(Closed) I called my bridesmaid to give her an out…but nothing.

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
3364 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

After making every attempt to contact her…I’d email her. And just tell her exactly how you feel; what you told us for the most part. But remember to make it more of a “burden off of her” in hopes of keeping the air clear; unless you’re just at wits ends and ready to be done with her; then let her have it! lol

I have a very similar Matron of Honor and I feel for you; I hope things get situated!

xo

Post # 5
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee

Can you leave her a voicemail?  I know that’s not typically something you want to discuss through a voicemail but you could just explain and say that you’ve been trying to get a hold of her?

Post # 8
Member
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I had a very similar problem. I had one bridesmaid who would just ignore me and not respond to anything. She didn’t even respond to my Maid/Matron of Honor when it came to dress shopping, bachelorette party, etc. Ultimately I gave her an out and she didn’t take it. Literally, two minutes after I had clicked “send” she responded to me via text about how committed she was and how she was still in, blah blah blah. Needless to say after that she has gotten back to being non-responsive. We are two months out and I am not even sure she has ordered her dress. She won’t tell me if she has or hasn’t. She hasn’t responded to my Maid/Matron of Honor about the bach party so my Maid/Matron of Honor has decided not to make an effort in communicating with her anymore. We are almost expecting her to flake out on our trip and the wedding….and honestly, it wouldn’t bother me one bit if she did. We can adapt and overcome.

I didn’t have the heart to tell her to get the eff out either; I’m not the type to be that kind of drama, however, this is the one time I wish I had the balls to just let out my inner bitch. I’d hate for you to have to deal with what I have if she didn’t take the out…it’s definitely not something worth stressing over, and the more it goes on and doesn’t change, the more you’re going to resent her.

I do hope things work out for the better!

Post # 9
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: November 2011

This has happened to a friend of mine….. Here’s what she did.

  1. Called her bridesmaid twice and left a nice message asking her to return her call. Just incase she answers have a few points written down so you don’t get tongue tied or angry.
  2. If she doesn’t return you call then send her and email an just let her know that this is not working for you. Make sure you keep it short and sweet. Also get a friend to read over it before you send it. Just incase.

Hope this helps you.

Post # 10
Member
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Is that you need to give her an out or that you want her out?

Post # 12
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

If you don’t want to hurt her feelings or burn bridges, then keep her in and expect nothing.  

She won’t be responsive and she won’t be helpful.  Expect that.

I’m a little confused about the part where you made her a conditional Bridesmaid or Best Man.  I understand wanting to be closer to her – especially as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, but it sounds like she didn’t have the mutual desire to be close to you (especially the ‘you’re trying too hard’).

🙁  I’m sorry you are having to deal with this – this should be the LAST thing you have to worry about!!

Post # 13
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I agree, if she is avoiding you, then I would send her an  email, with a receipt request so you know she read it.

Post # 14
Member
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

is she going to add any stress to your day or will you really regret having her in it if you were to look back on this ten years from now? if you answer is yes to either than you will have to really sell her on why it’s a good idea for her not to be in it. If you answer is no, keep her in. 

You could say to her that it looks like she has a lot going on in her own life and maybe it would be best if she were just a guest at your wedding as there is a lot of extra time and energy in being a good Bridesmaid or Best Man. Part of being a good Bridesmaid or Best Man is also being part of a support system for the bride. 

Post # 16
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

OMG, I had a friend who would borrow my clothes and never return them. I had to literally loot her closet when she wasn’t looking to take back my things! I hate that!

but anyway, sounds like she isn’t being a good friend. you can’t force a friendship to happen.

@CupCakeMeg: I agree with what you said: After making every attempt to contact her…I’d email her.

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