(Closed) I can't keep this secret any longer…

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 46
3322 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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worthlessbee :  So back to church and ask them for help but not to let your husband know. Maybe they can get you a place in a woman’s shelter if you have no where else to go. 

You can do this. 

Post # 47
6264 posts
Bee Keeper

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worthlessbee :  every update you write it just gets worth. As others have said get support from an abuse charity. Get a shit hot lawyer and keep on preparing as you are. 

Does he have access to your internet activity? 

Post # 48
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Please get the FUCK away from boy. He’s the worthless piece of shit.


Post # 50
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

This made me so sad. Please leave. You deserve so much better.

Post # 51
722 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Please leave, you are a beautiful, bright light in this world and he is snuffing you out daily. You deserve someone who helps you shine!

Post # 53
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

You may feel weak and worthless right now. But gather your strength and your evidence and prepare for war. 

When other bees say leave, I disagree. You reject him. You purge him from your life, your heart and your conscience. You go to war. Do not retreat. Do not scurry in fear. You take back what he has trampled on and displace this sorry sack of shit. 

But to do this you need support, resources and to put your safety above all else. I think therapy and an a safe house is a top priority. 

Post # 54
618 posts
Busy bee

I’m so so sad for you.  This is awful, no one should ever be treated this way by anyone – and especially not someone who is supposedly loves them.  This is not love, this is emotional abuse.  And hopefully you leave soon enough to avoid it turning into any other kind of abuse.  The fact that he cut off contact from the church you reported that incident to says a lot – he knows what he’s doing is wrong and wants to make sure it stays in the dark.  It seems pretty obvious that he will never try to change or work through this with you.  So I don’t think you have many choices, unfortunately…  I understand leaving would be so hard, especially if you’re religious (I am too).  But he is not honoring your wedding vows in any way, shape or form.

Sending hugs – good luck, bee.  BTW – you are so, so not worthless! He is for treating you this way.

Post # 55
5020 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

What a controlling and abusive prick!  This truly made me sad to read.  Bee, you deserve SO much more than this.  Please love yourself as he does not and do the best thing possible and leave him.  He has isolated you by causing you to fear and hurt so much that you haven’t reached out for help.  This is not okay.  Stop TTC immediately and start making plans for a future without him.

Post # 56
9976 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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worthlessbee :  So add sexual abuse to the long list of the other ways he’s abusing you.  Save yourself, you are worth so much more.  You are a strong, beautiful, loving woman who deserves to be treated with RESPECT.  Tell yourself that.  There is still a spark of the real you, the energetic little girl you once were.  Rescue her.  I had to become in touch with my real self again after so many years of abuse.  It wasn’t easy but I finally found her and I saved her.

Keep in mind there are as many bad counselors, plenty of them in the church, as there are good ones.  The good ones will really hear you and validate you.  Ignore the misogynistic voices, many of whom speak out in church and pretend to understand but really can’t help you.  I was there and I know. 

I started my journey to safety by telling one trusted friend I knew who had divorced an abusive man.  She helped me make a safe space in her home, secretly, for myself and my little boy.  I had a suitcase packed for us with all my important papers safely stashed and I had a secret bank account.  I had a key to her house; my ex-husband didn’t know where she lived.  Keep records of the abuse, I’m glad you’re recording.  Be safe and be careful.  It’s like backing away from a rabid dog, never forget that.  Most violence against women comes when they try to leave their abuser.  Read up on the Cycle of Abuse, it’s very informative.

Post # 57
6880 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016


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worthlessbee :  Do you have friends or family nearby that you can stay with? Do you have your own bank account/money? Seriously, you need to leave him and I think you know it. Definitely DO NOT procreate with him. 

This is not love. This is abuse. Plain and simple. You deserve to be with someone that loves and respects you and would never say those awful things to you and try to tear you down every time they get angry. Trust me, that kind of love is out there. You don’t have to put up with this asshole for the rest of your life! In the 5 years I’ve been with my husband I’ve also gained about 30 pounds (so same amount of weight in half the time). But you know what? He doesn’t care at all! He still loves me and tells me how beautiful I am each and every day. Bee, it doesn’t have to be like this. 

Post # 58
357 posts
Helper bee

DO NOT GET PREGNANT!  You need to leave.  If you have a child, you will be tied to this abuser for the rest of your life.

I realize it is not easy, but you need to take care of yourself.  152 lbs size 6 or 8 is certainly not obese, probably not even overweight. 


Post # 59
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

WOW!! This sounds completely tortourous. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Please, please, please know that you have infinite worth, that you are lovable… just for being YOU. Not for being a certain weight or a certain height. When you two married, he made vows to be there for you… through sickness and through health…for better or for worse. He is not honoring those vows.

Please talk to a counsellor and i strongly suggest you journal in a safe location. Perhaps journal on your lunch and leave the journal at work in a locked cabinet, if that is available to you. I cant tell you how much that helps. It lets you emotionally process and un-tangle yourself and realize how bad you’re being treated like.

Lots of hugs and prayers coming your way. Please do this for you. For your future children. Please dont take this. You do deserve so much better!  

Post # 60
637 posts
Busy bee

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worthlessbee :  NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. I cannot even read all of your original post because it is so painful. YOU CANNOT LIVE YOUR LIFE LIKE THIS. In fact, you are not even living your life, you are acting out a fake life. This is 100% emotional abuse. You derseve to be happy. You deserve someone who builds you up and makes you feel worthy of love. I watched my mother go through this with my biological father and it was the worst experience in the world. PLEASE leave. Please reach out to someone. Anyone. 


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