(Closed) I can hear our downstairs neighbors having sex! Best way to handle this?

posted 5 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 47
Member
3277 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Calling the police for loud sex noises is a ridiculous waste of taxpayer money and resources.

I had to laugh at the assumption that women who are loud in bed are overcompensating. Some women are more vocal in bed and making a lot of noise is an important part of sexual satisfaction for them. 

Noise from other tenants is par for the course when living in an apartment. Leaving an anonymous note for your neighbour is a good idea. Other than that, perhaps you need to think about renting a home outside of the city. 

Post # 48
Member
1992 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’ve lived in apartments for a while now, and I expect that hearing certain things are just a part of apartment living. So, I generally don’t get to miffed about hearing people having sex.  If someone is bothering me with noise that I think is excessively loud & inconsiderate, then I’ll approach them directly 1st.  That’s always been the way that I’ve preferred to handle things.  And that’s just because that’s the way I’d prefer people handle things if they had an issue with me.  

My current neighbors downstairs (old retired couple that just moved in, who arent’ used to living in apartments, and exhibit hermit-like behaviour), apparently think that we’re just awfully noisy, and have placed a couple complaints through management about us. According to them: our alarm clock is too loud, we come in too late at night, they can hear our 20lb dogs running around. Well you best believe we confronted them directly, after they went to management.  And I’m sure it caught them off guard. It really just put a bad taste in my mouth when they did that.  I’m a very reasonable person, and try really hard to be considerate of my neighbors.  I wanted them to know that they could contact me directly.  When they went to management, I felt like they were just tattling, and I don’t have a lot of respect for that kind of behavior.  Generally, I feel like management should only be called when you’ve already tried to address the issue at the source, not before.

Post # 49
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Train station ceremony / Hilton reception

mrssocal:  If anyone here has told you to call the cops, PLEASE don’t listen to them. In my opinion, calling the cops would be an INSANE move.  People have to be able to live their lives — even if that means having sex sometimes. 

 

If it were me, I’d honestly just try to get a fan or something and turn it on the few times a week that it happens.  My parents are loud and I live with them, and sometimes I just turn a fan on outside my door and that helps drown out some of the noise.

Post # 50
Member
992 posts
Busy bee

Daisy_Mae:  (minus the incorrect spelling of “here”)

Post # 51
Member
5816 posts
Bee Keeper

Be glad landlady makes a bit of noise- it means she’s less likely to complain about yours. You wouldn’t want a landlady below you who was so quiet and fussy that she complained to you anytime she heard your TV/ friends over etc. Apartment/ condo living does mean having to hear some of your neighbours’ noise- you say it’s a beautiful, usually quiet complex you love,  so pick your battles and enjoy your new home 🙂 A fan works wonders, ditto carpeting with underpad.

Post # 52
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015 - Golf Course

I tend to agree with PPs saying apartment living comes with a certain degree of “hearing other people’s business”. I would suggest a white noise machine – a small fan works great, I have one and just turn it on and point it at the wall. It’s amazing how much it drowns out other sound. 

Leaving a note for her will probably just make her passive-aggressive, and she might have more sex and be louder 😛

Post # 53
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think I would just buy some earplugs and put up with it.

If it was loud TV until 3am (something I’ve had to deal with in the past), I would go over there and talk to her, but sex is such a difficult topic to handle that I would just let it go. If it was every night or at 3am, again, I would do something about it, but between 10pm and 12pm for half an hour 3x a week doesn’t seem like it would be too hard to put up with. 

You might be glad that she’s like that one day when you have a child or a reason to make a noise yourself.. she won’t be able to complain about you if you don’t complain about her.

Post # 54
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Agh loud sex noises really irrationally irritate me! In our last place there was a girl next door who got a boyfriend and every night at around 4/5am there would be this massive pounding on the wall just beside my head. It actually drove me mad (and woke me up!). If they had been playing loud music at this time I would have been round there first thing to complain but when it’s clearly someone going hell for leather between the sheets it’s a bit more embarrassing! Eventually one night at 4am I snapped , shouted “ARE THEY F**KING SERIOUS?” and banged multiple times on the wall. It shut them up!!!

Anyway for your problem OP I think an anonymous note is the way to go. As she’s your landlady you don’t want to sour emotions. Leave a polite note and see what happens 🙂

Post # 55
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

carolinabelle :  It’s just an annoying, overly personal form of noise pollution. Consider it in the same category as yelling and you might get the point. It can also be like rubbing it in one’s face if you’ve not had action for awhile, or similar to hearing someone watching porn. People do have a right not to hear it, just as with other obnoxious apartment noises.

Post # 56
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

swonderful :  You may be too tolerant of rude behavior if you put up with all that stuff. Others have a lower threshold and it doesn’t make them “complainers.” I would rather be able to relax in a place I pay serious money for than be liked/respected by trashy neighbors.

The modern world is also full of artificial electronic and engine noises that people never evolved to cope with. It all adds up to unnatural stress and cortisone levels.

Post # 57
Member
47279 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Mic1a :  What compelled you to open a thread that has been dead for 3 years to add your words of wisdom?

Post # 58
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

julies1949 :  The girl below me was moaning too loud at the wrong time and it irritated me, so I Googled the whole concept and found this!

One of the best things about the Internet is finding shared misery, so to speak.

I’m a guy, FYI, so hearing a woman doing that can be “unsettling.”

Post # 59
Member
47279 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Mic1a :  Or,       earplugs.

Post # 60
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

julies1949 :  Sleeping with earplugs is a safety risk and I only like to do it for a few hours max. This happened when I was awake and I put on headphones, but could still hear her caterwauling.

The topic ‘I can hear our downstairs neighbors having sex! Best way to handle this?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors