(Closed) I can spend $$ on my wedding…..why the snub???

posted 9 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
2280 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I doubt that they’re angry at you personally, and I wouldn’t take it that way. I get upset when I hear about other couple’s budgets because I can’t afford what they have. It sucks to be poor and know that you’re limited, while other people seem capable of doing whatever they want. So yeah, other people will think that you’re spending a lot. But that’s just how it is, and that’s OK. Just do what you think is right and reasonable. 🙂

Post # 4
Member
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

some people are jealous, some people are judgemental.  spend what you want!  the recession has actually worked to my advantage since the prices have been lowered and yet my parents are paying and neither them nor my fiance’s parents who are also paying nor me nor my fiance have lost our jobs!

Post # 5
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I think sometimes people are jealous and then I think it depends on one’s view of money in general. For example, my cousin and his wife spent A TON on their wedding. They don’t own a house and were, at the time, both driving cars that didn’t work well. They were living in a house owned by our grandmother since they didn’t have a lot of money. I never would have done that, but I didn’t judge them for it. The wedding was beautiful, lovely and great but, for my personal tastes more than I would spend giving their financial situation. That said, there are people who wouldn’t pay as much for shoes, or a pair of pants as I would, so it depends on your perspective of money and isn’t always about jealousy, but really a lack of understanding.

I also think there is a secret guilt assocaited with spending a lot on a wedding, which can make people feel like they are being judged when they’re not. You feel guilty, well, that is about YOU. If you know you’re not doing anything wrong, your parents can (and want to!) pay for it then really you shouldn’t feel bad. It seems like, unless your friend has made comments to you, you feel bad because she can’t spend as much as you. In a way, that’s kind of a quiet judgment of her. Maybe she feels her vendors are “good,” just like you do. Maybe she’s worried you’re judging her because she can’t spend a lot. Again, it’s all about perspective, ya know.

It’s your day. Try not to get caught up in worrying what others may think about you. There is always someone who is going to have their own feelings about it.

Post # 7
Member
3285 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

she probably doesn’t realize that her comments are coming across that way. =)

don’t feel bad!!

Post # 8
Member
1756 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Everything has a price, and in your case, while you get the wedding of your dreams, it might be at the expense of outsiders thinking you’re a snob. If you don’t like it, scale back or grow thicker skin. Your friend could also have the wedding of her dreams, but to do it, she’d have to go into debt. Which isn’t a price she’s willing to pay. Nothing is free, even a wedding that’s paid for.

Post # 10
Member
1756 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Miss Casanova – That’s not what I said (although technically, your wedding is at the expense of someone else – your parents). What I said was that the price you pay for having the wedding of your dreams (its expense) is that others might think you’re a snob. Does this mean you’re actually a snob? I have no idea (but I suspect not). But it’s how people might see you. If this isn’t a price you’re willing to pay, then you might want to question whether it’s truly the wedding of your dreams.

Post # 11
Member
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I personally think it would be silly to change your wedding because of the way it might cause people to perceive you. I doubt you’re going to have champagne fountains, be carried in on the back of an elephant, or do anything else so over the top and excessive that it would be like throwing the cost of the wedding in people’s faces. It sounds like you’re having a very nice wedding, with amazing vendors who will likely ensure that your guests have a great time as well. If you/your parents can afford that, great. Just be happy about that, and don’t worry about other people’s jealousy/judgement 🙂

Post # 12
Member
2476 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

What exactly are other people saying/doing to make you feel guilty?

Post # 13
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I can understand where you are coming from as people thinking you are a snob b/c you are able to afford certain things…but I am not understanding the guilt. I can sympathize with other brides who may not be able to get the wedding of their dreams but it doesn’t cause me any guilt b/c I am getting mine. I mean people will always make comments…but from what I read..the people who matter..particularly your friend who is also planning her wedding…hasn’t called  you a snob or placed any guilt trips on you. I am the kind of person who doesn’t really care too much about what strangers care about my life choices. I give some consideration to family and close friends but at the end of the day…I have to do what I feel comfortable with. Now if you aren’t comfortable with the type of event you are throwing…even though your parents can afford it…then scale it down. If you are comfortable with it…let people say with they want and just enjoy your day.

Post # 14
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m a little confused- are your friends saying something to make you feel guilty or is it you feeling guilty when you talk about wedding plans?  There is a difference.  That being said, I do understand how you could feel guilty just by talking about something.  While my sisters haven’t exactly expressed excitement over my engagement- and they are both married moms- the few times we have discussed anything wedding related they have made me feel pretty small- by saying nothing.  The best advice I can give, which I am trying really hard to follow- is not let what others say or don’t say bother you.  It’s your wedding, not theirs, and if they can’t share in your joy, then that is just so sad.

Post # 15
Member
1756 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@JamaicaBride – Perfectly said! It boils down to whether your actions match your values. If they do, you’re golden, and there’s no need for guilt or feeling bad. But if they don’t, you need to change one to match the other or you’ll never be happy.

Post # 16
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I call it reverse snobism! I have noticed that regardless of the situation – wedding, buying a purse, buying a car, where to live, etc…. people look down on others for purchasing a nicer item! I don’t get it. I think it is nobody’s business except for your own. If you choose to spend more money planning your wedding – that is your and your parents’ decision. Its not like you are looking down on your friend for being a little more frugal – so why is acceptable to look down on you for spending more money?

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