- 9 years ago
- Wedding: October 2012
I don’t know what to do with myself. Everyone I know keeps telling me to be strong and give myself some space and time to figure out if my fiance and I are meant to be. I just can’t breathe.
I broke up with my fiance last night, we’ve been having problems for a while. It basically comes down to the fact that he always argued that I could never support him and be by his side 100% of the time. I argued that yes that was partly true b/c I cant support his behavior towards my family at times and he has never changed that.
From day one my parents have never though he respected them and i know thats partially true b/c my fiance has a big mouth and no filter and kinda said what he was thinking. He never though that was wrong though, and he always thought that being honest was the best way. My parents/family took him to be too bold. My fiance liked to question why people in my house did certain things and persisted until he felt he got his answer. I know i’m sounding vague here. Bascially he felt that his feelings were never validated and he just always told me to support him whether he’s wrong or right but i feel like if he’s wrong and being rude to my family how can i support that?
We’ve been together about 6 years. He’s my one and only bf, love, everything. My parents and fiance and i attempted to talk it out the other to smooth things over, but it got so out of control and heated and at the end of it, my parents basically told me i’d be better off to get rid of him and that we dont like him for you. I was devastated. I knew they didn’t like him the most but I never thought they’d tell me so point blank. They feel that he is rude, they think all he cares about is my money (which isn’t true at all) they think he cant provide a life (he works in the airlines and has held down 3 jobs last year just to get me the ring i want)..and it goes on.
I tried talking to my fiance and he said that if it were reversed, that he would stand by my side if everyone in the world hated me, as long as he loved me that’s all he needed. To be honest I do love him with all my heart, he’s my world and I would die for him. He just cant understand how importantly i want to have a close family one day that includes all our relatives and I want everyone to get along. He doesnt care if that happens, he said he would be polite but dont expect more than that. And my mom said that she would never ever come over and they’d walk on egg shells if they had to but dont expect us to be ever be close to ur family.
I feel so lost and stuck in the middle and contemplated over days what to do. I spent all of Sunday with my fiance and i felt so much better being by his side and just hugging him. I told him i can live with everyone being mad about us and maybe oneday they’d see what i see. I came home that night and got ambushed by mom and sister and my mom told me that my dad would be happy if i eneded today. I was so upset and told my fiance and he said just take time to think what i want. All he wants is for me to be happy.
I decided yesterday that i couldnt take being so ambivalent anymore and just figured i’d see if i can change fiances mind and try to mend things over again. He said no and that if I loved him i’d be with him. It took 7 hours to break up with him, i didnt want to leave. We just cried and cried about our good times and he kept telling me that all he wants is for me to be happy and that i’ll find someone who will. I cant get the image out of my mind of him bawling over me. I feel like the shittiest person in the world for making him suffer.
He treated me so well during our dating years and always put me first. I dont understand why this is happening. Im so angry at my family b/c i feel like i broke up with him for them b/c i knew they’d never ever approve. EVen though they keep telling me its my life and ur decision, i know what they think and it kills me.
My sister says give it a month and see how u feel but that seems so difficult to imagine. Everyone is trying to give me support but it doesnt help. I miss him and he’s the only thing at the moment that can make me happy. I cant eat or sleep and im missing work for the 3rd day now. Im waiting for our venue to call us back so i can cancel our hall and the wait is killing me. I feel so lost and like my world is over and no one understands b/c they think i made the right decison. But i dont think i did.