(Closed) I called it off :(

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Oh i’m so sorry you’re going through this……we’re here if you need to vent….

Post # 4
6980 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

So sorry 🙁 I’m sure you did the right thing though. If you don’t think you’d have been happy married to him… just think how much worse being in an unhappy marriage or getting divorced would be from what you’re going through now. My Maid/Matron of Honor called off a wedding a few months before, that was 3 years ago and she never regrets the decision. She’s now happily engaged to another man and says she feels 100% different… like this time its actually right. I hope you are at peace with your decision. 

Post # 5
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m so sorry that this is something you are going through…I was in a similar situation before and it’s really hard…and I know I didnt’ want to talk to anyone and doubted my decision but it ended up being the best decision of my life. Only you can determine that…and as babybluz said we are definatly here if you need to vent or just talk it out…good luck hun!


Post # 6
480 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

You have to follow your gut, and if you think it’s right for you it probably is. It’s better now then years down the road getting a divorce. We are here for you for advice and venting. Feel better:)

Post # 7
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

i’m so sorry 🙁 – soon, most of the “newness” of it being called off will wear away, and you won’t have to be left with the reminders and questions about it – just keep your head up and know that this is a place to vent or talk if you ever need it

Post # 9
5323 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m so sorry sweetie, but good for you following your gut. I know it’s hard to see the other side of this right now, but just hang in there. Take it an hour at a time if you need to, cry when you feel like it. When I was going through a really rough time a few years back, a good friend said to me “Just breathe. Sometimes all you can do is just breathe.” I think that was the best piece of advice I ever got. Can you go visit your parents or a friend for the weekend and just get some space to yourself and some family support?


Post # 10
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

So sorry. Once this difficult time passes I’m sure you’ll see how you’ve made the right decision. Surround yourself with family and friends and perhaps have them spread the word and work with vendors. Try to involve yourself in some new activities – it helps to keep your mind off of things if you’re not home by yourself. But be sad, cry if you need to, it’s okay to feel that way, each day you’ll feel a little bit better and eventually you’ll get past it.

Post # 11
3338 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I know it’s hard to hear, but you did the right thing.  You need time, and in time, things will get better.  I actually commend you for being so bold, not a lot of other people would do that in your situation.  Best of luck to you.

Post # 12
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011 - The Tribute Golf Club

I am so sorry that you are going through this!

Post # 13
4005 posts
Honey bee

I’m really sorry to hear that you’re going through this right now! It’s especially hard because you moved away from friends and family to be with him, and you’re also losing two people who were very important in your life. Knowing that you had that gut feeling, a few years down the line, you’ll know that this decision you made was the best for all of you. It’s better to know and do this now than to have gotten married and go through a painful divorce. Going through the painful breakup is enough!

Feel free to come to the bee to vent all you need to. Refrain from calling him or staying in touch with him. It will just bring up the pain all over again, and it’s not something you need right now. Stay strong and you’ll be fine!

Post # 14
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010 - Rancho San Carlos

I’m so sorry for what you’re going through.  My sister was engaged at the same time I was, and she called her wedding off this past January.  She said something similar, in her gut it just didn’t feel right.  There were many months of guilt and regret, but they were swirled in with feelings of relief and the feeling that she had done the right thing.  Now, nearly a year later, she is 100% confident that she did the right thing, but tells me it was the hardest thing she’s ever done. 

I can’t possibly understand what you’re going through, but I want to tell you that it takes a very strong and courageous woman to know when it’s not right, and to call it off instead of going along with the charade. 

Sending lots of strength and hope your way, along with assurances that this painful time will get easier. 

Post # 15
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I’m so sorry that you have to go through this! Is there anything you can do to prevent all the questions? Have your mom call the vendors and explain what happened so they aren’t calling you. And have close friends and family spread the word, noting that you aren’t up to talking about it yet. I went through the same sort of thing when I miscarried, I didn’t want to talk about it. I made sure to have my hubby tell everyone so I didn’t have to. And I even made my mom tell my dentist (she goes to the same one and they couldn’t take xrays last time so they knew I was pregnant) so they wouldn’t ask me. It really helped.

I also understand the facebook status thing. I broke up with my ex of 7 1/2 years and it took me a while to update my facebook. And then when I got into another relationship it took me a while to update it to “in a relationship” b/c I was scared I’d just have to change it again. Why does facebook have such a big effect on us?

Post # 16
83 posts
Worker bee

I, too, just called off my engagement for that same feeling you are describing.  That feeling that it just didn’t feel right.  Even after months of talking it through with him and with others, reading books like The Conscious Bride, going to counseling, etc, I knew it still didn’t feel right. 

The best advice I can give you is to be patient with yourself.  Do not give yourself a timeline of when you think you should feel right or better or get over this.  Everyone is different, and every situation is different.  Even after I felt some relief with my decision (after months of anxiety, depression and struggling with feeling this way), I still have days where I feel regret, sad, guilty, etc.  Let those emotions come. It’s all part of the grieving process.

Also, check out this great post: http://apracticalwedding.com/2010/04/the-wedding-dropout-or-how-i-never-became-a-wedding-graduate/

Feel free to message me if you need to chat.  Chin up!

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