(Closed) I CAN’T DO IT BY MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2701 posts
Sugar bee

It sounds to me that your mom is purposely trying to do this to you. From your other posts, she has been less than supportive the entire engagement, I don’t see why she would change now. I wish she would..

I am sorry you have no support and help. I promise it will all be over soon and you will have the love of your life. You can go back to life as normal.

Post # 4
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m sorry you’re going through this πŸ™  I hope that your mom will at least go to the church and let the wedding people in.  My mom behaves in a similar fashion, so I can totally empathize and I’m sure I’ll have my own story to tell when it gets closer to time.  I have asked no one for help in this whole thing and I am getting overwhelmed with all of the responsibilities and stress.  Hang in there, you’re almost to the finish (or beginning) line!

Post # 5
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t want to stress you out any more than you already are, but it seems to me like you’ve set things up so that they’re all on you and haven’t bothered to ask your mom to help — despite the fact that you need it. I think she’s bugging out because she feels like you aren’t covering all the bases like you have in previous months when putting it together and now she feels like it’s on her to pick up the slack. I’m not saying she’s right, I’m just saying that perhaps she would be less frazzled if you asked her for her help specifically instead of being so laid back about it. Some people are just like that – they get riled up in selfish ways.

 

Post # 6
Member
3295 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

awww hun… can you give one of your friends the key?? im sorry you are so stressed πŸ™

Post # 7
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@EsqBailey: I totally agree.

You need to get organized and set expectations for everyone. Being a bride planning a wedding, is like being a parent to a bunch of grumpy teenagers. It stinks, but the end result is worth it.

Post # 8
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Aaaaaahhhh!  My sister pulled this crap four days before our wedding!  She decided that she wanted to use her trip home as an opportunity to “mend her broken relationship” with our father and as you can imagine, it was a NIGHTMARE.  She esentially had to be told “either you smarten up and behave, or don’t bother showing up”

Your mother needs a good swift kick in the butt and a reminder that your wedding is about YOU.  My mother had to remind my sister of that when all hell broke loose before my wedding.  She told her “Are you so selfish that you couldn’t just let your sister be the centre of attention for ONCE in her life?”

Are you an only child or the oldest/youngest child?  Are you the first to get married of your siblings?  Your mother might be struggling with “giving away” her baby, too.

Breathe.  You can totally handle this.  Where is your Maid of Honor?  Do you have any friends who can help?

Post # 10
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

In that case, definitely secure a back up for everything that you need done and allow her to just mellow out on her own. I think it’ll minimize your stress in the long run and when she asks you about something you have it handled.

Ultimately though, if I were you, I’d schedule a massage stat! You deserve it.

Post # 11
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@agirlwithdreams7: I’m sorry you’re so upset. I think you owe it to yourself to stick to your guns and have the wedding morning to yourself at the hotel as you’ve planned. Don’t let anyone take that away from you. I planned something similar and I wouldn’t have changed it for the world. I am SO glad I did that and you deserve it, too!

There’s got to be another answer, another person who can be at the church to open it and greet people to relieve both you and your mom from that task. Can you contact the church to ask for assistance or if anyone will be present to act in this manner? Can you delegate to someone in your bridal party, family, anyone other than your mom?

As for your mom asking about your brother, I’ve had that treatment. You want to say, “How in the hell should I know? He’s a grown man, he’s done it before, he can arrange his hotel again!” It is as though she is trying to start a fight with you over something you clearly have no control over, if only to passive-aggressively point out to you that there are things you cannot control regarding your wedding. Eek. The next time she asks you a question like that, ask her who the 11th President of the United States was or ask her for her take on GrapeNuts Cereal (neither grapes nor nuts, what gives?) so she can undergo the same feelings of “Huh?!” that you are. πŸ˜‰ Hang in there. You’re almost there, just a few more days m’dear.

 

Post # 12
Member
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

@EsqBailey: agree. 

@agirlwithdreams7: so you’ve known for some time then that your mom resents being asked to help you and can’t be relied on? Ask a bridesmaid, personal attendant, close friend, Aunt – anyone else to help out with that. Don’t keep trying get your mother’s help when she clearly isn’t reliable – it’ll save you a lot of stress and anxiety. 

I don’t think it’s worth you getting stressed out or crying over, it just isn’t. You need to focus your energy on something more positive and that you have control over – your mother’s behavior, you do not.

 

And also – if you haven’t asked for other peoples’ help throughout the process, it’s unlikely they’re going to come out of the woodwork in the last couple weeks and step up. It would be nice, but they’ll probably feel they’d be getting in your way if you haven’t asked for help before. 

Post # 15
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I know it’s difficult and you’re really stressed, but sometimes we just have to try really hard to ignore drama.  There was no reason for her to snap back like that.  Maybe she’s stressed as well or simply troubled for other reasons and her response had nothing to do with you.  It’s sad that she would take her internal anger out on you, but try not to take it personally.  Has she always been like this?  Maybe it’s just pre-wedding stress… or menopause.  πŸ˜›

Sorry that she isn’t being more supportive, but you’ll get through this yet! πŸ™‚ 

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