(Closed) I cannot believe the immaturity of this woman!!!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

Out of all the crazy mom stories on here lately, I think this one takes the cake. I would seriously buy her a VCR for her birthday and highlight the record instructions!

Post # 5
Member
2759 posts
Sugar bee

Hmm… is it possible your mom is suffering from depression? Granted, I don’t know her and only know what you’ve told us but at the height of his depression my Fiance would literally sit in the house all day playing WoW — he barely got up to make himself food and never, ever spent time with me and any of his friends. Maybe she’s using soap operas to hide away from the world/reality?

It does suck that she won’t spend time with you outside of the house. Have you tried going over with your daughter and maybe trying to plan a day together in the house with fun things? You could bring some board games or if it’s a nice day do some outdoor activites. That way, you’d be near the house so she’d feel comfortable but still get her doing something. Or just have a heart-to-heart with her about how her refusal to spend time with you/come along for certain events is really hurting you. She might not realize just how much her behavior is affecting others.

Again, I may be reading it wrong but that just doesn’t sound like typical behavior of a happy person to me.

Post # 6
Member
4520 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@MissCalifornia:  That’s what I was wondering. Sitting around all day watching soaps doesn’t sound like something a happy, healthy woman would do. But I could be wrong.

 

Post # 7
Member
3261 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with the PP.  My mother struggles with severe depression and 90% of the time she lays on the couch and watches tv. She hates going out, and she’s not excited about my wedding. If she does get invited somewhere she makes up an excuse “im tired, my head hurts, its cold” It’s frustrating but sometimes that’s just the way the cookie crumbles. I would talk to your mom about it. She should see a doctor.

Post # 10
Member
2759 posts
Sugar bee

@prettygtink:  I don’t want to offend you but… I’ve been depressed and lived with people who had depression. I spent half of high school inwardly wanting to die, but outwardly I appeared “happy” so people didn’t know how I really felt. I don’t think most people who knew me would ever think I was as soul-crushingly unhappy as I truly was because I didn’t let them see. So saying she isn’t depressed because she puts on a fake show or that she can’t use it as an excuse because she’s been in therapy for a while really just comes off as cold and unsympathetic. Depression isn’t something that just “goes away”. I still have days where getting out of bed is a struggle, even though I consider myself recovered. Your experience isn’t going to be the same as someone else’s. Longterm depression is different from seasonal/episodal, and it behaves differently.

That said, I definitely understand the feelings of anger and resentment toward her for her actions, especially during your childhood years. I’ve dealt with similar stuff from my own mother (who also suffers from depression and actually refuses any sort of treatment). It might help if you got into some family counseling with her – that may be the only way to salvage the relationship and repair the damage.

For the time being, I guess it’s a matter of deciding if you want to let her issues take over your wedding plans. It sucks if she won’t come dress shopping with you, but you can’t force her to do it. So maybe grab a different female family member/your best girlfriends and go shopping with them – you can send her pictures, and maybe it’ll make her realize she wants to be there (if so, you can schedule a second appointment for you & mom).

Post # 11
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

@prettygtink:  I am soorry that you have dealt with this for so long. It sounds like you have done well despite this influence on your life an it sounds like your Grandma is a great source of support for you though.

Sometimes there is no diagnosis, people can just be crappy.

Post # 13
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I hear you on that.  My mom refuses to admit she has depression.  She will admit to having anxiety, but won’t do anything about it except pop a few pills.  She’s been doing the same thing since I was about 10 years old.  She holes up in her room watching television and refuses to go to many family events (especially if my brother isn’t invited…whole other story).

It was really hard to realize this as an adult, but she’s the one who is missing out the most. She has three beautiful grandchildren and she’s missing their lives.  When she can no longer care for herself, she’s going to turn to her daughters and ask us to take her in, and we’re both going to say “Where were you when we needed you?”  Any help that she’ll get will be reluctant and she’ll realize she doesn’t have a friend in her children anymore, and that will be very sad for her but the result of her own actions.

Your mom refused to go to your birthday.  But your dad was there, and perhaps Dirty Delete was as well?  Your birthday was celebrated, and even though someone was missing, I’m sure you had a good time.  She did not.  She missed something that she can never get back, just as she missed your daughter’s 4th birthday.  And it’s her own choice.  She is paying for it and doesn’t realize it now, but someday she might.  That’s when you’re going to have to make your choice and it will be a hard one to make.

Post # 14
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee

@MissCalifornia:  I totally agree w/everything you’ve said & I hope the OP takes your advice to heart. While I’m sure the woman is a major pain in the ass to deal with, it does sound like she is depressed.

Perhaps your mom should see a different therapist, OP? You say that she made the comment “you want me there?” While that could be seen as manipulation/childishness, it also sounds like she’s aware of the negative feelings you have toward her.

I’m sorry she hasn’t been a great mom (though I have to say, she sounds far from the worst), but it sounds like you need to sit down w/her & have a heart to heart. Don’t start off snarky & bitter. Just ask her why she hasn’t been there for you during the planning process. Tell her you want a positive/healthy relationship w/her & that you want to know what’s going on in her head. Maybe she’ll have some answers for you.

Good luck.

Post # 16
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

While she probably is depressed, that’s no way to treat your children. I’ve been battling depression for a long time, but I would never act like that towards the family who know what I am going through. How sad that you have to deal with this 🙁

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