(Closed) I can't keep this secret any longer…

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 31
Member
518 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I am so sorry bee. It couldn’t be said more… You deserve so much better. I agree, seek help from a professional if you can. A counselor or therapist can really help you and get you the right resources you need. Or maybe a look into a place for women, they also have great resources. I know it may be hard to reach out to people you know, family and friends, but they will understand (and some won’t, so pick ones that are closest to you). I am so sorry you have to deal with this. Abuse is abuse. Verbal and emotional abuse just as harmful if not more. I hope you get some help you need. Sending you a big hug!!

Post # 32
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

View original reply
worthlessbee :  omg I got emotional just reading your post. I am so sad for you. Please, please know that you are not worthless or disgusting or any of that shit he spews at you (and none of this is in any way your fault).

He sounds like a guy I was in a long term relationship with before I met Darling Husband. Loved by everyone, popular, just the “it” guy. But he was  so awful to me. He would make jokes about my body, or my personality, and then write it off as kidding. But it wasn’t funny. Once, when I didn’t want to have sex with him (which was also losing my virginity…) he said, “I thought you loved me?” I said I do. He said, “Well you ought to show me in a way that counts,” while motioning towards my pants. It was humiliating. But there was nothing as hard as walking away…and nothing as great as finally being free.

Please stop TTC immediately, because even if you leave him, if you do it after he fathers your child then you have to maintain contact. So stop. Right now.

Leave as soon as you can, and initiate divorce preceedings. He is an emotional abuser, and the longer you stay the more you play into his hand. He wants to lower your self worth to the point that you won’t be able to leave. So please we are all begging you to get out. For yourself and your future happiness. 

I’ll warn you of what I’m sure you already know: he WILL try to stop you. “You’re overreacting.” “You’ll never find another husband.” etc. It’s bullshit. Don’t listen. Leave. NOW.

Post # 33
Member
2185 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Please leave this abuser as soon as you can. Start preparing now. His behavior will only get worse until he cripples you and destroys any sense of self worth you have. Please don’t have a child with this man. It will connect you to him forever. You have the potential to take back your life and be happy again. You have the potential to meet a wonderful person who loves and cherishes you and have children with him (yes, even in your 30’s). You have the potential to live in peace without abuse from a person who is supposed to love you. This is not OK.

Post # 35
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

My heart was breaking reading this. Please know that this IS emotional abuse. The stress of it and the additional stress of internalizing it is not healthy. Your body cannot handle this stress and pressure forever.

Post # 36
Member
670 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

He crossed the line and then kept running, and for three years his disrespect has only gotten worse. No amount of couples counseling will fix this, and it doesn’t sound like he cares to invest the energy to be the kind of husband you deserve. I think you need to leave him, for the sake of your emotional well-being. Find a great divorce lawyer, and a new place, and a therapist, and surround yourself with people who do love you. Start a new chapter in your life. You are a strong, beautiful person, and you deserve better than all this.

Post # 37
Member
1740 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Definitely leave — you can do so much better than him.  Even if you were morbidly obese (which you’re clearly not), his behavior would be abusive and unacceptable.  But the fact that he’s essentially fabricating lies to abuse you about is even worse.  

If you’re in a one party consent state for recording conversations, I would secretly record him talking to you like that for the divorce proceedings.  Check with a lawyer about your ability to do that because the exact laws vary state by state, but generally speaking, you can legally record a conversation without his knowledge in every state except California, Connecticut, Florida, Hawaii, Maryland, Massachusetts, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, Pennsylvania, and Washington.

 

Post # 38
Member
4111 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
BalletParker :  +1. Spot on.

OP, this is not love. He is a despicable excuse for a man. None of this is your fault. Get out now before it gets worse because it can. Please understand your self worth. No one should ever be treated this way. Dogs and cats are treated better than you. Please get out now. 

Post # 39
Member
3323 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
worthlessbee :  Oh bee, sending you hugs. Plus to tell your your strong, your beautiful and your hair is amazing.

Sorry your unwell and that your SO isn’t being supportive. Your post made me so sad for you. 

I know its easy to say leave, but the reality is very different. However I think you need to out his behavior around others. As its a secret he can make you feel shit and a big man. If you pull BIM up on it round others it might embassies him. I really think you need to get out, even for a break. If you have family or friends you can stay at for a few weeks. You. Can have clear thought so see what or where to go from there. Wishing you love and happiness. 

You stunning lady xxx

Post # 41
Member
4229 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

I wish I could reach through the screen and hug you!

LEAVE!!!!!

Post # 42
Member
2108 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Oh honey. What you’re going through is terrible. I’m sending virtual hugs your way.

All the bees have said leave and whilst I agree, in practice it’s not always that easy. Talk to someone, not the priest, but a friend. Someone you trust. Sometimes we see more of friends relationships and someone will believe you and be in a position to help you. You need to find somewhere to go, with someone you trust. From there you can start to think about things and get yourself together but find that person you trust first and go from there. Good luck Bee.

Post # 43
Member
1740 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

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worthlessbee :  Good for you!  Also, please be sure to back them up (maybe on the Cloud?) so that he can’t steal your phone or destroy the recordings if he finds out about them.  But the PP are correct – you need to make a plan today to get out ASAP.

Post # 44
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

View original reply
worthlessbee :  your priest should not have called him. Please do not return to your priest for future help. Anyone you go to for help should be able to be truste not to contact your abuser. That will only make it worse, and could end up with retaliation for you.

Get help. Get out of the house.

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