(Closed) I can't keep this secret any longer…

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 661
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Bee, so glad to see your update!!! You’re amazing. You’re free now. Don’t give that up. It’s natural to mourn the relationship that once was, but if he ever tries to claim he’s sorry, it’s a lie. He’s crossed too many lines that cannot be un-crossed, and no amount of real or fake remorse will lead him back. Now you can start to breathe easy and forget your fear. I’m glad you have many people in your corner, in real life and here online! Congratulations, and stay safe!

Post # 662
Member
1690 posts
Bumble bee

Amazing bee! So happy for you. Please take the advice of others and be super careful in these coming weeks. 

Also, be careful in who you confide that may have connections to him. Sometimes people try to fix things by getting involved. Their intentions may be genuine but they may not realize the severity of the situation. 

Keep your loved ones close by.

Post # 663
Member
2626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Hogarths, Solihull

Good Riddance to him!

I’m so glad you got out safely – stay strong, this will become difficult once he returns from his trip.

Surround yourself with friends and family and keep us posted please <3

xx

Post # 664
Member
2399 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

worthlessbee :  So elated for you Free Bee!!! A haircut was the first thing I did with my freedom. It was a weight off my shoulders it felt like I was taking my life and choices back. I am so happy you have friends and family you can trust that are helping you. Lean on them that’s what they are there for. You may also start looking into therapists and support groups. They were such a big help and comfort to me. Here soon you may start feeling euphoric and then fear/sadness. This is totally normal and over time things will even out. I just couldn’t be any happier for you or more proud! You got out, and you were so safe and smart about it. Congratulations on taking your life back!!! ((Hugs)) 💜❤💜❤💜

Post # 665
Member
227 posts
Helper bee

worthlessbee :  I am crying at work! I am so relieved for you, and happy!!!! We are all here for you, keep us posted on the good days and bad! I left an abusive relationship (not nearly as bad of a situation as yours) and there were days I couldn’t stop telling myself how much of a mistake it was, and how I was just making it out to be worse than it was and I should take him back… NO. If you have those thoughts, tell us and we can talk them through! We will tell you the TRUTH, which is that you are amazing and NOT WORTHLESS and YOU ARE FREE!

 

We are all so proud of you!!!

Post # 666
Member
44 posts
Newbee

worthlessbee :  I am so happy and proud of you.  My situation was not as bad as yours, but I also had to get out and restart my life.  I will say that, even if it is hard, do not go back or have any contact with him.  If he tries, make sure you remind him of the restraining order and are firm in your denail of contact.  Do not respond to anything he tries to do.  Instead, fill your life with people who care about you and new hobbies and activites.  Try to remember who you were before all this happened. And every time you feel yourself being overwhelmed, upset, or losing hope, just remember that you deserve happiness and sometimes it takes walking through the mud to get there.  If you can’t walk, then crawl, but as long as you keep moving forward, you’ll find happiness.  I really wish you the best.  I will also say that, no matter how late, it’s not too late to restart your life.  After I got out of my 10 year horrible relationship, I thought I’d be alone for the rest of my life.  Now (about 4 years later), I’m engaged to a wonderful man who taught me what relationships should be like.

Post # 667
Member
96 posts
Worker bee

KoiKove :  This is all such great and well-thought advice. Please do take these steps!

I am so so proud of you. You are officially my hero. It’s so hard sometimes to do what we know in our hearts is right for ourselves so often we just don’t. But you took that step and I hope anybody else in your situation can take strength and courage from you. You have just set an amazing example for so many women on these boards.

It’s okay if it’s hard sometimes. It’s okay if you miss him sometimes. You gave him a huge chunk of your life (undeserved by him) so it will take a while to figure out your new “normal” and reprioritize yourself. I second the suggestions to go to counseling because you have been through an emotional trauama and there is no shame at all in getting the support you will need. When you are having those hard days just remember that love does not look like that – the way he was treating you is not love. You do need to just cut him out and not communicate with him because he will promise you everything he can and guarantee change (I’ve seen it before) and it is all just lies. Men like him are great actors when they need to be. Also, make sure that you are protected at work and that he cannot access you there.

Whenever you feel your strength slipping just come back and let us know and we will be happy to support you. Or just read through the comments and see all of us who support you and what an example you are to us. Please send me a private message if you ever need to.

And please keep updating us. I had a crappy day yesterday but at the end of the day when I saw your update, it made everything better. I had tears in my eyes and the amount of pride and excitement I felt for you was unreal.

Post # 668
Member
724 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I read your original post moments after you had posted, but I just couldn’t find the words to express how I felt and I knew lots of bees would convey the same feelings I did. I have seen this thread grow and grow and I just wanted to check in for an update…so happy with what I found! Congratulations, you brave, amazing woman you! Best of luck in your new life. <3

Post # 669
Member
2574 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

So happy for you! Congratulations on a fresh start!

Post # 670
Member
4004 posts
Honey bee

Just now commenting even though I have been following. So glad you are out safely with your puppy! Your new life is going to be amazing, and even more important, what you do with it will be your choice and nobody else’s. Keep yourself busy, stay in touch with friends and family, and enjoy setting up your new place exactly how you want it!! You are extremely strong. 

Post # 671
Hostess
3961 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

KoiKove :  This is excellent advice. 

Hopefully he will leave you alone and not risk messing with his job, but if he tries to use his position to get to you, I know people who handle security clearance issues and can help you figure out reporting (if you want to).  Hopefully you won’t have to go that far, but I want you to know that you have resources here should you ever need help.  I’m sure throughout this community, there are bees connected everywhere, and we all want to make sure you are safe and free of this awful man 🙂

Post # 672
Member
1469 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Holly Hedge Estate

I see so many bee’s saying they were tearing up/ crying while reading your update. I did too- Your story is very touching and really a tale of survival and your will to take your life back. I know this must be such an emotional rollercoaster for you… I can’t imagine. We are all here routing you forward and will be here as an E-support system whenever you need words of strength. I have seen a lot of these types of posts recently and it’s INCREDIBLE to see a lot of the abused women gather the strength and courage and leave their abuser. This community is astounding, I’m so happy to have stumbled upon  this years ago. Best of luck bee- I will keep reading your updates- xox

Post # 673
Member
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Oh my gosh I just found this thread and read all your posts, and let me tell you that you are an amazing, incredible woman. WOW.  That is the only word there is.  Wow.  I read your first post and thought, this woman is stronger than she knows; I pray that she gets out.  And then when I read your update about planning to leave on Monday, I was so ecstatic!  You are so awesome!  Let me tell you that flipping through all the pages until your Monday update was crazy stressful! I was on edge afraid of what might happen and hoping and hoping that it would work out.  When I saw another Bee’s post about Delta, I literally gasped out loud in fear that it may have caused your husband’s flight to be cancelled.  And I think it’s safe to say that I am not the only one cheering for you!!

 

When you get home to your apartment tonight, please, please turn “This Girl is on Fire” all the way up and know that the song is about you! I’m at work right now so I can’t listen to it, but I’m going to put it on in my car on the way home and think of YOU, a Bee who is worth the WORLD!  You are such a badass!

Post # 674
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

Shina :  Stories like yours break my heart. I am so happy you found the courage to make a change. I am so very proud of women able to make that leap into the unknown because far too many times, they go back to horrible situations for all kinds of reasons. You and women like you serve as inspirations for anyone dealing with domestic violence. Thinking of our bee today and I hope she slept soundly in her own bed last night. 

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