Post # 1
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
This is so strange! I don’t even understand myself lol.
Here’s the brief background- my “father” is a man I’ve never known. He basically just goes around the country, impregnates women and moves on. The degree to which he spends time with these kids differs. I’m pretty sure I’m the lucky one since I’ve gotten no time at all. Its pretty odd stuff but I’m past it.
Anyway, a few years one of his daughters, so my half-sister, contacted me. Well, it was really her mother contacting my mother. She was probably 15 at the time, and she was having mental health issues. Her Mother reached out because she knew (somehow) that I work in that field. It was something I wasn’t prepared to deal with so I kind of just left it alone, I never contacted her back. I know, I’m a sh*thead huh? There was just such a strange history and I wasn’t equipped to acknowledge it, if that at all makes sense.
Fast forward to now, the engagement process can be emotional. It brings up things you’d never see coming. So now I keep thinking that I’m disappointed I don’t know her, or any other half sibling for that matter. I’d love to have a relationship with her. Obviously I can’t create one out of nowhere, and I can’t build one in 5 months but I wish I could invite her to my wedding. How crazy is that? I want her, but not my father. I’m not upset at all that my father won’t walk me down the aisle or dance with me. I’m like my own case study! Lol. I don’t even know how to get ahold of her or what I’d say anyway. This is something I have NEVER even spoken of out loud. I think my Mother would get angry, and I think my Fiance would just be confused.
I don’t understand it, any suggestions? Anyone else experience anything similar??
Am I nuts? Haha…ha
Post # 3
Member
1392 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: September 2010 - Heron Hill Winery
not exactly similar, but sorta similar experience over here….I have two half siblings…one I haven’t met, but the rest of the family has (I was at school when she came down to visit/meet my father and family) the other half sibling I have only met in person once, but have had occasional contact with over the phone and via facebook.
I am inviting both siblings to my wedding because I think it is important that they feel as much a part of my family as they can. Both siblings grew up without my father in their life and one grew up not even knowing we existed. I just feel like despite my father’s not being there for them they are part of my blood.
I say if you think it’s important to invite her to your wedding you should…it could lead to her becoming a part of your life.
PS.
Both the siblings I have asked so far seem more than willing to come to our wedding and I hope that they will find themselves welcome and part of our family.
Post # 4
Member
1455 posts
Bumble bee
You can totally invite her, but know, everyone reacts differently – like how you reacted when they reached out for some help from your field. It’s a VERY weird situation to know that someone related to you is out there, but you don’t know them. Biologically they are SO close to you but you don’t know a THING about them. It’s hard! (I’m adopted, so I have to go on knowing I have a bio mom, and possibly siblings, etc, out there… it’s weird!) Maybe try to get her email, and say that you are getting married and it’s made you think a lot about family, and that you wanted to start to get to know her with the hopes of having her come to the wedding, if she is comforatble. She might not respond, she might send you 100 facts about herself. Who knows! But I think if you became like “e-mail pen pals” it would be a great way to get to know one another- I don’t think 5 months is too short by any means. Go for it!
Post # 5
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
Sort of similar situation here. Fiance has three half-siblings — his parents were both previously married to diff. people, had kids, got divorced, then married each other and had Fiance. Fiance grew up with his mother’s son, so they’re more like “real” brothers.
His half-brother and half-sister live in Pennsylvania. He’s only met his brother a couple of times and never met his sister. We’re inviting both of them to the wedding. I think his brother will come, but we’re assuming his sister probably won’t come due to issues with FI’s dad.
I don’t think it would be beyond strange to contact her, try to start a relationship, and possibly invite her to the wedding.
Post # 6
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
Thanks guys. I actually just searched for her on Facebook. I got startled because I found a girl around her age and her network is for a HS in Florida. Which is all I know about her, that she should be about 17 and she lives in Florida. But I don’t know what she actually looks so I’m not sure if its her. And I don’t wanna be that super creep weirdo that sends a message like, “Hi, is your father J___ F___”. Lol, that would freak me out if it happened to me!
Post # 7
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
OMG- I just had a freakin’ stroke! My father (who again, I’ve never spoken to, despite my many attempts) has a FB page, he’s one of her friends. I only know this because I remember the old pictures my Mother never knew I found. He looks exactly the same but with a few grays. I feel like I should be on Maury Povich right now. This is the strangest day, I’m seriously shaking. Wth? I wanna talk about this with someone but they’d just freak. Thank god for Weddingbee!
Post # 8
Member
1392 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: September 2010 - Heron Hill Winery
I agree with pugs that it may be tough for her at first…..I think my “sister” may have had a hard time initially because she had been on a life long search for her father (my dad) only to find out that finding him also meant she had 6 new siblings….adding her as a facebook friend has made it easier to become part of her life and to learn who she is.
Post # 9
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
Darling Husband has, oh, 5 half-siblings? We never formally ‘acknowledge’ them because he hasn’t seen them in over 10 years.
We didn’t invite them to the wedding b/c he was like, “dude…i don’t want to do that!” but if he was open to the idea, it would’ve made sense to me.
He IS facebook friends with one of them though. They look nothing alike, it’s really weird. She’s a teenager still and posts those “i think i’m HOT” type photos which is amusing.
Post # 10
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
I honestly don’t even know where to begin. How do you even initiated a dialogue under these circumstances?
Post # 11
Bee
2362 posts
Buzzing bee
- Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden
I would just start the dialogue by being honest – write her a message and explain the situation – you would love to have her at the wedding, and you would like to get to know her (if you’re ready for that, otherwise, just the latter half). these situations can be so messy and confusing (I have a vaguely familiar situation in my life) but family is important, and if you feel a connection to her, you should go for it. good luck!