(Closed) I can't keep this secret any longer…

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 436
Member
96 posts
Worker bee

Thank you for updating! I’ve been thinking of you and praying for you. But you are smart to only update when you feel it’s 100% safe to do so.

I just want to touch on one thing based on the experience of a friend. After you leave he may beg and plead for you to come back, and promise you the  moon and the stars. He may promise to go to therapy, apologize, tell you how much he loves you. He might say exactly what you will want to hear, and appeal to all your weak spots. But if you go back, it will be 1000 times worse than ever, and may even turn into physical abuse at that point. His restrictions will go even further. So please please please do not fall for this type of thing. It is the oldest story in the book and the outcome is sad yet predictable. You have made strides and I know for a FACT that one day you will look back and be so happy you left and be able to CLEARLY see that this was not at all love. This is not even related to love. This is something else entirely. Think of it this way. Imagine you have a daughter. And she is going through what you are going through in a relationship. What would you want for her? What would you tell her? What choices would you want her to make?

I know you are already getting there because you are making the right decision and you’ve come so far. I just wanted to drive this point home because you will have to stick to your guns no matter what afterwards when he begs and pleads and promises changes. Just keep your safety in mind always. Once it’s safe to do so (and only then) please do update us. I am so so proud of you and we are all rooting for you and know there is a much better life waiting for you!

Post # 437
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

worthlessbee :  You have taken such huge steps and that is a true testament to how strong and brave you are. I’m so proud of you for taking care of yourself! It was so good to see your update, I’m excited for Monday to get here. Just stay strong and know much better days are ahead! Love, hugs, and prayers coming to you sweetheart!!

Post # 438
Member
7681 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

worthlessbee : OMGod, Monday can’t come soon enough. I am so very glad that you are leaving Monday and never going back!  If you ever get tempted, remember He told me “if I  was going to kill you, I would bury you  in the desert where no one would ever find you, I know the all the desert land around us.”                                                                                                                               Someday, someone will be in your life, who will truly love you, and you will wonder why you ever stayed.  Stay strong!  Sending love & prayers for your safety and for your new beginnings in life and love.  Glad you are posting only when it is 100% safe to do so, and so glad that you will have people with you on Monday. 

Post # 439
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I have been following this thread and reading your updates. I will be praying that you get through this weekend safely and all goes well on Monday. Just know that you have lots of wonderful women standing behind you, ready to help! You are not alone. Stay strong, brave lady.

Post # 440
Member
1800 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Aren’t you proving him wrong! Your amazing and strong and you now know how much better you deserve!! 

Post # 441
Member
586 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I’m waiting to hear more updates! Stay strong !!! 

Post # 442
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2004

A decade ago I left a man that was verbally and physically abusive.  I’m not going to tell you that every day of your life will be perfect, but from the bottom of my heart, every day will be easier.  Even when you’re feeling sad or overwhelmed you’ll be safe- physically and emotionally. Please know how much you deserve in this life, it might feel hard to believe right now but you’re happy is out there and you’ve taken the first steps toward it.  

If there is anything I can do, absolutely anything, please let me know. I know how huge this feels, and it is, but in the words of Winnie the Pooh, “You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”  You got this <3

Post # 443
Member
409 posts
Helper bee

worthlessbee :  I’m counting down the hours with you, bee…Stay strong and calm. I know it’s heartbreaking, but it’s for the best. Not only for your own, but that of your future children – which you will have one day with a loving, kind man, not this abusive psychopath. 

You’ve planned everything really well and, Lord willing, there won’t be anything unexcpected along the way.

God bless

Post # 444
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Good luck! Rooting for you!

Post # 445
Member
2125 posts
Buzzing bee

Fantastic update! Minus the part about where he would bury you.. Yikes. I’m very happy you don’t have much longer until you’re out and safe. 

From what I’ve read on this thread bee, from what you’ve posted, you are strong. You are brave, for leaving this man, for opening up about the horror here, and for telling your boss. You are clever – the plans you have in place and the way you are going about this is so smart. You are kind, too kind I bet! You have taken this shit for so long, thinking of him before you. And I think you are absolutely beyond amazing for making sure your dog is taken care of during this time, too. You have a good heart, keep your chin up and before you know it you’ll feel so free. 

Post # 446
Member
2125 posts
Buzzing bee

carmens :  I agree with this, and I also want to add that there might be an awkward/uncomfortable adjustment period. When I moved out of my very chaotic (bad chaotic) home, there was this weird sense that something wasn’t right when my new house was quiet. Something was missing, and the calm, quiet environment made me feel uncomfortable. In a way, I missed the chaos. But you learn to relax, and slowly the new normal feels good. And it IS good. Just be prepared to have good days and bad days, but know that you absolutely made the right choice. 

Post # 447
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Once you leave it will be hard because there will be days and nights where you lie awake thinking about all the happy moments with him and wondering if you made the right decision. Please know that this is normal – it’s normal to grieve after leaving any relationship – even the terrible abusive ones. But also know that you are doing the right thing and please please please never go back to him, no matter how much he tries to sweet-talk you, how much he tries to maniuplate you, how much he tries to make you believe he’s changed. Get a divorce lawyer as soon as possible and communicate with him through the lawyer only.

Don’t hold back when you tell your parents or anyone else in your life about the things he’s said and done to you. It’s not your shame – it’s HIS shame.

Stay safe!

Post # 448
Member
11201 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

worthlessbee :  

Abusers certainly are not very original.  My abusive ex told me he would bury me out in the desert–still alive.

It was very hard to leave, I cried non stop.  The doctor put me on Lexapro.  He referred me to an excellent therapist.

Eventually, I moved on.  I was very fortunate in that I met a man right away who would become a good friend, so I had that support and a “date” when I needed one.

Shortly after that, I met and started dating my now dh.  He knew I needed to go slowly.  He’s a patient man.  My friends call him Mr Gentleman because of his manners.  We had an old fashioned courtship.  My self esteem got some nice, healing balm.

We’ve been together about 13, almost 14 years now.  Mr Gentleman would never have come into my life had I not left my ex.

Post # 449
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

worthlessbee :  So proud of you for taking proactive steps to get out of that situation you’re in. Also, if possible, I want you to change your name on here! You are NOT ‘worthlessbee” you are very worthy and very, very brave!

Post # 450
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Good luck on Monday! hope you can get all you need and start your new life! Come Monday though, you’ll need to invest in a new phone, I wouldn’t want to be using the same phone knowing he can trace it to your new place! Be brave you have all of us supporting you!

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