(Closed) I can honestly say my only regret is having bridesmaids *Rant*

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Did you let them know what you expected of them? Did you give them roles and to do lists once they agreed to be your bmaids? I only saying this because about 5 years ago I was a bmaid for my cousin and I had no idea I was expected to do all those things you just mentioned. I live about 2 hours away from her and all I did was buy the dress and shoes she asked me to and showed up to the parties and rehearsal and the wedding. Now that I’m planning my own wedding I realize the bmaids actually have jobs. I had no idea then and my cousin didn’t say anything. Now I wonder if she feels the same as you do.

Post # 4
4439 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

I don’t understand why brides repeatedly say they’re let down by the amount of support their friends provided them with.  What did you want them to do?  Did they know that?  

Showers and parties are thrown for you, if they want to host them, it’s not a given.

A hairdo, earrings and emergency kit that they need for YOUR wedding are not gifts.

Post # 5
8882 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

You’re going to get ripped on probably, seems to happen a lot on here when a bride expects BM’s to help out.

But honestly, I feel for you. It sounds like you’ve had no support. I’m sorry OP, just enjoy your wedding day!


Post # 7
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I get where you’re coming from, and I’m sorry that you’re hurt, but…what did you want them to do? I’m not totally in the “all they have to do is wear a dress and show up” camp, because they’re my friends and should be there for me at least emotionally, but :

did EVERYTHING for the wedding myself with my Mom 

(Save the dates, invites, shower, flowers, boutonnieres, programs, escort cards, centerpieces. EVERYTHING.) 

I did/will be doing almost all of this myself, while working full time, and this includes a million DIY projects. I designed all of our paper goods myself, DIYed my shoes and some of my jewelry, most of my BMs gifts, designed/building our ceremony backdrop, DIYing our centerpieces/program board/menu board, etc. There’s very little that I’m not doing myself, actually. What did you want them to do for you?

Post # 9
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I am sorry you had such an awful experience with the bmaids. I’m really nervous I’m going to have the same issue…I’m trying to read things like that to learn from them. I will recommend you try the very best you can to forgive them for it and move on. Try not to be bitter about it. Perhaps on the big day they will be really present for you, and supportive. They will better understand when they’re planning their own weddings. Some girls really are clueless when it comes to these things.

Post # 10
3688 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It sucks that they’ve been so uninvolved, but I have to agree with previous posters. If no one throws you a shower/bach party, you don’t throw one for yourself. If having these extra parties was so important to you, did you convey that to your bridesmaids? Did they know that they were responsible for doing that?

As far as bridesmaid gifts go, generally it’s recommended that you gift them something that has nothing to do with your wedding. Getting hair/jewelry/other wedding related things is great, that really helps to defray the cost for your girls, but it’s not really a *gift* to them, KWIM?

With invites, Save-The-Date Cards, centerpieces, etc — I don’t think you can outright expect the bridesmaids to help with these things. I’ll be doing all of it myself (with my mom’s help). I’ve had friends/bridesmaids volunteer to help, which is GREAT, but I don’t think you can expect it. I think all you can do is ask, and provide them with pizza/wine, etc. if anyone agrees to help out.

Post # 11
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m gonna side with you on this one – only because I experienced a little of both sides to this story for my wedding. I’m sorry that they weren’t more supportive and didn’t try to be involved with helping out more. To me, it sounds like it wasn’t a priority to them, which is unfortunate, bc as the bride, it’s absolutely priority to us.

Enjoy your wedding day, and honestly, try not to let it dampen how great everything will be! 

Post # 12
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@mandigrl04:  Laaaaaaaaame. Boo on them.

Post # 13
733 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

You’re like me: we dreamt all of our lives that our bridesmaids would Be just as excited for us as we always hoped. And then asking for simple tasks is like pulling teeth from some girls

i was asked to be Maid/Matron of Honor in my friends wedding – I had never even been to a real traditional wedding before. What did I do? I researched my role and I did everything I possibly could from halfway across the country because THATS WHAT BRIDESMAIDS do. 

its common sense that you throw a shower and a bachelorette party for the bride and you are actively involved. some brides expect more than others and thats the way it is, but I don’t think you deserve any flack for feeling let down. 

Post # 14
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m sorry this happened to you. It should be a “given” that the bridal party is supposed to HELP.THE.BRIDE.

I’ve been a Bridesmaid or Best Man 3 times and invested a lot of time and energy because the bride was a good friend of mine. ONe bride I spent nearly $800 being a Bridesmaid or Best Man for her and she never got us a gift because she could not afford it. We are still good friends to this day.

I always hate stories of horrible BMs because my wedding party was amazing. They helped assemble invites, helped looke for stuff and were generally soo excited and kept me calm.

Post # 16
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

I was Maid/Matron of Honor in my sisters wedding and I did all the party planning with my mom (bachelorette party, shower, fittings etc) so I understand why you are so upset with them, those things are a lot of work to plan and in my opinion that’s what Maid/Matron of Honor & BMs are for. I cannot imagine having to do all that work with your mom on top of planning a wedding.

I’m sorry that they aren’t helpful OP. Just think in a few more days you will be married and it will be behind you and you’ll see if they come through for you on your day.

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