(Closed) I can't believe I am typing this out.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
28 posts
Newbee

I understand your fear of calling off the wedding so let’s say you postpone it for awhile until you can sort things out. Then, with a clear head, take a look at your man and decide if you can live with him day in and day out.

Post # 18
Member
678 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Please please don’t spend the rest of your life being treated this way. It is not your fault, you did not make him that way. The choice is yours, you have the power. If you decide that it’s worth another shot, I agree with the PPs who have suggested professional help. My Fiance and I have for sure been through our ups and downs over the last 7 years, dealing with all kinds of stress- but never did we lose our basic respect, kindness, and decency towards each other. You deserve the same. Good luck.

Post # 19
Member
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@danisalci13:  any swearing that happens in a fit of anger STILL shouldn’t be directed at you. Saying ” I’m so f;@&[email protected]@ angry” is different then ” [email protected] you!”. Calling names is a slippery slope and then you will just not respect each other at all. I wouldn’t dare call my fiancé a name. I may say ” I think you are being selfish right now” but never ” you are an a-hole”. Tell him you don’t like it and think he is disrespecting you. 

Post # 20
Member
2542 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Sorry you’re going through this. I don’t think it’s normal. My Fiance does a lot of cussing and screaming because he has anger issues but he would never call me names or make jokes about me (my past or appearance)…I think there is seriously something wrong with him and you really need to reconsider marrying him. Hugs.

Post # 21
Member
2584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Um, no. That is 100% totally, completely, and utterly unacceptable. I know you don’t want to call off the wedding, but I seriously think you should put it on hold for a bit to reevaluate. To me, it seems much more drastic to enter a MARRIAGE with someone who is mean to you just to avoid a few weeks/months of embarrassment for calling off a WEDDING. A wedding is one day and people will get over it. Your marriage is a commitment and, to me, you shouldn’t marry someone who doesn’t make you feel good about yourself.

Like I said, please take time to reevaluate and discuss these issues with your fiance. Good luck.

Post # 22
Member
3680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

So you want to marry someone who is emotionally/verbally abusive? Divorce is a lot messier than cancelling a wedding. This guy is a tool.

Post # 23
Member
9126 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

@danisalci13:  The worst part about this is I’m starting to believe the things that he is telling me. 

Sweetie, you should really get away from this abusive piece of shit before he utterly ruins your sense of self.  It won’t get better  🙁

To answer your question, no, my husband would NEVER speak to me that way, with cruel personal attacks.

When we (rarely) fight, I occasionally lash out and say “f*ck you” to him – which I’m trying to stop, because it’s really disrespectful to the person you love.  And he’s told me to stop being bitchy, but is also trying to never do this.  Not to justify it, but those are just expressions of anger that we don’t really mean to direct AT each other. Whereas what your Fiance is saying is a direct attack meant expressly to tear you down.  That is a terrible way to treat the person you supposedly love.

Post # 25
Hostess
9084 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

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@danisalci13:  Is there anyone you can speak to in order to help you cope with this and feel less overwhelmed? 

Post # 29
Member
723 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@danisalci13: Please, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD cancel the wedding and break up with this horrible excuse for a man. You did not turn your fiance into this. No human being has that much control over another human being. You do not deserve an ounce of the abuse he is heaping on you. Please leave. You will be happier alone than with this asshole.

Post # 30
Member
13393 posts
Honey Beekeeper

You didn’t make him this way.  Once the relationship was no longer new, he started to show you the real him.  It is possible that you tend to miss subtle warning signs when you are dating, but that is not necessarily the case, either.  Some men are just very good at hiding this side of themselves as long as life is relatively easy and uncomplicated.  

Regardless, if he is acting this way now, during what should be a happy and exciting time in your life, you have no idea how much worse it will get. Listen to the younger you who promised yourself  this would never happen again and please reconsider your plan to go through with this wedding. I have to think if you are writing these words, you know how bad this is and that you are just looking for courage and a way out. A postponement or cancellation is NOT the end of the world you think it is. 

Tell someone and take that first step.  You can do it.

Post # 31
Member
723 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

View original reply
@danisalci13: Wait a minute. Shut the front door.

The loss of YOUR brother gives your FIANCE the right to verbally abuse you? On what planet? Your fiance is obligated to be a supportive, loving partner to you in the wake of your extreme loss. He is not entitled to berate you. Please cancel this wedding.

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