(Closed) I can’t believe I;m going to say this but I need to know if this is normal…

posted 7 years ago in 30 Something
Post # 3
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Just because you’re sexually attracted to some other guy doesn’t mean you shouldn’t marry your fiance…UNLESS you don’t think you want to marry him.

Consider both issues separately – do you want to marry your fiance? Or is this attraction a manifestation of the fact that your not really ready? Just because your fiance is a good guy and good on paper that doesn’t mean you’ll want to marry him. If you can’t honestly answer “Yes” then maybe you need to reconsider the engagement.

However if you do want to marry your fiance – you need to avoid this guy. He’s not going to care that you’re engaged – so don’t put yourself in a bad position. If you continue to put yourself around this guy alone, that should tell you that you’re not worried about the possible consequences to your relationship with your fiance. It’s not a bad thing, but your fiance deserves the truth – no testing the waters and keeping him on the hook.

Post # 4
Member
1835 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Awh, sweetie. This is NORMAL. Humans are animals. When we see a good “mate” or a good candidate for reproduction, our insticts tell us to reproduce! Don’t be ashamed of it. There’s a guy at work who I feel the same way about, and I’ve just learned that it’s best to only talk to him if it’s work related (he’s one of those co-workers who likes to lurk in your office and keep conversation up all day). Don’t worry about it!

Post # 7
Hostess
16213 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I am a little concerned that you could see yourself cheating on your husband, drinks or not. And I don’t mean that in a judgmental way, I promise. Are you secure in saying that those thoughts came from the alcohol and the attraction only?

I completely believe you that you love your Fiance and that you truly want to marry him. I guess I just want to make sure that you understand where these troubling feelings are coming from so that they don’t come back to haunt you later.

Post # 8
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m sorta going through the same thing as you.  There’s this guy in the past whom I had good connections with keeps popping up in my mind when I have a happily good thing with my fiance.  This guy I can never see marrying because he’s all about himself.  My fiance is everything to me and in the long run all that matters is the good friendship me and my fiance have will last forever.  Just wish I knew how to erase  this “other man” from my mind! 

Post # 9
Member
1747 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I feel like as humans, we can definitely run into this kind of sexual tension and not know what it means. To me, it means you are alive! 

As long as you don’t act on it, I see it as an opportunity to inspire you to ravage your fiance, or even do some (maybe tmi for some) role play. Maybe what you excites you about this guy is his mystery and magnetism.  It’s nothing you can’t recreate with your fiance, I promise.

You don’t want to rely on this tactic all the time, of course, but it adds a level of excitement to the relationship and also leaves you satisfied because it will change up the normal sexual chemistry you and your fiance have.

 

Post # 10
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@nickels: Haha sure! I’m 28 (29 in June).

I just know that before I met my husband – when I met I guy I was attracted to I would often put myself in positions where I could “see where things went” even if I was dating someone. Looking back it was a symptom that something was wrong in my relationship because I was looking for attention elsewhere.

I was just saying it’s one thing to be attracted to someone – because THAT’S totally normal. There are plenty of men I find attractive and even interesting, but it’s another to knowingly put yourself out there looking for something else. Seems like what you’re just describing is just attraction – but not a willingness to destroy your relationship (which would be a red-flag).

Post # 11
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Like everyone else has said, we’re humans. We are sexually attracted to certain people. My husband will always keep my attention, and I would never do anything to screw that up, but that doesn’t mean I don’t think certain guys are sexually attractive. And it also doesn’t mean that he doesn’t think other women are sexually attractive. If he didn’t think that, I’d be a little worried about him!

It’s the fact that neither of us want to act on those attractions that matters. The minute you WANT to act on those attractions, you have to know that you’re willing to throw away what you have with your Fiance. For your sake, if you don’t trust yourself enough to keep your hands off this guy (and he obviously doesn’t care that you’re engaged), then you need to keep your distance from him.

Post # 12
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Of course it’s normal to be sexually attracted to other people; what matters is how you choose to handle it.  If you’re committed to your Fiance you handle it by keeping your distance and not putting yourself in a situation where something could happen (i.e. out drinking together at a party).

Just like if you’re on a diet, you don’t fill the freezer with pints of Ben & Jerry’s.  Sure, you can avoid the temptation is it’s important enough to you, but why put yourself in that position?  Why make it harder on yourself?

Bottom line, you’re playing with fire, here, so stay away from this guy if you want to get (and stay) married.

Post # 13
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Its normal. Just avoid sticky situations and remind yourself of how amazing your fi is. Keep it in your pants! 😉

Post # 14
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think it’s totally normal to be attracted to other people. What would not be normal or healthy is acting on that attraction when you are in a comitted relationship. Just because you are getting married doesn’t mean you can’t look at or fantasize about other people, anyone who tells you that does not have a healthy sexual awareness and understanding of themselves. When you get married you are committing yourself to another person and depending on the boundaries in your relationship this usually means you are comitting yourself to be monogamous. Because of that reason, and because of the love and respect you have for your SO this means that cheating is not okay. Being attracted to someone does not equate to being in love with someone. As long as you aren’t having deeper feelings than that of a sexual attraction for this guy then I think you are okay.

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