(Closed) I can't keep it together…

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
9095 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Have you talked to anyone about your anxiety? It’s normal to be nervous, but it shouldn’t be giving you panic attacks. That’s not a healthy way to cope.

Post # 3
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee

Try to remember everyone attending will be there to celebrate your love.  It’s about you and your husband – sounds like all of the details are in place, you’ve double-checked with vendors, your parents are putting on “the works” and it will be BEAUTIFUL.  And guess what – getting your hair and makeup done, wearing your favorite dress?  You will be beautiful.

On the day of, remember that if little things go wrong, try to brush them off your shoulder and be happy.  It’s your wedding day.. you’ll look back at those photos and be thankful you had your loved ones in the presence of the day you promised to be with your hubby forever.  My favorite weddings are always the ones where the bride and groom seem so happy and in love.  🙂

Post # 4
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2016 - 1950s themed bar

Is there any way you can minimise your fear of walking down the aisle? What if you walked in with your FI? Even though you’re now having a bigger wedding, it doesn’t mean you have to follow all traditions, and if getting ready with Fiance and having him by your side the whole day is what excites you, then maybe that’s what you need to do? Also, I’m with PP, maybe you should talk to a doctor about it?

Post # 5
Hostess
8816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

I don’t know the legalities, but could you have a courthouse wedding just you two, get that done, get the nerves out of the way, do it the way you wanted and then do the big wedding and whatever happens happens?

 

Post # 6
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

natalienz:  “What if you walked in with your FI?”

This. I have anxiety, and I’ve definitely thought about walking down the aisle together. Even walking with my dad would feel better, despite my dislike of that tradition.

I’m with the people who say talk to your doctor, but since you’re so close to the event, I would avoid trying a new medicine, in case of unforeseen side effects.

Also, MsBeer has a good idea. There’s generally no reason why you can’t get pre-married, unless your officiant is a real stick in the mud. Even if you can’t, you haven’t given up that private ceremony: no matter who happens to be nearby, you and your partner are going to be the only people in the world.

Post # 7
Member
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I suggest you focus on gratitude. Shift your thinking- you’ve practiced viewing your wedding through a lens of resentment and anxiety. Maybe you should have stuck to your guns but it’s too late now. Focus on what youre grateful for every time your mind gets negative. Retrain your attitude.

Post # 8
Member
1653 posts
Bumble bee

Dont worry BEE happy, and if all else fails take a xanax. Hahahaha 

Everyone there is there for you and your Fiance, savor the love and SMILE. 

Post # 9
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Married on 8/22 and I had the SAME emtions as you and the same anxieties – also did not want a big wedding either but my parents INSISTED as well. I had an AMAZING support system through out the whole thing – and if you have that, lean on them. I will be honest with you that I resented everything until the day of! I didn’t start feeling ‘good’ until I finished getting ready and looked at my bridesmaids (they were all awesome and beautiful!). And then my husband and I did a first look and everything just melted away (the anger, the anxiety, everything). I was still a little stressed at this point but once I started walking down the aisle, I just focused on HIM. and we kept our eyes on each other. I had gone through the preceeding months thnking I would freak out having 200+ there listening to my vows, etc. but when the time came, it felt like no one else was even there.  So basically, my advice would be to focus on each other and focus on your marriage (because it IS really just one day).  Hopefully, you’ll find afterwards, like I did, that it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I even enjoyed myself and also am looking forward to getting the pictures back. 🙂 And with regard to all the other emotions going on – remember to delegate and take care of yourself.  And, I really hope you guys have an awesome honeymoon planned too – that’s definitely something you two can look forward too! Good luck!!

Post # 10
Member
774 posts
Busy bee

lexmi1003:  Go get married legally first with just you and Fiance. I have heard from several people who did this that it takes a lot of stress off the wedding celebration. You can have it both ways! Intimate moment with your Fiance and the big party for your parents.

Post # 11
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

lexmi1003:  I think you need to talk to someone, if at all possible, because while I understand you’re very private and are overwhelmed, these things shouldn’t be taking you to that point.

I used to have panic attacks also, and still have a pretty high anxiety level. What got me beyond panic attacks is realizing it was okay to let them happen, and that they would pass, and they’d be fine, everything would be fine, and there was no reason to be afraid of them or whatever is causing them. Nothing is ever as bad as your brain makes it, and fear clouds your judgment and causes a black hole of happiness. You start to obsess, and everything gets lost. Remember, it’s one day. I had a book called Hope and Help for Your Nerves http://www.amazon.com/Hope-Help-Nerves-Claire-Weekes/dp/0451167228 that helped me a lot back when I was 16 and dealing with that. (Although I think 60% of my problem was we thought there was some biological reason I was feeling randomly sick/hot/lump in stomach/never could breathe well/etc… I thought I was gonna die or something. I think I found a good bit of relief just realizing it wasn’t life-threatening, but it still might help you. It’s been so long I don’t remember its contents. It has good ratings!) 

 

But… what is upsetting you? What about the calls, or the people, or the situation, is making you so angry or tearful? If you look closely at those, that might help get you started. Emotions sort of run wild, but if you can pinpoint reasons they’re occurring, it will be a doorway. If you can absolutely find no reason whatsoever, you can start telling yourself that it’s okay and nothing about it is a big deal. It’ll be a few hours, and then it’ll be done. Nobody cares about your wedding day as much as you do. If something goes wrong, at worst, people will feel bad for you and be all “I’m glad it’s not me.” … but most flubs and imperfections will go entirely unnoticed or be shrugged off by everyone and forgotten in a second. 

Remember to take deep breaths and drop your shoulders. 

Post # 12
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

MsBeer:  and cucumberroll:  had great suggestions. Go to the courthouse and have that moment with your fiance that you always wanted. 

That will make you less stressed out for the “big day” and you can relax – whatever happens, happens.

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