(Closed) I can’t help but dislike my future MIL and SIL

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
46404 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I have an excellent relationship with my outlaws and I divorced my ex years ago. They are still my children’s grandparents and they are lovely people.

Although I disagree with their treatment of you- they don’t have to draw such rigid lines around family dinners- your  response will not help. These people are going to be in your life whther you like it or not so you might as well make the best of it.

Post # 3
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’d cut your Future Mother-In-Law some slack…for now at least. Some people are just really weird about who they consider ‘family’ and maybe don’t want to get close to someone until an engagement/wedding. Is she otherwise kind to you and happy you’re marrying into the family? Assume the best, and try to kill her with kindness. If things don’t change after you try to bond with her then I’ll switch sides and hate her with you lol.

As for Future Sister-In-Law….she just sounds weird.  But again, is she just showing a total lack of interest or is she being rude in other ways? Perhaps you could try calling her up yourself saying you want to be closer and have her get to know you.  That way if she keeps being like this then you can always say you tried and then you/FI/FSIL/FI’s family will know it.

Post # 6
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I do love my Future Mother-In-Law but sometimes it can a lot to handle because she is in our lives so much. I know it can be hainlet let your children grow up but sometimes it can extreme and Fiance let’s it happen and it gets hard because my mom doesn’t run our lives. He doesn’t want to stir the water by telling her to back off and I understand that. Is it a southern thing?

I hate that your FMiisland SIL is like that being protective is one thing but being a b is another. When you marry him you marry his family. 

My Fiance brother had a girlfriend who I didn’t like and I voiced that to my Fiance and he would never say a word about her. I wasn’t a brat about her but I was honestissuing how something wasn’t right about her and I should like his gf more than I did ad guess what? He broke up with him claiming she wanted to be free. Huh… I was right haha 

The best advice I could give you is don’t be a bitch but don’t take it either it is not fair that they gang up on you esp considering you are new to the family. 

Post # 7
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Sorry for the misspelling I am on my I phone it messes up everything 🙂

Post # 8
Member
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Honestly, I was not really included in my DHs family stuff before we were married either. There were definitely times when I was, but then there were times where it was made clear that Father-In-Law wanted it to be just him and his sons. Yes, it stings… but you kind of just have to get over it. Some families just feel differently about things. They’re going to be your family soon and saying “eff them” is probably not the most positive way to begin a marriage. :

As for your SIL… well… some people are just awful. It’s unfortunate that his sister is one of them.

As for my relationship with my in-laws, I had a relatively good one with DH’s parents although they are deceased now. My BIL is pretty awesome and the rest of his family has actually been pretty good about making me feel included into the family, so I’d say my relationship with them is decent too. It could just be because I really don’t have to see them very often because we live in another country, though. lol

Post # 9
Member
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree to cut your Future Mother-In-Law a break.  I’ve posted about this before, but when my brother got married, my mom went NUTS.  She’s usually a very level headed woman but she had a hard time letting him go and she did weird things and said weird things.  That being said, I felt the need to balance her out and went out of my way to make his wife feel welcome.  I’m sort of in the same situation as you.  My Future Mother-In-Law has started acting weird and has put me off a few times.  My Future Sister-In-Law on the other hand, has not been so welcoming.  I invited both of them to help me pick out a wedding dress.  Future Mother-In-Law came, but Future Sister-In-Law had to work.  She actually ended up getting off early and I saw that she called her mom.  Future Mother-In-Law said “oh great!  You can come help pick out the dress!  She’s narrowed it down to 2 dresses.”  She never showed up.  She went to get drinks with a friend instead.  That pretty much was all I needed.  I’ll be civil and include her when I have to, but I’m not going to continue to try and be close to her.  She can try a few things if she’d like. 

Post # 10
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@mbaldan:  Is your Future Sister-In-Law older than your FI?  If she is, maybe she feels entitled that she should’ve been the first to get engaged.  But regardless, she’s being rude and I do agree with cutting your Future Mother-In-Law a little bit of slack.  I know a few people who’s not considered family until they’re married.  If she doesn’t change after your wedding, then she’s just as rude as your Future Sister-In-Law.  After all, the apple doesn’t fall far from tree. =P

Post # 11
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It was good, until about 2 years ago. My Fiance and her havent got along in a while, so I’ve just chosen to stay out of it. We dont talk as much as we used too. Shes been starting drama with our wedding as in she doesnt want to come….So our relationship isnt good!

Post # 12
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Dub D:  ha! my Future Sister-In-Law is 8+ years older than my Fiance and she’s stressed out because she’s not in any relationship right now, and a couple years ago her then fiance broke off their engagement. 

Future Sister-In-Law is totally immature person that throwed tantrums when she heard that her younger brother has engaged. emotionally blackmailed my Future Mother-In-Law saying that no one was left in the world that would care for her after her brother is married (blah..they’re not even close, those 2 are like cats and dogs).

she also made Future Mother-In-Law forced us to postpone our wedding at least a year (wha? we couldn’t care less.). Future Sister-In-Law also stromed out of FMIL’s birthday dinner when she heard i was coming to the dinner (surprise!). Future Mother-In-Law had to hide her bday present from me and Fiance knowing that Future Sister-In-Law would throw another histerical tantrum when she saw it. both me and Fiance don’t want anything to do with Future Sister-In-Law ever, seriously. 

as for Future Mother-In-Law, i’m throwing a good distance from her too. i don’t like that she’s milking FI’s money. i understand that any parent would love a nice gifts from their children but even after plane tickets, dinners, gifts, smartphones…she still accussed us as stingy all the time and asks for more dinners, more cruises. while me and Fiance had to pay the wedding, mortgage etc!

Post # 13
Member
2161 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I didn’t get along with my ex-ILs and it ultimately tore my relationship apart.  I would try your best for now and see if there is some common ground with them.   If they are rude, have your Fiance call them out on it.   If he isn’t united with you, I would seriously reconsider marrying him.

I didn’t marry my ex, but the “IL” problems were horrid.   We were never on the same page about them and he chose his mother’s side.

Post # 14
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@mbaldan:  I am really sorry to hear that! I can’t imagine what you are going through. My Future In-Laws are great. They have treated me like family since the day we started dating. In fact, my Future Mother-In-Law jokes that she loves me more than she loves my fiance. I don’t know what I would do if it was any other way. I guess just give it time and see what happens. You don’t deserve this treatment, so I hope your fiance stands up for you. If you have to fight them, fight them together. Best of luck!

Post # 15
Member
298 posts
Helper bee

Seriously, I could have written this post, word for word.   I cant stand my fils either! They refuse to invite me to family functions and SO just drags me anyway. I see the disapproval on their faces and you can just cut the tension in the room with a knife. I am an extremely kind,funny, patient and very likable. I am unsure of what fsil thinks of me but it’s probably not good. SO is amazing, but hates to rock the boat.  But I dont care anymore.  SO has cancer and I have been by his side since day one but they still refuse to accept me.  Im over it, but SO is always tense about the situation.  We are moving in together in a month and he is sweating bullets trying to figure out how to tell them. He is very protective of them, pathetically enough.

What does your fi think of this?

 

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