(Closed) I can’t believe this…I am so hurt.

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Hugs, I think the only thing you can do right now is to give him a chance to get his thoughts together. Did he actually say what specific questions he has? Even though you tell him you love him, he may just need reassurance that you don’t feel that he is holding you back.

Post # 4
Member
1075 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Okay, so something kinda similar happened to me a couple weeks ago.  I also am not a perfect girlfriend, however in the last few months I have made a 180 and totally have been improving on our relationship.  Well then just a couple weeks ago he tells me the same thing.  Say he thinks I can do better, he is holding me back from true happiness, thinks we should end this.  WTF??

So I did something I have never done before.  I fought for the relationship.  Told him I wasn’t going to give up on us.  Apparently, that was exactly what he needed to hear.  Some reassurance, since we def are getting closer to the getting proposed part.  Maybe just reassure him that you are here for him, that you’re here to battle any inner demons he may have together?

Post # 5
Member
485 posts
Helper bee

I agree with WendyS328, it sounds like you need to be the strong one in this situation and give him the reassurance he’s seeking. If he’s feeling down, he needs your support. I don’t think he’s really serious about ending it.

Post # 6
Member
435 posts
Helper bee

Is he feeling out of control about his drinking?  Sounds like it to me. 

Post # 8
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I also think it is possible that he is scared. Obviously, you had a really deep talk about your relationship and future last night. The drinking probably didn’t help, but I think more than anything it is saying that he needs you. If his drinking really is a problem, he needs help getting past it. And if he really does think you deserve better, what does that say about how he feels about himself? It sounds like you had a serious talk and it freaked him out, which I think is understandable for everyone. I am more curious about the fact that you would end it over this… if you want to marry him, wouldn’t you want to work past this?

Post # 9
Member
435 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think he really does.  I think he is just feeling bad about drinking too much. Probably makes him feel unworthy of you or something. 

Post # 11
Member
435 posts
Helper bee

I just reread the original post and it seems he might think he has a drinking problem.  He probably needs to address that.  It might be a good idea to wait on the wedding planning until he feels better about himself.

Post # 12
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Hugs! I don’t know all the details or know your Fiance at all, so it’s hard to say what I think is happening. But if he is embarrassed, that’s tough but he needs to get over it soon if he wants to keep you around. If I were you I would do your best to seem understanding of his problem (if there is one), but be firm about the fact that you can’t sit around and wait forever while he has ‘questions’ about the two of you. 

Post # 16
Member
435 posts
Helper bee

If he does have a drinking problem it will affect you if you stay together.  Maybe he just doesn’t feel he can control it and doesn’t want to drag you down.  Actually this is a very caring thing to do even though it hurts you. Good luck and I’m sure it will get better. 

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