(Closed) I can hear our downstairs neighbors having sex! Best way to handle this?

posted 5 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
Member
2347 posts
Buzzing bee

mrssocal:  I live in nyc and have lived in apartments all of my adult life so I might have a different take than many other bees.

I feel like apartment living means you’re going to hear some noise, just comes with the territory. 

Since the lady in question is the manager, unfortuantely I think you just have to deal with it. Notes left are rarely taken well in this kind of scenario. 

In nearly 10 years of apartment living I’ve only complained about noise once and it was because our downstairs neighbors were running an illegal club out of the building. One day I came home and was asked by some huge guy at my apartment door for a cover charge! Haha, I was like, Uh, NO. I LIVE HERE. 

They got kicked out but that was pretty extreme. People have all different schedules. My upstairs neighbor bartends and so he works until 4 am and then comes home, makes dinner, etc. I can hear him walking around, watching tv, etc. But that’s just how it goes. What about earplugs?

Post # 3
Member
1782 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I would call the police and file a noise complaint, esp. If it sounds like murder. I wouldn’t indicate to the cops that it’s sex for sure, act neve and say you don’t know what the sound is… violence? Play dumb… that’s what I would do. Sorry youre dealing with an over boisterous woman. She’s compensating for something that’s missing. Noone needs to scream while doing it, in fact the best sex is often intimate and quiet, too busy kissing, etc…

Post # 4
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2016

We live in an old tenement in NYC, all the apartments are super tiny and super packed in with an air shaft between buildings. Every single night for 3 months straight the girl above us would get pounded.  Every. Single. Night. Right above our heads, and they always started right when we switched rooms to go to bed.  I beared it for awhile but one night around Christmas I snapped and shouted through the ceiling and open air shaft window “every night we can hear you!”  They immediately stopped, and we haven’t heard much since.  I think she was embarrassed and didn’t realise how audible she was.

Maybe make yourself known, but more subtly?  Like when they get noisy make a little noise yourself (coughing, tv, laughing, suddenly need to run to the other room) and hope she gets the hint.  My method is notably passive aggressive though.  It might not work in other places!  Especially if she doesn’t care/likes the fact she can be heard.

Post # 5
Member
350 posts
Helper bee

Clap and cheer them on. Make it known that you can hear them lol

Post # 6
Member
2268 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

mrssocal:  I’m a total jerk so don’t take my advice, but I usually leave passive aggressive notes on the door. Like: 

“Hey! I noticed you and your significant other love having loud sex! Me too! Could you possibly change your schedule, though? I’m a neighbor and I have trouble sleeping when it sounds like someone is being murdered or tickeled profusely downstairs. If not, could you at least invite us? Also, I like brie cheese and since your hosting, this seems like an important thing to know. If you are indeed having extreme tickle fights at all hours of the night, carry on. Or invite me to judge? Whatever you deem is best…”

Post # 7
Member
47252 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

newbabybee:  Right, that’s what we need our police to spend their time on. Monitoring people who are having sex.

Post # 8
Member
460 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Just leave an anonymous note, they don’t have to know it’s you who’s complaining. Unfortunately, being able to hear things like that is just a side-effect of living in an apartment.

Post # 9
Member
1552 posts
Bumble bee

newbabybee:  Haha I love it! That would be quite the embarrassing visit from the police!

Post # 10
Member
1843 posts
Buzzing bee

julies1949:  I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks that was a stupid idea!

newbabybee:  I’m sorry but not all women who are loud in bed are “compensating for something that is missing”. Sometimes it’s really thrilling to not be quiet and let it all out.

 

mrssocal:  I don’t know that there is much you can do without coming off as a bit of a jerk here. Hearing noises from other apartments is just part of apartment living and since they aren’t playing loud music (or as one PP mentioned, running an illegal club) at 3am they aren’t doing anything wrong. If it really concernes and you want to do something, have really loud sex around the time that they usually do. Make it so that they can hear you and hopefully they realise that they can be heard and will quieten down a bit. They may just not care though. 

Post # 11
Member
7430 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

I would buy a sound machine and some earplugs.

Post # 12
Member
9544 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

mrssocal:  I’d bring it up as a suggestive joke but not like you’re complaining about it:

Her: Good morning!

You: Well, I would hope so after last night!

With a smile and a big, exagerated wink .

I bet she doesn’t realize and will be quieter from embarasment. But you get to be the fun, friendly, joking neighbor, rather than rhe jerky, conplaining neighbor.

Post # 13
Member
1782 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

OneDayMrsL:  we will have to agree to disagree. I understand some moaning, but not yelling or screaming… that’s just being too boisterous. 

Post # 14
Member
1782 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

julies1949:  if it’s keeping me up, you darn right. I had loud neighbors at 1 point who lived below me. Not sex but loud music at all different hours. Turns out they were on drugs and selling drugs. The cops came for a noise complaint and left with 2 in handcuffs, sometimes cops can be very helpful. 

 

Post # 15
Member
11479 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I spent many years living in an apartment complex, and I could hear my upstairs neighbors. I finally decided to write an anonymous note that offered at least the plausibility of anononymity, given the way that I phrased the note.

I made reference to the couple perhaps being unaware of the “very thin walls and floors” in our complex, so that the recipient couldn’t be sure if it was I or a next door neighbor who had written the note. I kept my comments short and as polite as possible, and I used the least descriptive language I could to deliver the message.

I hope all goes well for you.

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