(Closed) I can't keep this secret any longer…

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 301
3149 posts
Sugar bee

Good luck! And stay strong, you so deserve it. You. Are. Amazing.

Make sure you contact the police department to be there when you move out, to ensure he, or a friend isn’t spying, like another PP suggested.

The timing seems suspicious on his part, but he also doesn’t have the full story, so don’t let fear paralyze you. Keep moving forward, just don’t be afraid to talk to people as you go. Make sure people know what you’re doing, when you plan on doing it, and keep in contact with someone. 

You can even have your lawyer accompany you. Keep in contact, and be careful to plan your movements. Don’t let your guard down, now isn’t the time to slip up – YOU GOT THIS!

Post # 303
1117 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I read all of your updates and oh my goodness, bee, you are AMAZING!!!! I know this is incredibly scary, but you are being so brave and strong. I am also SO glad that your work is putting so much protection in place for you to help keep you safe. ***great big hugs***

You’re at the beginning of the rest of your life, free from this horrific man! I was with a man who similarly put me down, although the abuse wasn’t as bad as what you are dealing with. It took me 3 months to pretend and act like I was fine and build up money, etc before leaving and filing for divorce. It took quite a while longer to re-build my confidence and find ME again. But, it is possible, and with the strength you’ve shown, I know you can do it too!

Sending so much love and many hugs your way. You got this, bee! <3

Post # 304
4369 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
worthlessbee :  wow! Your update is so promising!

You are well on your way to a whole new amazing life. Keep going, every single time you even remotely think of abandoning this plan, close your eyes and remember all of the hurtful, disgusting and shitty things he has said to you and remember you are worth so much more than what he has put you through. Just stick to the plan, look after yourself and keep it cool until Monday and then you are free…💕 We are all rooting for you! 

Post # 306
2922 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

I know we don’t know each other but I have tears in my eyes reading your updates, you are so strong and amazing, and I’m so proud of you. I know it’s scary and it’s hard but you can do this. We all believe in you! Keep us updated. 

Post # 307
90 posts
Worker bee

I am glad you are taking the steps to ensure that you’re keeping your safety as a top priority. I am honestly so so proud of you. I know it’s hard but one day you will look back and be so thankful you finally put yourself first. It might be scary now but this is not the life you deserve. Please just keep updating us when it’s safe to do so. Hang in there and don’t do anything to tip him off if possible.

Post # 308
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
worthlessbee :  Disclosure: I didn’t make it through all 20+ pages. 

Bee–he is trying to convince you there is something wrong with you. Because there is something wrong with HIM. And he’s too insecure to deal with it. Just as he won’t get tested for infertility.

Begin to separate finance. Confide in your family. They should know what a douche he is. Take care of YOU!!! See a therapist, work on yourself, define your future goals. Plan your getaway. Because while he’s not worth a minute more of your time it may take a little bit of time to extricate yourself from this marriage. And then don’t look back. There is so much more ahead of you. Hugs. 

ETA: I just read your update. You go girl!!! You were never worthless. You were oppressed and abused. And while you will face challenges in the immediate future you will come out on the other side stronger and happier than you have imagined in a long time. You can do this!!! And we are here for you. 

Post # 309
1733 posts
Bumble bee

Dupe post.

Post # 310
1733 posts
Bumble bee

Aw girl. These updates make me cry. I’m so happy you are figuring things out yet remembering your safety. Continue to keep us updated. I’ve been thinking of you a lot! 

Post # 311
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

View original reply
worthlessbee :  YOU are NOT worthless and you certainly don’t need anyone to verify your worth. The way he is treating you shows that he has his own insecurities. He is abusing you mentally. I think it would be worth talking to a professional for advice. It’s hard when you think you love someone. But love wouldn’t put you through that amount of pain. Nobody deserves that. I hope you work out the answers to your problems. 

Post # 312
45 posts
  • Wedding: July 2014

I am SO happy for you! I read your original post a few days ago and was pleased to see you were getting such great advice from the lovely bees. But with this update I am actually grinning from ear to ear and am SO proud of you.

I was in a very similar situation a few years ago. I know how terrifying it can be. I was in a different state but I left with my dog and got to keep him. Where I live, they considered the dog as property and I argued that as his primary caretaker, he was my property. I used vet bills, dog daycare slips, ect (which were all in my name) to prove this.

I’m sure it may be hard to think too far in the future but I can tell you (now looking back) the 2-3 years after I left were the best years of my entire life. I felt so free, at peace, and genuinely happy. My advice for the immediate future is this- listen to your intuition, be deliberate with every move you make, and remember your new life is SO close.

You got this. 

Post # 313
1582 posts
Bumble bee

Just sending you love and hugs – Proud. Of. You.

Post # 314
5092 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
worthlessbee :  I’m so glad for you.  You are so courageous.  Keep on going! Not to take your path lightly, but you have inspired me to make other changes in my life.  I’ve been holding on to unhealthy habits for too long.  Here’s to success for both of us, and many happy days ahead!  We’ve got this.  Keep us posted when safe.  😉

Post # 315
833 posts
Busy bee

You’ve got this. You are doing the right thing. 

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