(Closed) “i can’t go to your wedding b/c i’m broke” and then they buy something $$$?

posted 9 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I’ve heard this a couple of times… Sometimes I think maybe it’s not so much they can’t afford to attend your wedding as much as it is they don’t want to inconvenience themselves. Though maybe in the case of trips or other extensive things, they booked them in advance?

It’s a little disheartening- just be extra thankful to those who did put in the extra effort…

Post # 4
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009 - Battery Gardens

It happens. I would say that in order for me to get over some of those types of remarks (I have a similar although not identical remarks said to me) is to remember that everyone has the right to spend their time and money in the manner they choose. We may disagree with it, but it’s still their choice. Just remember that they are losing out by not being at your wedding 🙂 (and it opens you up to conveniently having a vacation scheduled when and if they get married..hee.hee). 

Post # 6
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

While those excuses are insincere I just figure that everyone’s priorities are different and I can’t be offended if someone would rather go on a lavish trip than my wedding (unless they are a super close friend…) The important thing to keep in mind is who will be at your wedding and you’ll know that you’ll be surrounded by people who truly want to be there and share that special day with you 🙂

Post # 7
Member
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with msswan!

For example, Fiance and I have three weddings coming up. We live in CA and the weddings are all in PA or NJ. Quite honestly, we can’t afford to go to one let alone all three. We have some other supporting factors as well, but $ is a big thing about it. However, we are in a new apartment and desperately need some bedroom furniture. We have some $ earmarked for that. 

Also, there have been weddings when we were not so far away where it really came down to how much $ we had. Unfortunately sometimes its just not feasible because $ is earmarked for something else.

Post # 8
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I just figure people have that money earmarked for something else, and I can’t be offended by it. We can’t afford to go to a friend’s wedding across the country this winter, but we can afford a vacation in a couple of weeks because we’ve been planning on it for a year. And if somebody chooses to put a down payment on a car, well…that doesn’t mean they have any money left over!

Post # 9
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I am constantly amazed at peoples’ priorities. But the fact remains that people have different ideas of what is important. Make a mental note and then let it go.

Post # 10
Member
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

So am I suppose to not buy a house but instead go to your wedding?

In My Humble Opinion some people get a little touchy/sensitive on this subject and the reality is people shoud just say they can’t attend, no excuse needed, and the bride and groom should be a bit understanding in that not every single person you invite is going to attend. I normally do all that I can for big events for friends and family however, we were just hit with 1 possibly 2 destination weddings one over the holidays and the other not too far behind that is going to cost so far from what I am told $1000 per person, not to mention we just got married. We only had 10-20 people at our ceremony and cost was not an issue for them as housing was paid for. And..we are building a house and will have interest payments on top of rent. Broke? No, but not splurging on unneccessary stuff either. You have to be smart these days with money. We have to make sacrifices and unfortunately people dont care and are disrespectful about it. Oh well, whatcha going to do. People do not put their lives on hold for your wedding and people need to respect that. I certaintly do not discuss others finances and would appreciate people not discuss mine and what I do with my money. None of your business.

Not trying to be rude whatsoever but trying to give a little insight for those of us on the other side.

Post # 11
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I agree, people have different priorities; maybe they have been slaving at their jobs and their trip was already planned or they are in real need of  new car; everyone has their own priorities; let’s not judge them

 

if they couln’t come to your wedding they are probably not that close enough to bother; some people will not think your wedding is as important as you think and we can’t change how peopel feel

 

just my two cents worth

Post # 12
Member
952 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I wouldn’t take it personally. Our weddings are never going to be as exciting to other people as they are to us. The people that really matter will make it there no matter what.

Post # 14
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I would look at it this way-

Now I know to distance myself and or where their priorities lay, if I did not already have a good idea prior.

And as a bonus I do not have to feed them and save that money!

Furthermore, I am a very sentimental, wear my heart on my sleeve and earn things myself type, so I would rather not have to have someone at my wedding who I have to feed (waste my hard earned money on (or your parents if that is the case) and receive what would probally be a cheap gift anyway, or even if not a gift from someone who’s I probally really do not care for and heart is not in it possibly trying to insincerely buy my attention and or frienship. Just distance yourself from them, depending on who they are, might not be that easy, yet now you know!

Post # 15
Member
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Why is it if someone does not come to your wedding do people feel the need to distance themself, make remarks well you must of have not been close enough to care anyways, their priorities are not straight etc etc. Wow, thats a bit snarky and tacky don’t you think? Also, if you think they are bringing a cheap gift or you really don’t care for them at all, why did you even invite them? Hmm.

I do agree, cancelling 3 days before the wedding is disrepectful since you have already invested your time and money. Especially if it is your family.

I can tell you on my wedding day, all it came down to and all the I really cared was there was my Darling Husband and myself. Everyone else was wonderful support but if for some reason someone could not have attended, as a GOOD friend, I would have been supportive and understanding. It is just a day to them and all that matters is you and your Fiance.

Post # 16
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Yeah, I’m with MissGreen. There are all sorts of people, friends and family alike, whom I love and wish happy, but I can’t go to their weddings for whatever reason. I always send a nice gift with a note, and I’d hate for that to be a reason for them to distance themselves. All sorts of people RSVP’d no to our wedding, but the only ones I took personally were "nos" without any sort of note or gift.

Canceling 3 days before to take a sudden vacation, though — that would definitely upset/annoy me! 

The topic ‘“i can’t go to your wedding b/c i’m broke” and then they buy something $$$?’ is closed to new replies.

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