(Closed) I can't keep this secret any longer…

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 61
1733 posts
Bumble bee

I didn’t want to read and run. I’m sorry you are dealing with this.

Thank goodness you don’t have kids together. You need to leave. And don’t look back.

Please keep us updated…thinking of you! Hugs.

Post # 62
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

You poor thing!!! This made me so sad 🙁 No one deserves this.

Post # 63
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

View original reply
worthlessbee :  Do you have close family or friends you can go to? Do you have independent finances? If you’re planning to leave (please do!!!) ensure that he cannot cripple you financially by draining joint accounts. You should, even if you don’t feel ready to make the move yet, prepare to leave him. If you can, speak to a lawyer or domestic abuse counselor about how to protect yourself physically, legally, and economically. Collect whatever texts, emails, voicemails, and recorded conversations you can – as long as you can do this safely. Ideally, having somewhere to move right away and having him served with divorce papers the day you tell him you’re moving out is the best way to protect yourself.

This is in no way less serious than physical abuse. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship and I know how hard it is to leave. Opening up, just a little but at a time, about the years of abuse to close friends helped me see how my situation wasn’t normal. Hopefully responses on the Bee can be a first step for you!

Post # 64
7528 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Sorry to keep posting but this reminds me so much of what I went through.  In fact, I think what you’re going through is worse than what I went through because even though my abuser hit me and punched me he wasn’t in law enforcement and he refused to attend church with me.  Therefore, he had less credibility with people than your abuser does and less so-called power.  That was in my favor. 

Another tip:  STOP telling yourself that you love this man.  Tell yourself you love YOU instead.  And that God loves you and doesn’t want you to suffer like this.  That being abused is evil and wrong.  That he is a LIAR.  The definition of love is patient and kind.  Be patient and kind to yourself.

Post # 65
9670 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

View original reply
worthlessbee :  Oh.my.god.bee. I almost cried while reading this. 

DO NOT HAVE A CHILD WITH HIM. Does he not realize that you’ll get bigger during a pregnancy? How will he treat you then when you’re carrying his child, and after the fact when you don’t bounce back right away like some kind of super model with a personal trainer?


YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE THAN YOUR LOOKS. If that’s all he can see you for – well that speaks volumes. And if you can fit in a size 6, YOU ARE NOT FAT. Jesus. 

Post # 67
2758 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Listen, my Mother-In-Law was married to an evil man like this for 20 years. TWENTY. YEARS. I never liked SFIL, something about the way he showboated to family and treated waitresses bothered me, but literally everyone else said that I was just judgmental and he was this wonderful amazing fine upstanding citizen. 

Eventually, poor MIL became physically ill from the stress and gained a significant amount of weight like you. She eventually called DH crying. We came and collected her with just her clothes because her scumbag soon-to-be-ex was a lawyer and we knew he’d call the police over anything and everything he could. 

She’s now skinny and healthy again, the owner of a beautiful condo, and has a really great boyfriend who treats her like a queen. Your life has the potential to look more like this if you only take that leap of faith and talk to someone who will believe you and support you (I don’t know how old you are but I’d start with your parents, if they’re alive, or any siblings you might have). 

You are not worthless. You deserve to be loved and treated with respect. And who knows, you might be surprised by how many people secretly dislike your “perfect” husband. 

Post # 68
397 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Leave. Now.

I can’t help but bring this up- your username: WorthlessBee. You are not worthless. You are an amazing women in a tough spot. You are loved by many people and cared about.  

Post # 69
123 posts
Blushing bee

I am so proud of you for what you’ve already done: You can SEE his lies and abuse. That is actually the hardest step. Congratulations on your first step on the path to recovery and healing. Keep making progress (you’ll know the way and other bees gave great ideas) and stay safe. You’re taking away his favorite “game” and he won’t play nice. Be safe. Bees are here 24/7 around the world if you need to talk. Hugs.

Post # 70
227 posts
Helper bee

Oh my. You derserve so much better then this, your husband is worthless man. I can’t believe anyone can treat another person like this. Please leave!

I gained 100lbs due to problems and my Fiance still tells me i’m beautiful all the time. His affection and the way he acted towards me never changed even with my weight gain. You deserve to have someone like too.

Best of Luck <3

Post # 71
2758 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I started writing this before the last update!

As far as your checking account goes, talk to HR about changing your direct deposit to yours and schedule leaving him before payday. I take it you get paid every two weeks? That helps set a deadline for you to GTFO. Don’t worry about the savings, you’ll most likely get half of all of your joint property, including money, as soon as your divorce is finalized.

Just worry about survival for now. 

Post # 72
2405 posts
Buzzing bee

Pull the money out on the day you leave him; then he won’t have time to find out. Take half. You are entitled to it. Call a domestic abuse shelter hotline about how to leave as safely as you can. Cover all your bases.

That said.

Sweetheart. You are a wonderful person and you deserve so much better. Think if this was your sister or dear friend in this situation — what would you want for her? Not a man who is verbally and sexually abusive, right? You HAVE to get out, you KNOW it, and the last thing on your mind should be convincing other people in your life how bad it was or providing them with proof. You don’t need to provide evidence. You need to get out, because his cruel words are killing you just as surely as physical violence would, they’re just doing it more slowly. You don’t need to be perfect or beautiful or thin to deserve love and kindness. Every additional day with this man kills another little piece of your soul. Please leave.

Post # 73
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

You deserve so much better than this. You know you should leave. It’s just getting the courage to do so. I have never been in this situation so I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you to walk out after 10 years, but you can’t live the rest of your life like this. You deserve better. And you certainly don’t need to have a child with this man. Please find someone you are close to (family, friend), talk to them, tell them what’s going on and see if you can stay with them. My heart really breaks for you. This man is the one who is worthless, certainly not you. You are worth much more than he is giving you. Please leave for your own good. Hugs, bee.

Post # 74
428 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

OP your husband is a piece of shit. Leave, you deserve more. 

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