(Closed) I can't keep this secret any longer…

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 256
Member
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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missinthecity :  I know you mean well, but as someone who was married to and escaped, relatively unharmed, a man just like the OP’s husband, the last thing she should do is involve his work.  

No legitimate security professional will help a co-worker stalk and/or go after his ex-wife.  The OP’s husband is very sick.  His sickness doesn’t stop at home.  He carries it over to other areas of his life.  If anything, his co-workers are probably more on to him than anyone else.  They see how he boasts, but doesn’t deliver.  Some of them see how he lies and cheats almost as much as his wife does.

This man is very dangerous.  He’s a loose cannon.  Humiliating him at work is very dangerous for the OP.

What she needs to do is get help from a professional who will help her leave him safely.  Not following very specific guidelines is life threatening in this case.

Post # 257
Hostess
4581 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

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renierose :  Again, I am not suggesting she humiliate him at work or involve his work at all.  I was offering myself as a (potentially local) resource with experience in her husband’s industry.

Post # 258
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2006

I’m thinking of you today. I hope and pray you are safe. Please update us when you can.

Post # 259
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Oh, man.  This is heartbreaking.

I occasionally work with young girls who are in serious domestic abuse situations — like yours is — and here’s what I tell them to do:

1.) You pack your shit up, everything that you need in a bag.  2.) As soon as humanly possible, preferrably when he’s not in the home to stop you, you go.  Forever.  You don’t look back.

I would recommend calling a domestic violence shelter.  Many of them have great programs that are designed to get you independent within a certain time frame.  Think of the DV shelter as a shield.  They will help protect you from your husband’s abuse.  They have access to resources to help you move on, safely, and the people there are trained to help you.

If you want to leave, you’re an adult.  You can do that. The police cannot drag you back to him because he wills it to be so.  There is a reason that absuers cut down their victims to nothing — your low self-esteem has become your prison.  It is trapping you in this hell of a marriage.  But nothing he says is real.  It’s lies, the delusions of an abuser desperate to chain you to him, forever, so that he can keep on abusing you.

You gotta go.  Your life will change, and that’s scary.  I know.  But, I say this with care and concern, you need help.  Reach out and take it.

Post # 260
Member
1402 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

He definitely knows something is up. Get out now. He can’t “ruin” you, that’s not real. Leave your phone at work and talk to a lawyer, chances are they’ll have some good advice for how to secure your money and how to get the hell out. You aren’t safe at home.

Post # 261
Member
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Everytime I see this thread pop up I see your name “worthless bee” and it makes me so sad… that that is what you chose for your anon name 🙁 You are NOT a worthless bee!!

Post # 263
Member
6835 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

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worthlessbee :  DO IT AND DON’T LOOK BACK! Good for you girly!

Post # 264
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: Beach

Wow I have been glued to this since yesterday. You sound so much more confident in this last update. I saw someone comment that the police cannot drag you back to him which was a great point. He doesn’t own you. You do not have to stay with him. It is so fortunate that you do not have children with him. Even if he takes all you have right now that means nothing you will have yourself and so exciting you will have your own future. Anything you build from the point after leaving him no doubt will be all yours. You will have so much hope.

I just want to add have a back up plan in just in case. A phone number or someone driving by the house or if you don’t contact someone at certain times they have a plan or something. Just in case he is lying or his flight is delayed or whatever. Leaving you alone for 3 days from this guy who tracks your phone. I would have a back up plan, or move fast after he gets on the plane.

Post # 265
Member
7528 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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worthlessbee :  HUGS!!!!!!  I’m so happy to hear your update.  Stay strong!!  This will be one of the hardest yet most worthwhile things you’ve ever done in your entire life.  When you have time, re-read all of these amazing posts from these amazing women.  There are so many beautiful words of encouragement and wisdom here.

Remember to breathe.  Lol.  I remember when I first broke free I felt like all I could do was just breathe.  And I had to continually remind myself to do that.  The pain is going to be tough, I won’t lie to you.  It’s the death of the dream.  BUT, that dream was not real and was never going to be.  You will have a new life and it will be much better!  You can do this.  BREATHE.  And walk.  That’s all you have to do.

Stay safe and be blessed and keep checking in with us, please.  And change your user name to something more fitting of a woman who is taking her life and her power back! 

Post # 266
Member
1203 posts
Bumble bee

You’ve taken the hardest step – the first one! Congratulations bee!  I don’t imagine the next few days/weeks/months/years will be easy, but it is all worth it, because YOU are worth it.

Be safe and best of luck!

Post # 267
Member
670 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

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worthlessbee :  I literally just cried reading your update. I am so happy, anxious, proud, and full of love and support for you girl. It will be so hard, but it will be so worth it. Please let us know when you are safely out. My heart is so happy knowing that you are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel now. So proud for you. <3 I wish I could hug you right now, honestly.

Post # 268
Member
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Sending you good thoughts bee and so happy to hear the update! Stay strong! You can do this!!

Post # 269
Member
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

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worthlessbee :  you were never worthless!  You’re a strong, brave, and resilient woman!  I along with all the other bees are very proud of you in taking the steps to leaving your terrible, piece of shit husband.  Best of luck and keep us posted! 

Post # 270
Member
6349 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

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worthlessbee :  Bee, I am SO PROUD OF YOU!! What you’re doing is incredibly brave. I’m so glad you realized that none of this was okay and that you need to leave. STAY STRONG AND BE SAFE!!!

The topic ‘I can't keep this secret any longer…’ is closed to new replies.

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