(Closed) I can't believe she would do that! (long)

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I would never turn a job down over a boyfriend.
Sorry, bro… gotta make the dough.

And By The Way, if someone can’t really be happy for you… then it might be best to slowly phase them out of your life a bit. Even if it’s family.
Because who really needs to put up with that?

Post # 4
1088 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Oh, geez. Well, I hope she snaps out of it! 

It is harder than people realize to be single or unhappy and have a sibling or other close family “skip ahead in line”.  I myself acted like a slight jerk at my sisters wedding because I was single and unhappy and she was happy. I wish I had snapped out of it sooner. My advice? Have Fiance have a heart to heart with her. I needed my sister to say “grow up!”  

Post # 5
133 posts
Blushing bee

I think it’s her life and you need not concern yourself.  Don’t rely on her.  And if she’s unwelcoming to you, remember that she’s crazy and fickle, so don’t take it to heart.  Don’t be offended about her racing you down the aisle.  Other people’s timelines do not make your lives any less special.

Post # 6
7649 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@carebear23:  Yeah, she sounds like a nut case, but at any rate if she does get married before you are you really going to take it so hard? Just re-read your post and ask yourself if you will truly be upset that a 30 something year old married her boyfriend after knowing him 2 weeks.

No. Just not even worth even a little twinge of anger. Let her live her clearly messed up perception of relationships and life in general, and you just keep plugging along and worry about yourself.

Post # 7
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I had hard time understanding second paragraph..got confused with all the characters (FMIL, SI, Fiance family, Mothers…etc)..it is too loud here to concentrate..LOL

Post # 8
2037 posts
Buzzing bee

@carebear23:  First of all, WELCOME TO THE HIVE!!  

I’m going to say something no one else has said.  But first:  Yes, I do agree that your Future Sister-In-Law is possibly in toooooo much of a rush.  It’s really sad to hear that she made progress (positive attitude, job promotions), then maybe negated it.

I’m a waiting bee on this site, nearlywed.  I’m 30 and my bro is 25 and got engaged before me.  Oh boy, it really put me in a tizzy. I got over it, but I totally understand that the pain of really wanting to be married (almost to desperation) and seeing it happen to your younger siblings before you.

1)  I don’t think that just because she is 31 that she cannot date a 25 year old.  Is it ideal or something I would do, no!  But, I’m 30 and SO is 27. Meh.

2)  You say they’ve been dating for 2 weeks and are looking at rings.  But you also say they had a summer fling (it’s October).  Lots of bees on this site will tell you that they got engaged in under a year, it happens. 

I can see you being a little upset that she is trying to marry before you, however, your wedding date isn’t until Jan of 2015…that’s far away!  You should brace yourself that others will be getting married before you if you plan a longer engagement.


Try to not take it personal….some bees are saying to stay out of her life and to a certain extent you can but she’s going to be family so easier said than done.  I don’t totally love my Future Sister-In-Law, but, we will def have to play nice in the sandbox.

Good Luck!  

Post # 9
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

What does her bf’s age (only being a year older than you) have to do with anything?

Post # 10
46611 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@carebear23:  I would never waste this much energy worrying about what a grown woman does, even my Future Sister-In-Law. She’s going to do what she’s going to do.

Post # 11
719 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014 - South Bonson Pier & Community Centre

yikes. good luck with that. but, at her age, you can’t really waste time worrying about what she’s doing. trainwrecks are going to be trainwrecks whether you worry about them or not.

Post # 14
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

She can only pull you into her train wreck if you let her. Honestly though I still don’t see what her bf’s age has to do with anything. I know some very mature 25 year olds and some very immature 45 year olds…chronological age has nothing to do with it.


They have been dating since July…she obviously liked him more than what she originally thought when she considered him a ‘summer fling’.


My brother (at 37) met his now wife (she is 12 years younger) and they married 6 weeks later. They actually were going to in 2 weeks but delayed a few weeks so my parents could attend the wedding. They have now been married for 15+ years, have 2 children and a great life. Oh and as for being a professional…he owns his own engineering firm.


I know it’s not the norm but it does happen.


Let her live her life and you live yours. She can only bother you if you let it.


Post # 15
6355 posts
Bee Keeper

If you think about the idea that his young age reflects his maturity level re: marriage, and the fact that he is older than you, that doesn’t make a lot of sense, no?

In any case, your Future Sister-In-Law sounds like she’s having a terrible time. Her parents have really damaged her sense of self-worth to make her want to get married so badly. I suggest you feel sympathy for her, because this must be very hard for her. Sure, she is being mildly irritating. But imagine you were in her situation: freaking the absolute F out because your younger sibling is getting married, feeling like there’s something so much the matter with you for not being married yet that you’re willing to sacrifice significant career benefits and take the risk of marrying someone you’ve only known for a matter of WEEKS, because the alternative feels EVEN WORSE.

Pretty horrible place to be, right? So the fact that she’s being mildly irritating isn’t the major thing going on here. It’s that she’s having a full-blown PANIC. No, you’re not responsible for helping her out of that panic… it’s up to you how much effort you feel you want to put into helping your future sister. (Some people are not worth it, family or not). But at least realize, this is not about you at at all! Don’t take it personally. This is panic, and it is very much about her!

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