(Closed) I cannot shake this feeling

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Interesting, there’s another thread right now about wedding jealousy – how hard it can be when there’s another, more glamorous wedding in our ciricle of friends/family right before ours. 

If you let others’ opinions govern your choices and your confidence in your choices, you’ll have that sick feeling a lot. I know of no cure for it, but to take a deep breath and just plan your own wedding, without thinking of anyone else’s. 

If your brother’s girlfriend says anything to hurt your feelings, tell her she’s being hurtful and to get out of your mojo. 

But mostly, this is about our own willpower, to banish ugly thoughts and just enjoy getting married.

I think your wedding sounds sweet. I bet it’ll look a lot better than it seems right now, while you’re struggling with budget and having to make hard choices. Trust that it’ll be a great day!

Post # 4
Member
416 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I truly understand my FI’s uncle (they are about 5 years apart) is getting married 2 weeks before us and it was very very stressful in the beggining. We will be having a small intimate wedding with about 75 ppl and they will be having approx 250ppl, and she constantly try to compare our wedding to theirs from the amount I paid for my dress to the cost of our cake. But the best way that I deal with her snarky comments, is to continuously let her know that to me the most important part of that day is that I will be becoming “Mrs. Nixon” and that’s all that really matters.

Your wedding sounds wonderful and dont let anyone steal your joy. You have found the person of your dreams and let her know thats what really matters most.

Post # 6
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@peachbaby4008:  You need to have a talk with your brother about her behavior. Also you need to talk with her about her comments. Tell them they are not appreciated and unwanted and if she wants to have a positive relationship with you the comments need to stop.

Post # 7
Member
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think as long as you focus on making sure your wedding is beautiful and FUN, it will end up being better after all 🙂 I’ve got another couple getting married a month after us, and they both come from a LOT of money so I’m quite certain everything about theirs will be more elaborate (and there will be at least 15-20 guests in common who will be comparing them). But I also know that despite their wealth, they’re snooty and their wedding probably won’t be nearly as fun as mine. Example — I plan to go around with my digital camera after I finish eating and take a funny picture with EVERY guest/couple, and include them with the thank-you cards. Will the other couple do that? hell no. They’ll be too busy worrying that everything turns out “perfect”. 

It’s the little things that people will remember — whether it be handmade cute funny programs, or how you took the time to make every person at your smaller, more intimate wedding feel welcome and special. Their wedding won’t even be able to come close to that! They say the best revenge is living well, and in this case, the best revenge is to have a killer wedding that puts theirs to shame even on a shoestring budget 🙂

And if she talks sh*t, I always think the best solution is to thank them for their input with a big gracious smile. Really demonstrates what a giant douche they’re being.

Post # 8
Member
1623 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I agree with PPs on the two emerging suggestions.  One being that YOU have to come to terms and be happy that you’re doing what’s best for you…planning the wedding that works for you.  If you let other’s opinions affect that, then it will mutter the months leading up to the wedding and make you doubt how beautiful your day will be.  But if you embrace that you will have a special, beautiful, unique wedding that fits you both, then it will be just that. 🙂 Good luck!

I also think you should talk to your bro’s Fiance and tell her how hurtful she is being.  Or maybe even put it as she’s being “frustrating” and/or “annoying” (to really get the point across).  Unfortunately, she may not totally change, but (even if she pretends it doesn’t bother her) at least she will know she’s on your nerves and hopefully back off.

Best wishes!!

Post # 9
Member
5073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

It’s not a competition.  Your wedding is going to be wonderful because it’s YOUR wedding.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” – Eleanor Roosevelt

Post # 10
Member
3451 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@ProfessorGirl:  I agree.

Don’t focus on what your brother’s girlfriend thinks or says.  You need to focus on you and your Fiance.  It’ll be your day.  You should feel nothing but happiness and love. 

Post # 11
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Just ignore her and privately feel sorry for your brother.

Post # 12
Member
3692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

She sounds like a real peach.  If 50% of marriages end in divorce, I’d say that of the two, yours is more likely to succeed than hers.  I wonder what your brother sees in her.  

Post # 13
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@ProfessorGirl:  You nailed it!

@peachbaby4008:  Don’t focus on what she’s going to think of your wedding. Focus on making your wedding yours. The most important thing that’s coming out of this is that you’re marrying your Fiance and get to spend the rest of your life with him. If she makes any rude comments to your face about the wedding, just smile and say that your wedding is perfect for the two of you, and you don’t care what she thinks about it.

Post # 14
Member
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@peachbaby4008: We’re having a casual backyard reception too, I think it’ll be great! I have a little bit of a hard time because my cousin is gettin gmarried just a few months after us. We’re having a lot of fun planning together so that’s not a problem, but it’s still hard not to compare. She’s so much more glamerous than I am, and their wedding will be much more put together. BUt, I just try to think about how we’re different and our weddings will be different, but neither will be better or worse than the other. Everyone just has different priorities. 

Post # 15
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I know the feeling. But you *have* to invite her.

Just ensure you are the most relaxed and happy that you’re getting married. There’s not anything else to make you feel better, because if hers is more expensive and lavish than it is what it is…

Post # 16
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Who cares what she thinks! In the end, you are getting married (just like she is) and you aren’t spending a fortune (or someone else’s) to do it. All weddings are beautiful if they contain the love of the bride and groom. Screw everyone’s expectations.

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