- 6 years ago
- Wedding: December 2012
I knew there were things that he needed to work on prior to us getting married like:
1.) being more responsible with his money and paying his bills on a timely manner
2.) Admitting his mistakes
3.) Apologizing sincerely for hurting others
4.) acting immature in adult situations
5.) stubborn as f$^%
6.) communicating his feelings
We tried going to premarital therapy to discuss the drama he was having (and still having with his ex & mother of his child) because it was/still is causing problems with our relationship… Mostly, we fought because I didn’t agree with how he handled the situation.
We only attended 2 therapy sessions because we couldn’t afford 100 dollar sessions when we had to worry wedding costs. I have been seeing an individual therapist for the past 4 years (and am still seeing him).
To be honest, I don’t know how much therapy is going to help us because he is stubborn. really really stubborn. He doesn’t think anything he does IS wrong. He always tries to justify it by displacing blame or he simply says he was just having a “reaction.” If x person didn’t do x, he wouldn’t have reacted this way. That’s how he reasons.
Recently, I got a RUDE call from his mother. She BLAMED me for her son’s lack of maturity and responsibility. According to her, it’s MY fault that her son works so much; it’s my fault that he is so stressed out, it’s my fault that he ignores his family… I mean the list is endless. I felt very hurt, and extremely upset by this. What hurt me the most is that, after trying he avoided his mother for weeks because he didn’t want to hear her “complain” and talk [email protected]!$ to him, he wants me to give him the phone when he sees that I am defending my position. Once I hand him the phone, he lies to his mother and tells her that the only reason why he hasn’t contacted her in 3 weeks is because he’s been “SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO busy” doing all these things… instead of behing honest with her. He doesn’t tell her the real reason why he works so much: because he can’t afford to provide for his marriage mainly because he made poor financial decisions in the past that is now haunting him + he is in debt. He also doesn’t try to defend me… he never, in the conversation he had with her, called her out on being disrespectful towards me. After he hangs up the phone with her… he tries to be extra nice to me… like by giving me a kiss, etc.
I blew up. and out of everything that I expressed (feelings and all)… all he said “well it seems like everything is wrong, so divorce me” (which is HIS ONLY response to everything)…. I walked away because I was tired of trying to show him why I was upset… so I left to spend a few hours at my moms. While there, I texted him because I knew that is the only way I can communicate what I feel without him interrupting me or saying stupid things like I mentioned above.
and all he said “i’m sorry.”
but I don’t feel like it was sincere. I don’t feel like he meant it. I don’t think he sees/understands why this bothers me so much. When I came back home, he still had an attitude with me. I didn’t say much to him, and vice versa. You would think he would try to say…. “sorry for not defending or for owning up to my mistakes” but he didn’t.
I’m sure tomorrow he’s going to act like everything is “fine.” and I’m sure if I bring it up that it still bothers me, he’s going to say “well it seems like everything I do bothers you, so just divorce me.”
again, I knew he had the tendency to run away from his problems… but I just didn’t think to this extreme…. I am fed up with this, and fed up that I have to pick up his slack.
I know many people are going to suggest counseling, but as I mentioned before… he sees no point to it.
I’ve decided that at this point, if he doesn’t put his part… i’m just going to walk away completely.