Post # 1
I have decided to keep my maiden name as my middle, but can’t decide between
MyFirst MyMiddle MyLast HisLast or MyFirst MyLast HisLast.
I don’t want to hypenate, but I really want to be known as MyFirst MyLAst HisLast, definitely at work, and probably everywhere else. I am not particularly tied to my middle name, but if someone does the MyFirst (first initial of MyMaiden) HisLAst it sounds TERRIBLE. And people keep dropping the MyLast. How likely am I to be able to get people to call me what I want to be called? And also, I hate it when people call us HisFirst and MyFirst HisLast. Where did MyLast go?
Post # 3
Sounds like you are going to have to hyphenate or continue having tons of issues. Sorry I know it sucks
Post # 4
I hate to say this, but if you don’t hyphenate I don’t think people will get that you want YourLast included in your name. A lot of people have their maiden name as a middle name, so it’s not used everyday. I wonder if that’s what people are thinking you’re going for?
Post # 5
I agree that unless it’s hyphenated I don’t think people are going to recognize the fact that you want your last name to be used in addition to your husband’s last name. I think people are just going to treat it like people treat a middle name (in other words not use it really at all).
Post # 6
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
If your maiden name isn’t officially part of your last name, people won’t use it. You can constantly remind people in person and eventually they’ll get it right, but if you don’t want to hyphenate, be prepared for some botching. Frequently, and over the course of your entire life.
Post # 7
I think there’s a solution that doesn’t require a hyphen.
If your name before marriage is Kimberly Ann Miller, and you marry a fellow named Josh Peterson, then you can write your name like this:
Kimberly A. Miller Peterson.
That’s what I’d do. I don’t have a middle name, so when we get married, I’m going to use all three.
I think the key is being OK with people getting it wrong.
Post # 8
Hi there. I understand the dilemma! We each took the other’s name and added it to our last. So mine is: MyFirst MyMiddle MyLast HisLast (no hyphen) and his is: HisFirst HisMiddle HisLast MyLast (no hyphen). When we sign cards together or something, I we just sign it “MyFirst MyLast and HisFirst HisLast.” People will hyphenate if they choose to but that’s not how we wanted it so it’s not how we did it.
Post # 9
I didn’t want to hyphenate and didn’t want to lose my name, so I took it as a middle and refer to myself as all three names. The reason I did this was because I had heard somewhere (no clue where) that people tend to drop the last name when it’s hypenated. Now, I wish I’d considered hyphenating. People are dropping my middle. I think that hyphenating seems so outdated, but really I wish I’d considered it more. Why don’t you want to do that?
I think the key is to be okay with people calling you the wrong name. That’s seriously tough to do! But no matter what you do, someone will make a mistake — or worse, intentionally use the name THEY want you to use. Ugh. Good luck!
Post # 10
@mary-alice-me — “heard somewhere that people tend to drop the last name when it’s hypenated”
I’m not married yet, but I have two last names from birth (I’m from Puerto Rico) and no middle name, “Name FirstLast SecondLast”, and when I moved to the States I inserted a hyphen between them, to “Name FirstLast-SecondLast”, to make sure people wouldn’t call me “Name SecondLast” which is not my name. Even WITH a clear hyphen between my last names, there are still many people who drop my FIRST last name, calling me “Name SecondLast”, which is wrong. If they were to drop the second last name and call me “Name FirstLast” it would be ok and it would still be my name, but the way I’ve encountered is that people drop whatever’s in the middle and simply use the last word they see in the name. So, I wish I knew where you read that people tend to drop the last one, so I could print it out and show it to people who call me by the wrong name! Maybe they’d finally get a hint! 😛
@guitargirl — I think eurekaanchovies’s suggestion might be the best option to make sure people use both last names when addressing you if you really really really don’t want to hyphenate, because it explicitly shows what your middle name is and making sure that none of your last names get omitted. But in my experience, regardless of whether you hyphenate or not, people will tend to drop whatever’s in the middle and call you by the very first word in your name and the very last word in your name. You just need to have a little patience and correct the people who get it wrong and hopefully they’ll get the idea and start calling you the way you want to be called.
Post # 11
I’m still having this dilemma too, but hate hyphenating! I have last name (maiden) that is one syllable but LOTS of letters, so my hyphenated name would be LONG and so is my first.
As confusing as it may be, I’m going to be MyFirst MyMiddle MyLast HisLast.
At work, I want people to continue using MyFirst MyLast, as I have been here 7+ years….if people ASK, I will tell them both last names..but if they happen to call me HisLast (especially his family) I don’t feel the need to correct them…<embracing the identity crisis> 😉 However, when I sign my name, I will probably do both…does anyone know if it is legal to change my signature to First Initial MiddleInitial MyLast HisLast? I’m assuming your signature can be almost anything for legal purposes…
Post # 12
I’m going to be doing this too – in MN you can have two last names without a hyphen and I’d rather do it that way, so I did! I figure it’s worth the potential paprework hassles, and I imagine I’ll have to constantly remind people, but I don’t care.
Post # 13
I went to the pharmacy today and asked them to change my name to MyFirst MyLast HisLast, and they told me they couldn’t do that- it was MyFirst MyLast-HisLast of MyFirst HisLast. Given that my insurance is listed under HisLast, I went for the second option, but it’s really irritating. It’s not fair that people won’t call me by what I say my name is.
Post # 14
I don’t even see how the middle name matters to the pharmacy anyway. So stupid!
Post # 15
I am going to hyphenate…his sister and I share the same first name…and when we get married we will have the same name…even our initials will be the same actually so im gonna hyphenate.
Post # 16
I also want to go with Myfirst Mylast Hislast, no hyphen… and I’m from Minnesota, so that’s good to know, minneapolitan! I will have to get used to more confusion about my name once that happens – my first name is already impossible for people to pronounce, and his last name is tricky too.