(Closed) I can't keep this secret any longer…

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 376
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Please take care of yourself, stay strong, stay calm, and do the right thing. Please save yourself from this horrible man, you deserve so much better x o x o x o

Post # 377
Member
54 posts
Worker bee

I did not read the entire post, just the OP.  Please get yourself out of this situation.  No one deserves to be treated like this.  He will continue to damage your self-esteem until you start believing it.  Heaven forbid you do conceive a child, male or female, do you wnat them to see the way and treats you and grow up thinking it is acceptable behavior or that that is what love looks like?  You deserve sp much more.  It sounds like you have been through a lot and tried to stick it out, you have held up your end, your husband has not. 

Post # 378
Member
618 posts
Busy bee

I just had one more thought – I hope he isn’t this conniving, I hate to assume the worst. Also he would have to really believe you were going to leave to do this. But could he be having his friend and the girlfriend tell you they were going, but really he’s not? I can see how he could frame this as wanting to “surprise” you, so that these people would tell you what HE wants you to think… that they were going, and even that they were on the plane… I hope that wouldn’t happen. But you just don’t want to rule anything out.  I think it would be ideal to have someone with you at the house to help you pack and leave safely, whether that’s the police or a close friend/family member.  It doesn’t hurt to be extra careful.

Again, best of luck bee.  You can do this!

Post # 379
Member
96 posts
Worker bee

bridetobe24 :  This is why I was also thinking it would be good to have someone at the house with you who knows what’s going on to help you get out of there safely just in case. You just want to be as careful and forward thinking as possible.

Post # 380
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

worthlessbee :  So proud of you. You found the strength to reach out and take these steps on your own. Wishing you all the best.

Post # 381
Member
1223 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

OP, I have to chime in to agree with those urging the utmost caution.  In abusive relationships, this is the most dangerous time.  I know you are FEELING different, but try not to act any different.  I think calling to see if the police would be available to be nearby would be a really really good idea.  Is there any way you can get a copy of his flight itinerary – at least then you would have a confirmation number you could double check.

Post # 382
Member
4539 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

worthlessbee :  have been following your post. So proud of you for having the courage to walk away from this situation…so many women don’t. Keep safe xx

Post # 383
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I’m very sorry you have to go through this. I am shocked that anyone would treat someone that they love the way your husband treats you. However, I completely understand how useless and helpless you feel. 

I advise that you seek counseling. First for yourself, then as a couple. Find an unbiased third party you can talk to. I’m not suggesting that are the one with the problem–but I think addressing this issue with an unbiased, third party in person could help you find the tools you need to communicate with your husband, in a way that he will take seriously, how awfully he is treating you. 

Then require your husband to go to counseling with you. If he is unwilling, that is your absolute sign to leave. If he is not willing to work on your relationship, he’s given up, and you should to. 

Post # 384
Member
464 posts
Helper bee

futuremrsrslett :  With all due respect, have you read her updates? He has tracking devices on her, checks her computer and phone history, forces her to have sex with him (but only after she showers and does her hair/makeup), talks to her worse than I would talk to my enemy… to name a few. She should absolutely not try to reconcile. I’m usually one to advise putting in the work, but this guy is never going to change and she doesn’t need to stick around to figure that out.

Post # 385
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2016

No, I only read the original post. I just know many people who have been in very bad relationships, and other people telling them to leave is never what actually gives them the courage to leave. They have to be ready on their own terms. We can all type to this anonymous person who doesn’t want us to know who she is and tell her to leave, but there’s at least a decent chance she won’t listen and make excuses for why she should stay. 

I’m not trying to start a fight on this, I just wanted to offer another suggestion besides OMG YOU SHOULD LEAVE HIM when, as I’ve seen first hand, that advice doesn’t usually resonate until the listener is ready to leave. 

Post # 386
Member
2176 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Praying for safety and your mental health. He’s a sick bastard. I’m sorry that this has been your life for so long. Be alert at all times, try to stay the same outwardly and work the plan you have in place. Perhaps speak to a domestic violence shelter to see if they have any further tips or advice on making your escape as safe and seamless as possible. 

Post # 387
Member
329 posts
Helper bee

I know this is a long thread, people, but do the OP a favor and if you’re going to post…READ EVERYTHING FIRST. Encouraging tharapy is not helpful when a woman is being systematically abused.

Post # 390
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Look, I’m not trying to start fights. I’m offering my advice. That’s what she asked for. You don’t have to agree with me. She doesn’t have to agree with me. 

In truth, none of us are close enough to the situation to provide the best possible advice, she specifically didn’t want that by making an anonymous post. We’re all offering our advice for a crappy situation. So, intead of seeking out comments you don’t agree with, why not just let it go. 

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