what I think, you should not let her wear the color she wants. it is your wedding and the least she can do is suck it up and wear the color dress you chose for her. You should definitely stand your ground on this issue.

    I dont think its her fault that the pics didnt come out as nice as you hoped, pics taken in salons tend not to be the most flattering anyway, my mom took mine and they dont look too hot, but I know my mom usually takes good pics.  I think that since she is your moh, you should consider making an excpetion for her baby, but maybe I’m just partial to babies. I can understand her leaving the older kids at home but the baby may need his/her mommy..

    Alot of the responses on here a little on the harsh side. I think we can be honest to the OP without overdoing it.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1269 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    @Chocolatte:I think some things might be annoying but that’s what comes with friendship.  How much work would that be if we had to be perfect all the time or our friends would de-friend us? 

    As for the Bridesmaid or Best Man dress, I guess I don’t know your friend but that seems a little mean to say she obviously wants to take your spotlight by looking different.  It’s not uncommon for the Maid/Matron of Honor to wear a different dress.  She asked, you said no, did she go get a new one anyways? 

    Her life is in a slightly different place right now than yours with her kids and I think even the most organized mom can feel she is overloaded. 

    Personally, I would stand up for your friend who has people talking about her behind her back and ask your other BM’s to back off.  I would also schedule some time to hang out with your friend alone and not talk about wedding stuff.  Ask her about the maternity shoot, be interested in her life.  You were a big girl, no one forced themselves to be your Maid/Matron of Honor.  I assume you wanted her at the start.  Make all of them MOH’s.  It sounds to me like all of them deserve the title.

    Post # 12
    Member
    303 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @bells: I agree. People are sarting to get a little rude and it’s not necessary.

    Chocolatte: if it’s not working out, it’s not working out. You know it’s not working out when your bridal party is requesting you to kick her out. Not only is her attitude affecting you, it’s affecting everyone else. No one wants a party pooper. I think she wants more attention because she is Maid/Matron of Honor and she is pregnant, it’s almost as if this is turning into a competition to her. I would let her down gently by saying you don’t want the wedding planning and your constant phone calls to stress out her and the baby when she should be enjoying this time, but you would love her to be a bridesmaid.

    Post # 13
    Member
    153 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @Belle2Be:  That was so uncalled for!

     

    @Chocolatte:  I think maybe you need to take a step back and put yourself in her shoes.  My friend just had her first baby a couple weeks ago and I can already see changes, but that is what happens.  That is such a big part of a womens life, even if it isn’t her first child.  I would not kick her out, but I do think maybe that you both should sit down and talk.

    Post # 14
    Member
    661 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    I agree with @MissBabeski

    I voted to bring not have her as a Maid/Matron of Honor, but as a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  Fact is, based on your post, it doesn’t sound like you wanted her as your Maid/Matron of Honor anyway; more like you did it because you were Maid/Matron of Honor in her wedding.  But, regardless, I do agree with others by saying that some of the things she has done so far doesn’t warrant her being kicked out.  However, if her attitude is bad to the point where others are requesting her to be kicked out, you may want to think and consider an alternative.

    As far as the dress being a different color – poop on that.  Your wedding, your say. 

    And the children … same thing.  (IMO)  But, there is a nicer way to say it, so keep that in mind as well.

    I would tell her that with the new baby coming and with all these wonderful things that are happening to her, you wouldn’t want to the stress of the Maid/Matron of Honor position to affect her.  So, you would love for her to be in the wedding party … but as a Bridesmaid or Best Man.

    Some people will appreciate the thought that YOU did it, instead of THEM having to tell you.  First rule in picking your bridal party … make sure you’re not asking too much from the people that are in it.  They all have lives, bills, issues, etc …. so if you have someone with a lot going on, I would save them the trouble of being responsible for making sure my day goes well.  I’d rather them enjoy it (since life for them is so stressful).  Hope this helps!

    Post # 15
    Member
    5093 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 2012

    I think you need to take a step back and think about what’s happening in her life right now.  Remember, your wedding is nowhere near as important to anyone else as it is to you and your Fiance.  People have their own lives to prioritize.

    I think you should think about allowing the seven-month-old baby.  Really, a nursing infant will do nothing but sleep through the whole thing.

    Post # 16
    Member
    344 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    Looking back in time, there were definitely periods where I was ME ME ME about my wedding and I think every bride goes through that, so in those terms, I don’t think @Belle2Be: is completely wrong. But! when you’re planning a wedding, it is totally the at the very top of The Things That Matter list, so I can understand where Chocolatte is coming from too. 

    @Chocolatte: it TOTALLY sucks that your Maid/Matron of Honor is skipping your events and seemingly shirking on some of her Maid/Matron of Honor responsibilities. She should have declined or asked to be pardoned from the duty once she realized how much she had on her plate. So you should definitely try to gently suggest the idea of stepping down. If she is against it, then I wouldn’t push the matter and try to understand her situation.  Best of luck to you!

    The topic ‘i broke the first rule of bridal parties…’ is closed to new replies.

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