(Closed) I can spend $$ on my wedding…..why the snub???

posted 12 years ago in Money
Post # 17
212 posts
Helper bee

My parents paid for my wedding and I think we came in just under $20K.  It was a beautiful wedding BUT yes, I did feel guilty at the amount spent.  Not because my friends made me feel guilty (many of their weddings have been like $40K or more) but because of the fact that, well, let’s face it, you are blowing more than what some people earn in ONE YEAR on one measley day!  How can you NOT feel guilty?! Think of what you could do with $20K if you put it towards a charity or whatever!  It’s like pollution… we know it’s bad but we still can’t stop driving cars… and when we think about it… GUILT!!!

Post # 18
3856 posts
Honey bee

This has gotta be super hard for your friend – I can’t imagine having to plan along side of someone who gets to spend more than me, thus ensuing she’ll have better quality everything than me. Are you being intentional to continually encourage her in the choices she’s making? As a supportive friend, do what you can to not let it become a comparison between the two. Your weddings will probably be really different, if you can express real interest and excitement for the elements she’s incorporating, even if they’re low cost, it’ll probably help her remember that her wedding will still be fabulous, even if it didn’t cost a fortune.

Post # 19
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I don’t think you should feel bad because you can spend more. In my opinion I think this is an issue that you should just ignore and pretend is not there. I don’t know of any way to have this conversation with your friend without her feeling hurt. This is how life is, and will always be, somebody will always be richer, prettier, smarter, etc. You shouldn’t have to apologize because your parents can afford a more expensive wedding. Just be supportive of her and her choices. 

Post # 20
757 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

It’s human nature, we’re constantly comparing ourselves to others.  Don’t worry and as long as you’re not rubbing it in her face, which I doubt you are, you don’t need to feel guilty that your weddings will be different and cost different amounts.  Best wishes 🙂

Post # 21
793 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Has she or anyone else actually said you were a snob? Or do you just feel like they think that? I’m not sure I understand 100%.

Post # 22
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Don’t feel bad.  Just focus on doing what makes you and your fiance happy.  It’s your day afterall!

Post # 23
20 posts

Unfortunately its kind of just the way things go. When you have nice things or are more financially set than others it creates jealousy and resentment. Personally I have faced this my whole life. My parents are well off and supported me in college and I got nasty comments from other people all the time. I dont go around talking about money, but people automatically assume youre spoiled. The same goes for my wedding I almost try not to discuss details because I have gotten a few not so nice responses. It bothers me that its ok to be mean to someone who has more money, but I would never pick on someone for having less than me. Its kind of something u have to ignore and learn to deal with.

Post # 24
2385 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

That’s really unfortunate. 🙁 I think if you’re not spending yourself into the poorhouse (or your parents!) it’s really unfair that people are giving you grief, but people get jealous sometimes. Keep being graceful and gracious and not flaunting that you have something they don’t, and I’m sure it will all be fine. 🙂

Post # 25
1211 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

If your parents have the money to spend on you, you shouldn’t feel guilty. I can’t tell if your friends are actually saying stuff to you, or if you just feel bad on your own. Don’t worry about it either way.

Post # 26
6980 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Based solely on your post, it doesn’t sound like she is actually making you feel bad… you’re doing that to yourself? I would bet that at least part of this is in your head. If people really ARE saying snobish things to you… I think you need to just have a little compassion and understanding. It can be very hard to work your butt off to pay for a wedding, buy a house, buy a car, etc while watching your friends do absolutely nothing and have things handed to them. It doesn’t seem fair (and really– it isn’t). The thing is though, life isn’t fair. I might not have parents who can write a check for my dream wedding but I do have parents who helped me some with school and thats more than a lot of peoples’ did. etc. Its all a matter of perspective. Someone will always have more than you and someone will always have less. I think we all just need to realize that and keep our own jealousy in check; and cut other ppl a little slack for theirs. 

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