(Closed) I can't keep this secret any longer…

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 316
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee

I just saw we live in the same state. Please reach out to me if you need anything! 

Post # 317
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

So incredibly proud of you – the steps you have taken in the last 24 hours are amazing and you are being so strong. Been thinking about you all day. Please keep us posted. Bring that dog with you. 

Post # 318
Member
2758 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

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worthlessbee :  ah Bee if i could  kiss your boss and nominate her for Boss of 2016, I would. Her response to your story is exactly what should be EVERYONE’s response. Less than a week Bee. You have less than a week to go. So please, please act as normal as possible so he cannot suspect anything. Since this is the first time he leaves without you, he’ll be uneasy too. That’s ok, you’ll be so normal he’ll think everything is ok. Or he’ll try to put the fear of God in you while he’s away. That’s ok too, you’ve remembered that he’s NOT God and you’re counting down the days anyway. 

My 2 cents? Once you’ve set everything in motion (lawyer, where you’ll stay, ask a friend to help you move) the very last thing you should do would be to take out the money. Now this may sound stupid, but you don’t want him to get an alert and have him get on the next flight out back home. No, you want the papers to be almost drawn up, your friend in the car ready to help you move so in case he claims “family emergency” and rushes back, he’s too late. You’re gone, safe and out of his reach. Don’t lose your phone just yet. Drop it off Monday morning with your boss and pick it up when it’d be time to leave for work, etc.

You were ALWAYS out of his league anyway. (((((((Hugs))))))))

@missinthecity: I almost cried when I read your offer to the OP. You have a stranger’s gratitude, admiration and respect for that selfless offer. 

Post # 319
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

OP, I mean I’ve had a shit ass day, I thought nothing could pull me out of it but girl you have turned it around. How freaking INSPIRING AND BRAVE AND STRONG. THE COURAGE GIRL, YOU GOT THIS!!!!! I am so overwhelmed with emotion! I know this has got to be hard, but you are saving yourself, you see your value, this is such a good thing. I’m praying for you!!!! Please do not give up now you’ve come so far!!!!

Post # 320
Member
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016 - Theater

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worthlessbee :  As per the dog, if you have vet bills, or registration, or adoption papers or any paperwork to establish the dog as yours, he can’t get it. Dogs are property, and are treated as such. Even if you can’t prove yourself as the primary caretaker and owner of the dog, you can plea that he is unfit to own the dog (he purposefully scares it and loses his temper, which is animal abuse).

Mind you I’m no lawyer, I just looked up what it says about dogs in divorce.

Stay strong through this week. You can do this, bee.

Post # 321
Member
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016 - Theater

 

duplicate

Post # 322
Member
7635 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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MrsHarryDresden :  Seconded. You are lucky to have such a wonderful boss.

Stay strong OP, and keep your plans as secret as possible. And surely you can stay with your parents if an apartment doesn’t materialise. I know I would take in my daughter if was in that situation.

I’d also do anything I can to avoid sex. I believe you were going to get a depo shot, but (depending on when in your cycle you have it) it doesn’t always work immediately.

Post # 323
Member
409 posts
Helper bee

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worthlessbee :  dear bee…I’ve been thinking about your story all day. I’ve no words…I know firsthand how crippling and devastating emotional abuse can be, and how it leaves you feeling weak and empty…until you no longer even know who you are, and you just wonder where your old self went. I am so glad you found this incredible strength to walk away, and start taking all the necessary steps. As for yourlove for him and all the heartbreak – some of it is unavoidable – but remember, you don’t really love him. You love the image of him, the ideal that you have in your head. He most likely never was any of that to begin with. You just didn’t fully know his true self. You didn’t have the whole picture. You never even suspected the scary, dark and disgusting side of his personality. That’s all him. Not just the good things and fond memories you have in your head. If you take off your pink shades, and look at this situation and this man as if it was someone else…would you love him? Would anyone?

I think in cases like this a healthy dose of anger is the best medicine. ‘Who do you think you are, a…hole?? How dare you treat me like that?! How dare you even think of being part of my life again?!!’ This kind of anger really helped me shake off old feelings, feel stronger and build my life again. Not hatred that would make you bitter and eat you up inside. Just the constructive attitude of ‘F you! I will have an amazing life and be happy without you.’

I hope everything goes smoothly with your exit, dear. Please be calm, be safe and keep us updated.

Hugs :xxxx  

Post # 324
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

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worthlessbee :  I know it’s terrifying sweetie, but you are so strong and you can do this! You deserve so much better. You have a lot of support and love from the Bees, I really just wanna give you a big hug! Stay positive and strong and know that your life is going to get so much better. You are an A-MAZ-ING woman and deserve all the happiness that life has to offer. Love ya hunny!

Post # 325
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

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worthlessbee :  I know it’s scary sweetie but you can do this! I am so proud of you! You have a lot of love and support from the Bees, we believe in you. You are an        A-MAZ-ING woman and deserve wonderful things in life! Stay safe and strong. Love you hunny!

Post # 326
Member
1447 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - St. John\'s Lutheran Church

Holy smoke. My heart is beating through my chest reading this thread. OP, you are a STONE COLD BADASS and don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise. You seem smart as a whip and are doing an amazing job. This is the right choice and you deserve it!

 

Post # 327
Member
288 posts
Helper bee

I am very proud of you Bee, you’ve got this.

Very good advice from a previous bee that he may have a banking alert/fraud alert on the accounts. I have one for any transaction over $500 that sends out a text. Just be careful as this may mess up some of your plans.

Post # 328
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2016

More hugs and good vibes from the other side of the country here! I read all your updates. You know in your gut this is the right decision, otherwise you would not have acted so fast. You are courageous and smart for making all these moves. I imagine it must be so hard to walk away from those ten years, but from what you’ve written it sounds like he’s completely changed. You deserve more…..you must know now, or else you wouldn’t have hundreds of messages of support like this 🙂

I will be praying for your safety and recovery. Please keep us updated. And as PP have said, stay in touch with the police and local women’s/domestic violence organizations. We are on your side!

Post # 330
Member
716 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

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worthlessbee :  Please check if your local humane society has a program where they will foster your dog until you are settled. My shelter has a program called Safe Places which places animals in short term care for those fleeing domestic abuse. Many animal shelters have similar programs in place.

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