- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2017
I am currently waiting on an official proposal which should come before the end of march according to my SO. We have planned to start figuring out a new living situation after we are officially engaged. His current living situation is that he lives with his best friend, the best friends girlfriend, another mutual friend of theirs and his sister. His sister has been there for about 6 months now. I really need help bee’s, I need some advice as to how to proceed with this current situation that has developed. Sorry for it being so long 🙁 so here it is….
this sister that has been living with him has not been working and only came to live there because she had no where else to go. She has not done a thing as far as finding a job or making any moves to figure out what she will do as far as making progress with her life. She is his older sister by 2 years, she’s 30 years old. She has never been the best with her money and has had really odd relationship situations and is just a really unstable person in general. There is also a bit of history between her and my SO that basically made me hate her from day one. I cannot post that part on here because its a bit too serious to let out. But just know that its something that im sure most of you would never be able to forgive someone for. There is also some bad blood between her and I personally because from day one she never liked me, mostly because I took away her brother and made it a lot harder for her to continue to take advantage of him the way she always would. If you are wondering why this has not come up prior to now, its because since we were not living together and were rebuilding our relationship and taking things slow, I figured that as long as he was upholding his responsibilities to me and our relationship both financially and emotionally (we have a son) then what he chose to do outside of that as his business. I may not agree with him helping her the way he has but its his sister and his money and thats his choice to make. so thus far, i have stayed out of it.
Two weeks ago she found out that we were planning on getting engaged by the end of march. She was of course not happy about it and made that very clear to my SO. of course he basically told her too bad that she could either deal with it or not but she had no say in it and he was happy. At this same time my SO’s best friend talked to him and basically said that the other roomates and him had all decided that something needed to be said because they had just had enough of his sister taking advantage of the help that he was offering and that they all just could not handle it financially since it was really taking a toll on the household resources. meaning, food, electricity etc. she has not contributed a thing since being there and has asked every one of them at times for things like cigarettes and money for shampoo and even has asked to borrow money to go meet a friend out for food or drinks. so she really has just been nothing but a burden on all of them. So with the combination of his roomate’s hitting their limit, our engagement happening this month, and the fact that she just has nothing even in the works as fara s a job or new living situation or whatever, my SO decided to talk to her about moving out and figuring out her next move, but no matter what her time there was up.
She decided to move with one of their other brothers in the college town he cureently lives in. She figured it being a college town there would be plenty of restaurant and bar type jobs she could get to get on her feet. that brother said no, he has dealt with her as well and told her he just couldnt handle it. So in the end she decided to move with their sister down to texas. there are a lot of opportunities for her there and the sister agreed to letting her stay there for a while and get on her feet. that was two weeks ago that they decided this. My SO told me about it and then didnt mention anything else about it.
The other day it popped into my head to ask what was going on with her and he said “oh well we are just finalizing the plans to actually get her moved”. now considering she is a 30 year old and has very limited possessions, one would think this would be a fairly simple process. I knew he would be involved in some way with her moving but I had no idea how much she would ask of him in regard to this move. Turns out she has 3 storage units of stuff, one here where we live and two in virginia where their dad lives. She not only wants him to drive her down to texas with the main part of her stuff but also expects him to make two additional trips over the next 6 months to bring the other stuff down there. she says she doesnt trust a moving company to bring her things and only wants him to do it. Bee’s I about lost it when i heard this. When my SO takes off of work he loses money, especially on weekends because that is all over time. this would require about a week’s time off each time he had to make the trip. We live in chicago so a trip to texas and back is no easy thing. Also, he would be the one paying for gas for these trips. She has offered nothing as far as help with the cost of getting her there and thinks nothing of insisting that he make those three trips. When i asked why he had to drive her down and why she couldnt just drive herself, he said that the company they are renting a VAN from requires that it be brought back. so i suggested renting something a bit bigger than a van, but that she could still handle driving and renting from a company that has locations down in texas too (like uhaul or something) so that a trip back was not necessary, therefore saving money and hassle all around. She is insisting the trip there is too much for her on her own and will not budge on wanting him to do it the way that she has already worked out in her head. I even offered to help pay for a bigger more covenient moving vehicle so that he would not have to do all this and she wont have it. I just broke down to him and told him that I cannot handle the fact that he is not sticking up for himself. He knows this is beyond ridiculous but knows that all he wants is to be rid of her out of the house and that this is his way out. He promisd that this wont get in the way of him getting me my engagement ring or our timeline and that he would do his best to keep up on everything so that we didnt suffer because of this. I have cried and pleaded and begged him to just put his foot down with her and make a better plan. one that isnt just convenient for her but that is something that will be better for all involved. we have been fighting nonstop about this. I feel like he is being taken advantage of and that she is sort of doing it on purpose. its like even though she knows that there are better ways to do this, because she is mad that we are getting married and that she was forced out of the house that she is gonna make this as hard as possible on him. like its revenge or something. for some reason he is just weak when it comes to her and its getting to the point where i feel like he would rather leave me upset over how all of this is happening just to keep things ok with her. It may sound dramatic but I almost feel like her feelings on this are way more important than mine and how much its bothering me to watch. It will affect us financially and we will have to put some things off so he can recover from taking the time off that he will need to do this. so it does affect me directly in some ways. Plus it makes him stressed out and he just isnt himself.
I just do not know what to do. No matter what I say or do, nothing is changing his mind and im really starting to freak out about it. mostly because im afraid this is a deal breaker for me. I don’t think I can handle having to deal with feeling like im second to this mess of a girl forever. Im afraid that down the road she will ask other things of him and it will be the same thing. He has said that he’s never going to stop helping her if she needs it because thats not the person he is. he knows she doesnt deserve it and that she has done a lot of bad things to him but to him its like two wrongs dont make a right. I just have no idea what to do or how to proceed. Im tired and drained from talking about this and making absolutely no progress. Like I said earlier, we are supposed to talk more about it tonight and hopefully ill be able to make some progress with him. I dont know exactly what im asking, I think this is mostly a vent? but if you have any positive words or advice im open to it. Thanks for reading 🙁