@WaitingweddingBE: Well said.
I feel sad that these boards can get so heated – Shirinjoon has been honest all this time about her BF’s plan to hopefully propose by July, and being a guy, that pretty much means he thinks it’s cool as long as it’s by 11:59 PM July 31.
#1 – If he has any type of surprise or special event planned, he simply WON’T talk about it. He won’t talk about the future, he won’t ebing up the engagement – he’s planning a surprise and he HAS NO IDEA that as a waiting woman, she’s thinking about it almost every waking minute. Guys are simply NOT wired like that, until the actual event is staring them in the face. This does not mean they are not excited, it means they are focused differently. Women tend to multitask, sometimes that’s good, other’s it’s distracting. Men don’t. Men tend to usualy pick an activity, whatever it is, and focus on it and it alone. TV, games, sports, carpentry, and even their part in preparing for a marraige, they focus on it when they are doing it, and then push it to the back of their minds at all other times. We are all pretty much like kids on Christmas Eve, knowing there is something exciting coming, knowing it’ll be great, but not able to stop thinking about it enough to fall asleep and realx and let it happen.
I hate to generalize, but I am basing this off of the guys I know, my own Boyfriend or Best Friend, and many, many of the men Bees are dating and marrying. If Shirinjoon’s Boyfriend or Best Friend is planning something, the surefire way to NOT give away anyhting is simply not to talk about it. Also, some guys simply are not de Bergerac, able to soothly spout poetry and deep emotion at a moment’s notice. Most have been trained that’s not manly, and shy away from it out of habit and lack of practice talking about such things.
(My friend getting married in less than two weeks only got fitted for his Tux AFTER all the groomsmen, including my provratinating Boyfriend or Best Friend, had already done so, after his father had his tux taken care of, etc. It’s not that he’s not happy to be marrying the woamn he loves, he’s just more into them growing old together than worrying about things like sweeping conversations about the future or getting fitted for a tuxedo with a pink (‘watermelon’ :P) vest.)
#2 – I’m sorry if someone posting a lot about their worries seems too much for some people – but then just don’t read the post – the title and poster name should be tip off. Don’t feel a need to reply to anyone you feel is posting “too much” about waiting. As has been said MANY times before, what you get from these posts is a snapshop of a relationship, usually not on a good day. As for the OP, she’s having a bad day. Instead of freaking out her Boyfriend or Best Friend, her mom or anyone else, she turns here to what is supposed to be a supportive community for people will all types of relationships. Implying, even if it’s unintended, that her posting about her continued wait, when it’s been known for a few months that July is D-month, that she just needs to be quiet already is not supportive.
Some people find this site when their soon-to-be-spouse is about o or aleady has proposed. The creators were kind enough to allow a space for ladies who have not yet been that fortunate, because their frustration and, yes, pain, are a special kind that really only others in that situation can realte to.
It’s great that some ladies have been surprised 100% by a propsal, that others have been down the road pretty painlessly together from the first Talk to the alter. Others have had to push their soceity created man-child to realize he CAN be happy as a husband, and again, with a little effort but nothing heart-wrenching, they have “graduated” to the pwedding planning section of the site. Others are not so lucky. Their BFs, who still love them dearly, have other things that make this process seem hard, keep it in the dark, or just take forever to do anything. Some men like the traditional 100% surprise, and so keep their lady in the dark about their plans, making her fret he’s not interseted in the future. Others like the present so much, they forget you can’t stop the future from coming, and some things in life require planning, and can’t be forestalled forever. Still others are uncerain as to what they want, other than they are happy and afriad of change, so they fight it. That does not make them bad men, callously stinging along innocent women. It just means that some couples have woemn who are fast readeres who need to wait on a page for the man to catch up.
Shirinjoon has been clear about her intentions to leave should he not come through by July. she has not told the Boyfriend or Best Friend to avoid it sounding like an ultimatum. Some ladies are with men on whom an ultimatum will work… others are with guys who will feel a threat and a challenge and will call the bluff, ending the relationship rather than being seem as weak or “whooped”.
Waiting ladies get enough of the whole, “You’re not enegaged, he’s not jumping up and down to do it so he must not love you,” from their friends, families and their own minds. They don’t need to hear it all the time on here, especailly when the “deadline” for this particular couple is 54 days off.