(Closed) I broke up with my fiance last night :(

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1359 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Personally, I would never be with someone who was rude to my family either. You sound like you are very family focused and value harmony and peace. Your ex-fiancee doesn’t. Those are BIG values to not have in common.

Post # 4
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m so sorry! Hopefully you can take this time to reavaluate everything! While your love to Fiance is most important, a man who doesn’t respect your family doesn’t respect you.

Post # 5
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee

@waitingtobeamrs: it sounds like he’s a good man to you but it is very difficult to be with someone who doesn’t respect your family. I hope he’ll realize that he doesn’t need to love your family but at least respect them. I wish you the best of luck! Hugs!! 

Post # 6
Member
3799 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

If you broke up with him to make others happy, that won’t end well for anyone. If you broke up with him because he doesn’t seem to respect your family, that’s another issue….and you were probably right in your decision. However, being loud and not having a filter is not always the same as being disrespectful, I guess it just depends on what kind of things he says to/about your family.

It sounds like he really is a good guy. Everyone has their faults. Just take some time and see where it goes. Perhaps don’t cancel the venue just yet?

Post # 7
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee

((HUGS!))  I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you, but it sounds like you made the right descision.  

Post # 7
Member
1120 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

I remember your previous posts about your situation with your Fiance. I had commented on it as well. I think that right now, of course you’re focusing on how badly it hurts; it’s completely normal.

But the bottom line is that he’d sooner have you leave than change his ways and make an effort to recognize that his behavior was wrong. That shows you where his priorities lie.

Cry a good shot and mourn the ending of your relationship, then hold your head up straight and be proud of yourself for putting an end to an unacceptable situation. You will come out stronger for it and will find someone who loves you enough to recognize when he’s wrong, and for whom respecting your family will be natural, not something so hard to do that he’ll let you leave instead of being careful.

Hugs.

Post # 8
Member
6248 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

Maybe losing you will make him realize that a relationship takes work and both people have to compromise.

*hugs*

Post # 9
Member
4419 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I’m so sorry.  I know how difficult it can be when your family does not like the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. I can tell you, from my experience, that your family is probably right. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but more often than not it’s true.

I’ve been married twice before, to people that my family did not like and who they did not feel was right for me. In the end, they were right. I ended up being misserable, because even though I was initially attracted to them because they were so different from my family, I really was not compatible with them in the long term because they were so different from me. 

Family gatherings were so tense and not enjoyable for anyone. That meant Christmas, New Years, Thanksgiving, Easter, etc. were events to be dreaded with anxiety rather than looked forward to with anticipation. Family gatherings were something to be endured, and afterwards, they were things that we looked back on were glad they were over. 

I was constantly in the middle of trying to defend my family to my husband or trying to defend my husband to my family. I was constantly making excuses for one or the other, always wishing that they could just get along. It wasn’t ever going to happen, and I was never going to have a peaceful life that I could just enjoy ever. 

I loved my family and I thought I loved my husband… I couldn’t imagine spending my life with anyone else. However, in the end, the stress was just too much and we ended up divorcing.  Now, I’m not saying that would happen to you, but I am saying it is so much nicer when you find someone who gets along with your family and who your family likes. I can tell you that from experience. 

I know it hurts now, but trust your family. They have known you a lot longer, and they can see things that you can’t. It was true for me.

Post # 10
Member
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

Did you do it for you or your family?

I have to say that my Fiance is very bold, sarcastic, and says what’s on his mind as well.  My family doesn’t care for it and have questioned if I’m happy.  They think he does it constantly to me, but that’s not true.  He’s a very laid back guy.  He just likes to bust balls once in awhile even if it comes off the wrong way.  

That being said, I know Fiance respects my family.  I have told him in the past to lay off on the sarcasm and he has.  I wouldn’t leave him because my family didn’t necessarily care for his sense of humor.  My family is also very sensitive and quick to defend theirselves.

I’m sorry you’re going through this.  I hope you find what really maks you happy and go with your heart instead of your mind.  Good luck.

ETA:  FI is a very caring, loving person.  He treats me so well and we’re incredibly happy together.  There’s never been a time where he’s talked down to me or family.

Post # 11
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I am so sorry you are going through this but just know that these problems wont go away without compromise from both sides

From someone who doesnt care for their sister’s boyfriend i can say that he has grown on me and i dont dislike him as much as i once had. i still dont think they are right together but that is her decision to make, not mine. and hating him only makes it uncomfortable and awkward for everyone. they are together, she isnt going to leave until she wants to and I just have to deal with that and make the most of it ya know? i love my sister and support her, even if i dont think its the best scenario for her.

i think your boyfriend needs to step it up and try and be civil with your family, its one thing to be blunt and honest but another to provoke the family and be rude about how they conduct things in their home, some things he should just keep to himself. As for your family they need to work on it too – its not their decision who you get to be with and they have to learn to deal with whoever you choose – i highly doubt your parents will write you off for being with him in the long run.

on another note…I think its good to take some time apart, not only for you, but for him too – give him some time to think about his actions but i dont think he is the only one at fault here, your parents clearly dislike him too which can only aggrevate him and make him more uncomfortable around them which probably contributes to his rudeness if he is an outspoken person anyway.

I know it hurts, but hang in there – when its right – you will just know.

Post # 12
Member
3776 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

I think that breaking up with him because of the way he gets along with your family is a really bad idea.  He sounds like he loves you very much and throwing that kind of love away when you love him too is crazy to me.  I don’t get along with my husbands family because we just see things too differently, but that is one segment of our life.  He is the absolute love of my life and I can’t imagine if he he would have thrown me away because of that.  Your family has to accept his weirdnesses to.

Post # 14
Member
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Honestly, I would never let my family influence me so much.  I feel it is selfish of them to try to control your life, but I see your fiance has been selfish too as far as not being respectful to them.  

My opinion on all of this is skewed because my husband is number one in my life.  Will I call him out if he is wrong?  Yes, but I will always stand by his side before anyone else and that includes my family.  If any of my family told me to leave him, I would tell them to F off.

I wish you the very best and I hope you come to terms with this decision.

 

Post # 15
Member
3776 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

@Lt.Columbo: Exactly!  I am always going to be in my husbands corner.  I might think he is wrong and tell him about it later but NEVER would I call him out publically and he would never do that to me.  When he is wrong, I say nothing in the presence of others because my loyalty is with him.

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