I cannot decide whether to invite her to the wedding

posted 12 months ago in Guests
Post # 2
9058 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

pierce2019 :  I am a firm believer in only inviting the people you want, if you are not close and not that bothered then don’t invite her. If she asks just say you are having a very intimate wedding.

Post # 3
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I had to make a similar decision when I married my ex husband. I know the girl I didn’t invite was hurt, but we had drifted, and some of her general behavior was questionable; I just didn’t want her at my wedding. She made this big deal about wanting to be close again after all of that, and I’ve heard from her maybe a handful of times since then. I’ve seen her just twice. That was 7 years ago.

Honestly, some people just want the wedding invite and to feel significant. 

Post # 4
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2020

Would she have to travel far for the wedding, would she know people well or would you be giving her a plus one? If it’s easy logistically to invite her then I might. I mean you were good friends once and it DOES seem like she is on the right track now. My best friend since I was little got into a bunch of things I wanted nothing to do with for awhile and we drifted apart. She eventually got it together, got married, made the apologies she needed to. And I’m glad for it. 

Of course you shouldn’t feel guilty not inviting her. But if she really seems to be making an effort and doing better, and it doesn’t put a burden on you, I might invite her. Have you hung out with her recently? Maybe grab lunch and feel things out and see how you feel then. 

Post # 5
1851 posts
Buzzing bee

pierce2019 :  If you are at peace with never being good friends with her again no matter how much she might get her life together in the future than don’t invite her, let that chapter close. But if you think in the future YOU might want to be friends with her again and be close at all than invite her. But decide based on what you want, not what she wants. Does a friendship with her benefit you at all? Be a bit selfish here. 

Post # 6
477 posts
Helper bee

If you knew she had cleaned up her life, would you want a relationship with her?

It doesn’t seem like she did anything particularly bad to you, she made poor decisions in her life, and you drifted apart. She seems to have gotten herself back on track…good for her!

Sometimes people don’t realize how much time has gone by between them until someone has a big event, like an engagement or a baby etc. I wouldn’t be offended by her reaching out and, if I had the room, I would give her another chance. But that’s just me.

Post # 7
403 posts
Helper bee

I wouldn’t invite her. And if you do, you will wish you never did. Not because she did something wrong at the wedding, but because this is essentially reinviting her back into your life. 

In the past I consistently kept reinviting people back into my life and regretted it every single time. There is a reason things ended even if it was a mutual ending. Just like exes.

Post # 9
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2020

Wow… yeah, I think if she visited me and brought a boyfriend and a few extra uninvited friends AND brought drugs to my house AND expected me to pay for everything that friendship would be over for me. 

Post # 10
1789 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

The problem here is trust.  You can’t trust that she won’t do something that could endanger your wedding.  If there was a little trust there then inviting her wouldn’t be a problem.  Honestly, I’d not invite her and let this friendship go bee.  If she is truly on the straight and sober path she will understand that she burned some bridges and bow out gracefully. 

Post # 11
1894 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Don’t invite her. 

Post # 13
2132 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

pierce2019 :  If you have the budget for that one extra person (possibly 2, if you give her a plus 1), I would just invite her. What would it hurt? You might find your old friend is back and she is better and it might rekindle your friendship. 

ETA: originally you said, “I don’t think she would do anything destructive at the wedding, that part would be fine.”

My reply was based off that. You’re now saying she’d randomly bring 3 extra people and illegal substances. If she would do that, don’t invite her. If she wouldn’t do anything destructive, I don’t see the issue. 

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