(Closed) I can't believe this is happening…it might be the end

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
  • poll:
  • Post # 17
    Member
    706 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I just realized that you’re the bee who posted about her fiance saving the number for an escort service in his phone. You need to dump this man. I’m sorry, but there are so many red flags in this relationship.

    Rally your friends and family around you and move on with your life.

    Post # 18
    Member
    8434 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    View original reply
    @mckernae:  +1

    Post # 19
    Member
    1332 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I feel as if you two could probably use the time apart to assess the relationship in its entirety.  You guys are both hurt for one reason, or another.  NO relationship is easy, as in, it takes a lot of work from both parties to make it work.  No one should be ‘the boss’ of any household.  It should be about compromise – his strengths/weaknesses should compliment yours, etc.

    Although it is probably a scary time for you, and although you are hurting, PLEASE use the time to think about if this is the lifetime you desire.  It sounds like you are in a stressful time in your life, and yes, stress can often lead to petty fights/attitude, etc, but this is certainly not the last, and only stressful time you two will hit together.  So if this is what you want, then please think about ways to work thru it together. 

    Good luck.

    Post # 20
    Member
    983 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    I just read some of your past posts and there is a pattern to your FI’s behaviour. If you don’t agree with him, he undermines you, he belittles you, or he punishes you. This man is not a partner and you deserve to be an relationship where your input is valued. He does not see you as his equal. Please let him go.

    Post # 21
    Member
    2393 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Based on his repeated comments about being the boss, and based on him saving an escort’s contact info on his phone — I would wave good-bye to him as he walks out the door and start packing my own bags.

    Then I would seek counseling for myself to re-frame my definition of what kind of man deserves my love.

    A man who behaves in the way you’ve described above does not deserve your love! Your real problem is not that he is leaving. Your real problem is that you are in love with — and worried about losing — someone who wants to keep a hooker’s phone number and wants you to know that he is the boss.

    I think you are so close to this situation that it is preventing you from thinking clearly. Take a few steps back, take some time away from him, get third and fourth and fifth opinions from counselors or friends/loved ones and you’ll see the situation a lot more clearly, I hope.

    Good luck to you!

    Post # 22
    Member
    3828 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Yaaa…why haven’t you dumped this guy’s ass yet?

    This is the man who refused to add you on facebook and has been caught looking at escort websites twice. Now he is talking you like he owns you.

    I think i missed the part where he was a “nice guy” you should marry. 

    Post # 23
    Member
    899 posts
    Busy bee

    LEAVE!! This man hires prostitutes, demeans you, is controlling and all you’re talking about is how you’re at fault. STOP THIS MADNESS. Before you get beat up, contract an STD, or just lose your mind entirely.

    You can find someone who loves you, trust me. Let this guy leave.

    Post # 24
    Member
    422 posts
    Helper bee

    I’m guessing he’s the same person who was searching for escort services on FB and later on, on his phone? The one who treated you horribly in front of your friend over bringing a random girl to your home? The one who gave you silent treatment? Honey, why are you even with him all this time? I don’t think the bees ever advice anybody to carelessly dump a man and give up on a relationship that could be salvaged. Everybody wants to see a happy bee, not a miserable bee. So when they are saying that this relationship may not be the best thing for you, would you consider their advice like you’d consider the advice of a loving friend or elder? You are not bound to accept their point of view, but just give it a thought? Sometimes moving on from a toxic relationship is the best gift you can give to yourself. Freedom is every person’s eternal birth right – and that includes freedom from an oppressive situation. Live a little. 

    Post # 25
    Member
    442 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    View original reply
    @Cory_loves_this_girl:  an there is a problem when one wants something they haven’t earned. He doesn’t treat her with respect so he shouldn’t expect it. 

    Post # 26
    Member
    771 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @unknow123:  I perused your old posts which go back as far as a year.  I’m sorry but your relationship is not healthy and will not endure a lifetime of marriage.  You are probably tense because you KNOW somewhere deep down that this is not right.

    Healthy, happy relationships do not harbor infidelity, control, jealousy, manipulation, disrespect.  Taken directly from my ceremony:

    The essence of marriage is the acceptance of each other in entirety, as lover, companion, and friend.  A good and balanced relationship is one in which neither person is overpowered nor absorbed by the other; one in which neither person is possessive of the other; one in which both give their love freely and without jealousy.  Marriage, ideally, is the sharing of responsibilities, hopes, and dreams.  It takes a special effort to grow together, survive hard times, and be loving and unselfish.

    Do you honestly believe you and your Fiance will ever be able to acheive that? 

     

    Post # 27
    Member
    7425 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    View original reply
    @TheFutureMrsNguyen:  After reading more about her situation (escorts etc), I think she should leave him, however there is a really great book called Love and Respect that basically lays out the difference in needs between men and women. I don’t really want to go into it all right here, but it talks about how respect feels like love to men and loving actions feel like love to women. It doesn’t condone respecting behavior that isn’t good, but it does condone finding something about your SO to respect without them having to “earn” it per say. Part of the book is for men and part is for women, and it tries to help each understand the others point of view.

    Post # 28
    Member
    442 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I’ve actually heard of that book and read some of it myself and its one of te most sexist pieces of writing I have ever come in contact with.

    Post # 29
    Member
    1384 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    My dear, it is time to say good-bye. Based on your two previous posts about escorts and him not adding you on his facebook and now this, he’s got to go. Who would fight with a 17 year old kid? He should know that 17 year olds are not matured adults and he shouldn’t be stooping to their level. You were in the right to tell him that he can’t touch him and that he has too much lose. He has issues for being upset that you were being level-headed. 

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